Comfortable
by aidanmomma
Summary: "Until you let yourself be truly uncomfortable, you can't reap the joys of being truly comfortable."
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - This is my first attempt at writing fiction. EVER. So please bear with me. Several weeks ago I heard the song 'Comfortable' by John Mayer. Immediately a story began writing itself in my head. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Shocker, I know._

_Chapter 1_

_"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you _

_never met."_ -unknown

"So, then she brings in the items for the exhibit's grand opening and the name of the artist is misspelled. On ALL of the posters and fliers. She walks out and just leaves them spread out all over the conference room." Kate is struggling to keep her voice from leaving our table. The quiet conversations at the other tables around the room create a gentle hum, but Kate is very conscious of appearances and she does not want anyone else to overhear her and assume that she is unhappy in any way.

It is Thursday evening and we are sitting across from each other in Schwa, one of the nicer restaurants around Chicago's Whicker Park area. It is the type of restaurant where your meal comes to you in 9 separate courses, each course looking like some abstract expressionism artist's latest rendering. I am more of a burger and fries kind of guy, but I am trying really hard to make Kate happy.

Kate is my boss's niece. Her uncle is co-owner of the advertising agency I have been working at for the past 3 years. We met a couple of months ago and I was immediately struck by her beauty. She stands about 3 or 4 inches shorter than my own 6 foot 4. She has amazing hair, the color of freshly cut hay. It hangs down to the middle of her back in a shiny curtain. It is obvious that Kate works out and takes great pride in displaying her body in tastefully conservative clothing that hugs her curves and encourages the imagination. We have been dating for about 3 weeks and already some ground rules had been discussed. Under the category of "Needs Improvement" is my use of profanity, as well as my complete lack of interest in religion. This is by no means a complete list, but these tend to be the items we discuss most often. Kate is a woman of very specific and expensive tastes. Thankfully my current position at Hunter-Danali allows me to keep up with Kate professionally, as well as financially. I've come a long way since James first helped me get an internship at his father's company.

I met James Hunter at the end of my Senior year at the University of Illinois in Chicago. He had a photography class with my girlfriend of 2 years, Bella. They were collaborating on an end of the year project, so we spent a lot of time together. James discovered my desire to get into marketing and informed me of an internship at the agency that his father co-owned. He helped me set up the interview and I was offered the position. I have since made my way up through the ranks and am now a valuable member of the marketing team.

Kate continues to rampage as I bite into my Tiger Fish (_is that marshmallow?), _so I try to be supportive. "What the fuck? Did she just expect you to clean up her shit, like you're her maid?"

Silence. I can almost feel the disappointment pouring out of Kate and dousing my smile.

"Edward, I've asked you to please not use that kind of language, especially when we are out in public," Kate says quietly as she shakes her head.

Ah, yes, the "please limit your profanity" talk. I remember now. Kate told me that a lady never talked that way and shouldn't have to listen to others do so. "Oops. Sorry, Kate," I say. I really hate that I feel like a child being chastised for being naughty. I am trying so hard not to fuck, I mean screw, this relationship up.

Kate is still recounting her day, and my mind is transported to another time and place...

_I watched Bella through the books on the shelf in the library where we were "studying" for our mid-term exams. Her finger followed the words on the page as she read. She was so beautiful and graceful, even in these small little movements. I squeezed the trigger on my water gun and watched as the droplets of water sprinkled on her arm. Silly girl didn't even notice, so I decided to change my target. As I leaned into the shelf, I focused on the freckles on the tip of Bella's nose. Perfect. My target may have been perfect, but my aim was a little less than. I ended up squirting Bella right in the eye. I did not wait around to see what was going to happen. As I ran down the aisle laughing, I heard her draw in a deep breath, "EDWARD CULLEN, you get back here, mother fucker!" All heads turned in my direction as I grabbed my books and made my way towards the door, giggling like a child. I waved to the librarian, Ms. Cope. I wanted to leave before she had to ask this time. Almost as soon as my foot stepped out into the sunshine, I felt small arms circle my waist. As I threw my arm around Bella's shoulders, she slapped one hand against my stomach and said, "You are such a little shit."_

"...so I think the dinner next week will be the perfect time for you to meet the new graphic designer.

James has been seeing her for about 2 months. Her name is Betty, or something like that. They knew each other in college, I think. Anyway, I've seen her work and I think she will be perfect for the Johnson account." Apparently Kate had moved on from the incompetent worker. More importantly, she didn't seem to notice my little trip down memory lane.

_A/N - Let me know what you think. Links for songs and such will be available on my author's page._


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - Oh look, you came back for more. Thanks so much for reading. Thanks also for the kind words from those who reviewed. Great big smooches to my BFF and beta, Athome Jo. She made this baby readable and gave me the pushing and shoving that was needed to post a story. Special thanks to jodadsobad and 107yearoldvirgin for pre-reading and offering some advice and encouragement.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Shocker, I know.

Chapter 2

"There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by

the utterly taken-for-granted relationship."

- Iris Murdoch

Friday morning I made my way into the office thinking over my evening with Kate. After dinner she invited me back to her place. It wasn't our first trip into the land of sexual contact, but it was the first time we had sex. It was good, don't get me wrong, but there was something missing. I'm not really sure what it was. Kate is an incredibly beautiful woman and she knew how to work my body to get the responses she was looking for. I must say, I was very giving last night, as well. I really need to figure this out, because my relationship with Kate is very important to me. Not just because she is the boss's family, but because I NEED this to work.

I'm single, 26 years old, and I work for a very family-oriented company. The last long-term relationship I had was 3 years ago. Not long after I began my internship at Hunter-Danali I started seeing Tanya Danali. Yes, that name is familiar for a reason. Her father owns the company along with James's father. And yes, I know that also makes her Kate's cousin. Tanya is a couple of years older than me and so… sophisticated is the only word I can think of. She dresses in name brands that are made to fit her body specifically by the designers. She only eats at the fanciest restaurants and parties with the elite crowd. Why she ever looked in my direction, I will never understand. But she did and I fell hard and fast. We dated for about four months. I was really struggling to keep up with her on my entry level salary, my sports bar tastes, and my friends that still attended college. When her father asked her to move to New York to help open a new branch of Hunter-Danali, he offered me a small position there, as well. I had a tough decision to make. I knew that I wanted to move up into a more contributing position at Hunter-Danali; however, I didn't want to move away from my family and friends. As much as I hated to admit it, I didn't like the idea of moving all the way to New York City where Tanya would be the only person I knew. She had a way of spreading her attentions around to everyone. I knew I wasn't the only man in her life or in her bed. Our relationship had come to a standstill and I really didn't see much of a future for us as a couple. Tanya must have had similar feelings, because she wasn't the slightest bit upset when I turned the position down. She simply asked for my help in packing up her apartment. We were able to part on polite terms and for that I am grateful.

After Tanya, I decided to try to keep it light. I dated women, but never more than a night or two. I did my best to focus on work and was able to impress both of the owners. I've been promoted a time or two over the last 3 years. These promotions have allowed me to afford higher quality clothing, food, and women. My problem is trying to figure out what "higher quality" means. I do have my friend and co-worker Jasper, or more accurately Jasper's girlfriend, Alice, to help me with the clothing. She owns a small resale consignment store. She was able to find some very nice suits for me at a reasonable price that only needed slight alterations. This is a secret kept tightly between Jasper, Alice and I. Jasper and I do our best to keep up appearances at work and bragging about the deal we got on our second-hand clothing does not seem like a good idea.

Kate came to our branch of Hunter-Denali a few months ago. About that same time, I realized that it was time for me to settle down into a committed relationship. Before I asked her out, I made a list of qualities that I would like in a girlfriend/future partner. It looks like this:

1. A good person, kind, generous, etc.

2. Successful

3. Drop dead gorgeous (not really, but good looks are nice and welcome)

4. Helps me grow, challenges me to be better

5. Fun, carefree

6. Honest

7.

This is as far as I've gotten on this list. I'm sure there are some importance attributes that I am leaving out, which is why I carry this list on my iPhone. This way, if I think of something I can add it quickly. Kate has a lot of these qualities and many I never thought to put on my list. She knows the business and has all of the proper connections. In the situations where the Danali name doesn't open doors for us, Kate's looks and personality fling them wide open. All of my friends are half in love with her, themselves. She is exactly the type of woman I had planned for my life.

The receptionist informs me that Mr. Danali wishes to speak to me, so I make my way down the hall of windows toward his office. The interior of this office is something that took a lot of getting used to. It is constructed of a dark, rich wood. Mahogany, maybe? I'm not sure. I just know that it is all very beautiful and shiny and I've been here for 3 years and I'm still afraid to touch ANYTHING. We have a small area of cubicles and a few desks out in the open for temps and secretaries and such. The outer wall is mostly windows. Large windows that display the Chicago skyline in a frame, just like a work of art. The interior is also large windows. Each individual office has floor-to-ceiling windows lining the hallway. There are blinds that can be pulled for whenever someone needs privacy, but most of the employees like the openness that comes from leaving them open.

I am looking in the window of James's office when I spot Mr. Danali looking through photos on the desk, along with James and a woman that I'm sure I donn't know, but who has a definite familiar air about her. Since I haven't been noticed, I decide to take a mental inventory of my new co-worker. I start at the bottom with her gray Christian Louboutin peep-toe heels. Yes, I have learned a thing or two from Alice. This woman has one foot out of her shoe and is massaging it with her fingers as she leans up against the desk. She has on this amazing pair of hose-thingies that has a line up the back of her legs. I follow that line up, along the indention of her knee, and up to the dark gray material of her slim pencil skirt. Since I am already moving upward, I follow that pencil skirt up and over the curve of her delicious ass. _God, I hope I'm not drooling. _The skirt gives way to a crisp white button down shirt. My eyes continues their journey up into her wavy brown hair. In the back of my mind I register someone calling my name, but I am not through cataloguing this goddess's attributes, so I ignore the intruder. I look from her hair directly into a pair of coffee colored eyes that I know almost better than I know my own. Bella.

Bella and I met during our Sophmore year at the University of Illinois. We sat next to each other in our Freshman English class. Our friendship began when we caught each other snickering at the same parts of the professor's incredibly tedious lectures. That friendship grew as we shared our disgust of all things grammatical. Bella was beautiful in a very understated way. She dressed herself in jeans and oversized hoodies. Camouflage, I called it. Her Vans looked like they'd survived since the early 90's. She was incredibly smart and soon I discovered that I hung on her every word. I learned that Bella was studying Graphic Design, while I was studying her. Every now and then I focused on my degree in Marketing.

We began spending all of our free time together and just fell into an easy relationship. Love grew from Chinese take-out and Midnight Bowling. We shared a love of music and spent many Friday nights in dingy bars listening to the gentle strum of acoustic guitars crackle through worn speakers. By the time our Junior year began, Bella was my whole world and luckily I was hers, too. It was this simple fact that I somehow forgot when I was offered an internship at Hunter-Danali.

All of the air rushes out of my lungs as I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn to look into the concerned eyes of Mr. Danali. "Edward, are you alright?"

Ok, what I need here was just to breathe and maybe answer the boss-man before he calls the men in white coats. "Yeah, um… yes, Sir. I was just looking for you. Jessica said you wanted to see me?"

"Absolutely, I do. Let's go to my office where we can talk," Mr. Danali responds, as he leads the way to the office next to James's. I cast one last look in Bella's direction before my legs shakily follow Mr. Danali to his office. "Why don't you have a seat, Edward?" he says as he rounds the desk.

Since I'm not sure how much longer my legs are going to support my body, I am fully on board with following his suggestion and reply, "Yes, Sir."

"Edward," he begins, "I've been hearing good things about you. Kate and I were just discussing your contributions to the latest exhibit opening at the museum. She says that your approach is very innovative and that you have proven yourself to be an invaluable member of the marketing team. I have spoken to others as well, my boy, who all have very positive things to say about you and your career here at Hunter-Danali."

Stunned, I simply nod and say, "Yes, Sir."

"It is with this in mind, Edward, that I feel the need to offer to make you the head of the marketing department. I know that you are not the person with the most tenure and experience, but I do see a lot of potential in you. That, and you come highly recommended by the right people, if you know what I mean. There would definitely be a raise involved, but your responsibilities would be greatly increased, as well."

Still dumbfounded, I am only able to respond with a dull, "Yes, Sir," once again.

"I know I've sprung this on you out of the blue. Take some time to think about it and get back to me soon."

"Y-yes. Yes, sir," I say for hopefully the last time.

"And Edward?" He winks, "Have a great weekend." My boss just winked at me. At first, I am a little concerned, but then he nods to Kate who was standing right outside his office window and I breathe a sigh of relief.

I walk out of the office and join Kate in front of the window. "Congratulations, Darling," she says, as she squeezes my hand. Oh God, I had a lot to think about this weekend.

A/N - Chapter 3 should post Thursday


	3. Chapter 3

A/N - Once again I am blown away by how nice you people are. Thanks to everyone who is reading and to those who have reviewed. Some of you are asking questions about the story. I will not answer questions regarding the plot or where the story is headed. You sneaky people thought you could pull one over on the Newbie. Athome Jo is an amazing Beta and friend. Fanny and 107 are to be praised for attempting to read and make sense of my first draft of this story. I love you gals.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters.

Chapter 3

**com·fort·a·ble**

–adjective

1. (of clothing, furniture, etc.) producing or affording physical comfort, support, or ease: 2. being in a state of physical or mental comfort; contented and undisturbed; at ease: 3. (of a person, situation, etc.) producing mental comfort or ease; easy to accommodate oneself to or associate with: 4. more than adequate or sufficient:

Kate leads me down the hall to the elevators. I am still in shock as we enter the parking garage and make our way over to Kate's car. "Where are we going?" I ask.

With a sly smile she says, "I thought we could go out for coffee and you can tell me about your conversation with my uncle."

Kate pulls her car into the coffee shop parking lot. She gets out, but I guess I am still stunned because the next thing I know, Kate is opening my door and tugging me out of the car. On auto-pilot, I enter the shop and place my order. We find a remote table in front of the windows and take a seat.

"So, this is pretty great news, right Edward?" she says.

"Well, yeah," I respond, "it is, just so unexpected. I mean, I never expected to be put in charge of our department. I-I-I don't even know what that would involve. Besides, Marcus has been with the company a long time. I know that he had been here at least 10 years when I began as an intern 3 years ago. It seems like this is something that should go to him."

"Marcus?" Kate huffs, "What does he have that you don't have, Edward? I know he is older and has been around here longer, but really, that just means that he is set in his ways and in a rut, right? Edward, you deserve this. Just think about the raise that comes with this position. Think about what being the head of marketing can do for you and can mean for you. Think about what this can mean for us."

_Us? _I think. _After 3 weeks, have we really come to a place in our relationship where we are speaking of us?_ I glance down at my watch and notice the time. "I have a budget meeting in less than an hour and I have some reports to print off. Let's head back to the office, okay?"

As the elevator doors opens, Kate leans in, "Tonight we celebrate you, Edward. I want you to think about what you would like us to do and let me know when we leave tonight. Anything you want, darling."

What I want is to take a crowbar to the side of my head so I can maybe stop thinking for a little while. Kate is implying that "anything" could include anything sexual, so I focus on that thought and kiss her cheek, telling her I'll meet her around 5:30 by the elevator.

Back in my office, I can't help but think over all that has happened so far today. First, there is Bella, pretty as you please, with James in his office and in his arms. Second, I can't shake the feeling that I only got this promotion because of Kate and her conversation with her uncle.

By the end of the day I have gone over a variety of possibilities for the evening in my mind. The struggle I had was picturing Kate in them with me. Every fantasy started out just fine, but quickly turned bad when I tried to picture Kate walking towards me. Each and every time it was Bella standing there… Surely it is just because I saw her this morning. Of course, that doesn't explain all of the other times I think about her. It's so weird, because it's not like I'm still hung up on Bella. She was my first love, but I mean, you never stop loving your first love, right? Anyway, there isn't much I can do about it now. Bella and I agreed that we had different paths to travel. Letting out a deep sigh, I can't stop myself from wishing that those paths had been heading toward the same destination.

I FINALLY convince Kate that we didn't need to go out to a "nice" restaurant tonight. As a matter of fact, we weren't going out at all, unless you count shopping for dinner ingredients at Jewel-Osco as "going out". I want to take her back to my place and make some pasta with some homemade sauce. Then, after dinner, we can just relax and watch a movie or some TV together. It takes some work, but Kate finally agrees to this plan.

As we cross over the threshold of the grocery store, I hesitate. It was only a brief hitch in my step, but it was enough to get Kate's attention.

"What?" she asks.

"Umm.. I was just remembering… let's just make this quick, ok?" I really didn't want to get into the story of why I wasn't supposed to shop in this particular store.

We gather our fresh ingredients from the produce section first. I love the smell of fresh greens and I linger over the vibrant colors in the variety of tomatoes. Next, we make our way past the bakery, because I am feeling the need to enjoy some garlic bread with my pasta this evening. Looking in the basket, I notice that the only items we still need are the olive oil and pasta, so we head off into the center aisles of the store. I glance down Aisle 5 as we pass and I hear a child say, "Look, Ma," as he sails down the aisle riding the shopping cart. I struggle to remain in the moment and want nothing more than to just get our things without incident, but when I hear the inevitable CRASH coming from Aisle 5, I can't control the memories bombarding my thoughts yet again…

_Bella had disappeared as soon as we entered the grocery store. I decided to go ahead and gather our dinner ingredients and snacks. As I contemplated whether Nacho Cheese Doritos fell into the dairy group, I felt the wind shift as a rush of color flashed passed me and attacked my shopping cart. I look up in time to see Bella look over her shoulder and smile at me. I was so caught up in the brilliance of her smile that I didn't see the magazine rack at the end of the aisle. Unfortunately, neither did she. Well, that is, she didn't see it until the cart crashed into it knocking it over and fanning magazines out around her as she lay on the ground. I ran to make sure that she was unharmed and to help her up. As I was untangling the shopping cart from the magazine rack, the manager of Jewel-Osco came over and proceeded to escort us to the door of the store. We were politely asked to do our future shopping elsewhere._

"Edward, why is there a photo of you here by the check out?" I hear Kate quietly hiss, pulling me from the recurring flashes of my past. "Please tell me that you are not one of those people that goes around writing hot checks everywhere."

And so, this is the point in the evening where I dump a bucket of cold water on everyone by recounting the story, mentioning the ex-girlfriend. Kate handles it well and simply shakes her head saying, "Thank God you have grown up since then."

"Um, yeah," I say. I mean, what else could I say? "_Yeah, that was one of the best nights of my life and I don't remember having that much fun since,"_ probably wouldn't go over well with this woman that I am trying to convince to be a part of my future.

It was raining when we left the store and on the way to the car we passed a young mother who was struggling to hold the hands of 2 small children as well as push her cart to her vehicle. I pass our bags to Kate and said "I'm gonna help her," pointing to the harried woman.

Kate huffs and says, "Whatever, just hurry please. I'm hungry and you're going to get all wet."

After I deliver the shopping cart safely to her car and unload it, the young lady tries to offer me a tip. I quickly turned her down and rush through the rain to Kate and my car. As I get in Kate says, "Why did you do that Edward? Now you'll have to change as soon as we get to your apartment and your suit will need to be dry-cleaned."

Cold and disgusted that Kate didn't understand why I helped, I shiver, "Sh-sh-she couldn't get the cart and the kids to the car by herself in the rain. I-I-I just wanted to help." Kate just rolled her eyes.

Back at my condo, I turn the water on to boil and begin mixing together ingredients for the sauce. I mince a couple of cloves of garlic for bread and sauce. Kate is wandering through my living room, "This really is a nice place, Edward. Why don't we spend more time here?"

"_Because YOU always want to go 'someplace nice',"_ I wanted to roar. _Whoa, where did that come from?_ Instead I say, "Why don't you pick out a movie, Kate? They are all in the cabinet to the left of the TV."

We enjoy our dinner as we talk about our plans for the next week. Kate is unable to find something that she wants to watch from my collection, but she says she has Pride and Prejudice in her car. I clean up our meal as she goes to the car and retrieves her DVD. Did you know that 300 minutes equals 5 hours? Yeah, I'm all for learning about the classics and shit, but 5 HOURS? Kate better include some of that sexual "anything" that she was referring to earlier to make this up to me.

Settling in on the couch together, Kate runs her fingers through my hair as she begins talking about the day once more. "James had his new girlfriend, Betty, in the office today. Did you get a chance to meet her?"

"Bella," my mouth automatically corrects her. My stomach drops through the couch to the floor as I realize that James wasn't just randomly placing his hand on Bella's back. They are dating. They have been dating for two months. I always knew Bella would move on, but I never expected to have to see it. I also never thought it to be with James.

"Bella?" Kate questions. "Bella, as in your ex, Bella?" Her voice gets louder and her face is getting red.

"Uuummm…yes?" Why did I phrase that as a question? I definitely knew it was Bella. I had been trying not to think about it. All. Day. Long.

"Hmmmm," Kate mutters. That's all, just _'Hmmmm.'_

We settle back in to sofa. Kate raises her hand once again to resume running her nails over my scalp as Elizabeth Bennett scoffs at the idea of the pretentious Mr. Darcy. I feel my eyelids droop, but I'm powerless to do anything about it.

_I was feeling the devastating weight of rejection as I stood across the room from Bella. I was wearing… a waistcoat and breeches? Really? And what the hell is this thing wrapped around my neck? "And this is all the reply which I am to expect?" I say._

"_I might wonder," she replies, "why with so evident a desire to offend and insult me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character?"_

_Wait. What? That isn't what I said. I remember saying that I love her, but that I just thought we were heading in different directions. That we had grown apart. And she had readily agreed. Why was she making up such hateful things? She's making it sound like I don't want her. That I think she isn't good enough for me. That is not what I said, right? I would never say that. _

Bella and the room around me grow a little foggy as I hear purring in my ear and something is kneading my thigh. When did I get a cat?

"Edward," Kate purrs, as she runs her hands up and down my thighs. Ahh… she is ready for that "anything" sexual now. The problem is, I am still shaken up from the dream I just had. I let Kate lead me sleepily to my bedroom. I am able to get away with a sloppy, sleepy kiss. Kate helps me undress and tucks me into bed. I think she can see that I am just too out of it to perform this evening. "I guess all of the excitement of the day has worn you out," she says. "That's okay. We have all weekend to celebrate. Go ahead and get some sleep, darling." So I did.

A/N - For anyone wondering, they are watching the A & E version of Pride and Prejudice starring Academy Award Winner Colin Firth (I couldn't wait to write that) and Jennifer Ehle. If you haven't seen this version, where the hell have you been? Get thee to Netflix or Blockbuster and rent it. STAT. Or better yet, buy it. I did. Three times. LOL


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N - First I want to apologize for my lack of review responses. My Father-in-law came into town (unexpectedly to me) to build a large storage shed in my yard. Things have been a little crazy around my house. Thanks to those of you who have been pimping this story out on facebook. Also, I am astounded that y'all keep coming back for more. Thanks for reading and reviewing. It makes my heart happy. **

**Athome Jo is a goddess for beta'ing this for me while she attends classes and writes her own stories...for grades. Muchas Gracias to 107yearoldvirin and jodadsobad for pre-reading and offering great advice and friendship.**

**This is a shorty chapter. Are you ready? Here we go.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. This doesn't surprise any of us.**

Chapter 4

_"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before."_from the movie "Good Will Hunting"

Upon waking Saturday morning, Kate decides that she should go get some work done at her own place. We already have plans to get together for the evening, but she asks, "Have you thought about what you would like to do tonight, Edward? I think we should continue to celebrate your success this weekend, don't you?"

This causes me to chuckle nervously. I feel very honored to be considered for the promotion I've been offered, but something just doesn't sit right with me. This is something that I have always envisioned for my future, but mostly, I just feel like I don't yet have enough experience to be able to handle a position like this.

"Edward?" Kate asks.

"I think we should go dancing tonight, Kate. What do you think?"

Kate claps her hands together and lets loose as much as I think I have ever seen her. "Oh Edward, I know just the place. It has a fantastic orchestra and the food is spectacular, so we can dance as soon as we are finished eating dinner. Oh, thank you. Yes, this is a perfect idea."

I smile, "Well, good. That sounds great. I'll pick you up at 6:30?"

"Yes, I'll be waiting," Kate says before she looks up at me from under her lashes. She slides her hands up my chest and over my shoulders and then lightly parts her lips over mine. She really is a good kisser. My fingers automatically wrap around her soft, chocolate curls. _Chocolate? _My eyes snap open. Blonde. Kate is blonde.

Kate doesn't notice my mini-panic attack and gathers her things to leave. I squeeze her hand as she walks out the door, vowing to keep my mind in the present. I need to focus on the relationship that actually has a chance of a future.

I have many weekend chores to keep my hands busy for the rest of the day, but my mind keeps running back and forth between the past and the present. Bella looked REALLY good yesterday and yet somehow such a change from the girl I remember in her favorite hoodie. It had a reddish orange stain on the right sleeve and the center pocket was torn open and hung in a flap. And then there were her shoes. My God, those heels that she had on yesterday. Bella hardly ever wore anything other than her white and black checked Vans. And a skirt? So damn sexy. The brief look I got of her face showed the same beauty that Bella always had.

The buzzer on the dryer sounds and I discover that I have to adjust my dick in order to walk down the hall. How can this girl still have this kind of effect on me? I push all thoughts of Bella out of my brain and try to think about how much fun dancing with Kate tonight will be.

Kate has decided that we need to have a whole celebratory "experience", so we have reservations on the Mystic Blue cruise. Kate wanted an elegant evening of dinner and dancing, and I did insist that she choose the venue. I roll my shoulders and crack my neck. _Let's do this_.

Conversation is a little hesitant as we eat our meal. I take full blame for this, as I just don't know what to say. Kate is obviously very happy with the thought of my promotion, but I don't feel like I should accept it. Marcus is really much better qualified for it than I am. The entire department respects him, including myself. In my mind, he is the man for this job, but I can't say that to Kate. Instead, I ask her to dance. The orchestra is playing a waltz, which I have never danced to, so I improvise by holding Kate close and moving slowly from side to side.

"What are you doing, Edward? This is a waltz, not an eighth grade Spring Dance," Kate whispers harshly.

"Well," I respond, "I don't know how to waltz."

"I thought you said you liked dancing," Kate says. She is NOT amused. "Have you ever been dancing?"

"Of course, I have," I snort. "I've been swing dancing, salsa dancing, and country line dancing, just to name a few."

Now it is Kate's turn to snort. "Line dancing?" she scoffs, "Isn't that with country music and boots and such?"

"Oh yeah, but it's a lot of fun. I remember this one time…," I trail off as Kate walks back to the table, leaving me on the dance floor alone. Instead of following behind her, I head towards the bar. I felt the sudden and immediate need for alcohol.

Waiting for my drink, I pull out my phone and read over my list. After reading "honest" by number 6, I stare at the blank by number 7. I huff and quickly (and perhaps spitefully) I add, "Enjoys a wide variety of dancing activities, including country line dancing". I turn and stare at the dance floor.

"_You look like a gangster in your zoot suit, Edward. I'm so glad we decided to dress the part tonight," Bella raised her voice to be heard over the trumpet blasts of the swing band as we made our way off the dance floor. _

_Bella looked beautiful in her short red and white polka dot dress. It showed off her breasts and I wasn't afraid to admire them openly. I was especially fond of the way they looked right now as Bella panted from the exertion of the last dance. The sheen of sweat only made them more appealing. _

"_Eyes up here, boy-o," she laughed. "There will be plenty of time for that once we go back to your place."_

_With a sly smile, I grabbed her hand and began rushing toward the door. "Edward," she said with a giggle, "Edward, slow down. You act like this is your first time to see the goods. You know what's under this dress better than I do." And it was true. I knew every inch of her body better than I knew my own. From her freckled nose to her paint chipped toes. From the mole near her collarbone to the birthmark on her inner right thigh. This is terrain I have covered numerous times, but I was still anxious to get her home and explore them again. I used to wonder that I could still want her so much after the year and a half that we had been together. Bella owned me and she knew it._

_Outside the club, a blast of wind blew Bella's skirt up and gave me a glimpse of the teeny black boy shorts she had on underneath. As, um, brief as the glimpse was, I had to laugh when I saw the picture of a camel and the words "Wanna Hump?" Oh God, I loved that girl._

"I'm sorry, Edward. I just don't understand why this night isn't going like I had planned," Kate said with genuine concern shining in her blue eyes. "I just wanted to make this weekend special for you"

"You did, Kate. It's been nice. I just… I think you might be trying too hard. Or maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I haven't accepted the promotion yet and maybe this is a case of premature celebration. I need to really think about my options and my future before I say yes to this. You understand, don't you?"

Kate stared at the ceiling for a moment before her eyes met mine and she answered, "Of course, Edward. Let's call it a night, ok?"

**A/N - Chapter 5 will update Tuesday. And then we will move to weekly updates, ok? Good.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - You guys are so nice and encouraging. Thank you. I love how everyone is hating Kate. The way I see it, if I had made her nice, it would be harder to get rid of her. This way she won't be missed. I am sorry to say that it is not yet time to see her go. Hang in there. She will make her exit eventually.**

**I have written through chapter 11 and this one remains the longest at just over 3600 words. **

**Much thanks to my beta, Athome Jo and to 107yearoldvirgin and jodadsobad for pre-reading. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or it's characters.**

Chapter 5

"Comfortable: relaxed, secure, and in content... It's funny how even the word brings some comfort.

We've all experienced it. It's a safe feeling, pure happiness, or emptiness.

It's hard to find the right medium & how long you can sustain being uncomfortable.

I am a firm believer though that until you let yourself be truly uncomfortable, you can't reap the joys of being truly comfortable." — Shayna Sandlan

Today is Sunday. Its Family Day. For as long as I can remember, the Cullen family has eaten Sunday brunch together. Sometimes we meet at a restaurant. Other times we attend a movie together or listen to a local band. No matter how many different directions we are scattered during the week, we all make a point to spend a few hours together to catch up on each other's lives. My brother Emmett and his wife, Rosalie, drive 2 hours from Northern Indiana every Sunday in order to continue this tradition. Rosalie is Jasper's sister. Since he is now considered family, he and Alice ride with me to my parent's house.

"How are thing's going with Kate?" Alice asks almost as soon as she gets in the car. I'm beginning to get used to Alice and her ways.

"Things with Kate are good, Alice," I respond. "How are things at 'New Beginnings'?" I hoped bringing up her business might get her mind off of Kate.

Alice launched into a story about an un-named celebrity who was arrested for shoplifting from her store this week. "I mean, I understand that this isn't her first time, but really, if you're gonna shoplift, why bother in a re-sale store? Wouldn't you want to get something new? I think this poor girl has more problems than just having sticky fingers, if you know what I mean."

"Yes, Alice," I laughed, "I'm pretty sure I get what you mean." I was so thankful that she was easily distracted.

"Well, Edward, obviously you don't want to talk about your romantic entanglements," Alice says cheekily, "why don't you tell me what's going on at Hunter-Danali?" So much for being distracted.

"Alice, your boyfriend works there, too. Doesn't he tell you anything?" I demanded, slapping Jasper on the shoulder.

"Well, yes, he does. I just wanted to get someone else's view on things," she says cryptically.

Jasper finally joins in, "There is something I haven't told you yet, Ali. Guess who I saw at the office on Friday? Bella. She was there with James. Did you know they were seeing each other?"

Shocked, I couldn't help asking, "You know Bella?"

Jasper's head whips around to me and he says, "Wait, YOU know Bella?"

Alice nods to me and then Jasper and says, "Yep and Yep. Bella and I met a few years ago when she helped do the ads for my grand opening. She has become one of my best friends."

Jasper is still looking confused. "So Ali," he asks, "you know that Edward knows Bella? How do YOU know her, Edward?"

"Bella and I dated in college," I answer. "I saw her in the office on Friday, too, but I didn't get a chance to talk to her. I heard that she is seeing James. How long have they been together?" Nosey, I know, but I figured this may be the only way I can find out what Bella has been up to.

Jasper answers since Alice seems to be struck mute. "About 2 months now, right Ali? Alice?"

Alice finally shakes her head and says, "Yeah, 2 months. Of course, they knew each other back in college too, so they already had a foundational friendship."

"Oh man," Jaspers says, "I forgot that you and James went to school together, Edward. Did you know him well back then?"

_James and Bella were bent over the table, when I came into the kitchen. There were photos spread out everywhere. Bella was working with James on a project for school and they were trying to determine which prints they wanted to use. I noticed James's hand hovering around Bella's lower back as he leaned into her. His face was entirely too close to hers for my liking. I cleared my throat to alert him of my presence. I vowed to keep a closer watch on James during their time together._

"We're here, Edward," Alice says before she bolts out of the car and into my mother's arms. I shake my memories from my head and join everyone out on the front lawn.

Jasper is next to hug my mother. "You're lookin' as fine as ever, Miss Esme," Jasper drawled. It's amazing how that Texas accent always makes an appearance when he thinks he's being smooth.

After mom ruffles J's hair, she throws her arms around my neck and brings me close. "How have you been, sweet boy?" she asks.

"Good, Mom. I've been good." It's not really a lie. I just choose not to go into the details.

I hear Emmett before I see him. "Rosie, baby," he begs, "just one little bite? I won't tell anyone, I promise."

"Back off, Emmett," she says. Rosalie is the only person in the world, besides my mother, who could safely utter those words to Emmett. Especially when food is involved.

Kissing me on the cheek, Rose says, "Take him outta here, would you, Edward?"

I grab my brother around the neck and pull him into the living room. "How've you been, bro?" I say.

"Good man. Been really good. How are things with you? You look like shit." Emmett never was one for mincing words.

"I've had a lot on my mind lately, Em." Emmett walks over and sits down on the sofa. I choose to stand and pace.

"Well, c'mon. Let me hear it. I need to fulfill my duty as big brother," Emmett says with a grin.

"I was offered a promotion at work," I start.

Suddenly Emmett was on his feet and slapping me on the back. "Congratulations, Bro," he booms.

"Yeah, thanks Em, but I don't know if I'm going to accept."

"Why not? This is everything you've worked for, right man?" Emmett was sincerely confused.

"I'm just… I don't… the thing is, Em, I think I only got the promotion because of Kate. When Mr. Danali offered me the position, he mentioned that he had a talk with Kate about me. Anyway, there is this guy, Marcus, in the department that has been there at least 10 years longer than I have and he just KNOWS so much more than I do. The position should go to him. Why am I being offered the promotion, unless its because of Kate?" My thoughts come tumbling out of my mouth. I look over at Emmett to see if anything I said made any sense.

Obviously it did, because Emmett was locked and loaded. "Edward, I want you to put a stop to that right now. You have worked hard and put a lot of time into this job. You are very creative and put your whole heart into everything you do. They are very lucky to have you."

"I know, Emmett," I say, "but, its just that I learn so much from Marcus on every project. He is very knowledgeable and is so well respected in the office, and in the industry in general. As much I want to move up in the company, I don't want to do it at the expense of others more qualified than myself."

"Ok. It sounds a little like you've already made your decision, Little Bro." Emmett plops back down on the couch and raises an eyebrow at me. "If that is the case," he says, "what else is troubling you?"

_How does he do that? _

"Um, I've been remembering a lot of my past these days." Emmett nods at me to continue. "More specifically," I confess, "I've been thinking a lot about my time with Bella. And then, she showed up in the office with James this week. It was all just very weird and a little overwhelming."

"Well shit, dude. Did you talk to her? What did she say that has you so wound up?"

I run my hand through my hair and over my face before answering, "That's just it, Emmett. We didn't even speak. I just spotted her through the window of James' office." _sort of _"She looks really good. Successful, ya know? And happy? Maybe?" I figure I better stop rambling now while I'm ahead.

Jasper and Alice make their way into the room at the same time that Emmett says, "Not that I'm prying, but what ever happened with you and Bella anyway?"

I shoot a look over at Alice, but she is studying the invisible spot on the knee of Jasper's jeans. I decide that since we are all friends I could go ahead and answer, "We just decided that we were headed in different directions, ya know? And she agreed with me, Alice, so stop shaking your head at me. Bella was very quick to jump on that train. A little too quick."

Emmett snorted and said, "Such a cop out. What does that even mean, anyway?"

"Well, Emmett," I answer, "I don't know exactly what it means to Bella, but for me it was just time for a change. I love her, but we had lost that 'new car smell'. Does that make sense? The thrill was gone and Bella and I just decided it was time to end it. Neither of us wanted to end up resenting the other."

Again, Alice was shaking her head from side to side. Before I had a chance to question her, Emmett pipes up with, "That's just bullshit, Edward. You two loved each other and were fantastic together. I can't believe that there wasn't something more significant to end your relationship."

"That it, Emmett. No major blow-up. No infidelities. Some times things just end."

I guess Alice was done keeping quiet, because she chose this moment to say, "And sometimes a person is just a clueless bastard without a brain in his head or a heart in his chest." WOW.

After I pick my jaw up off of the floor, I ask, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Alice? Are you saying I'm the clueless bastard in this scenario?"

"If the Jimmy Choo sling back sandal fits," she spits out as she jumps up from the couch and runs into the kitchen with Rosalie and Esme.

"What, Jazz? What do you know? What did I do?" I'm baffled. Truly confused and hoping Jasper can tell me what's going on.

"I got nothing for you, Edward. I didn't even know you and Bella knew each other. Sorry," he says sincerely.

"I need some fresh air, since I can't get answers." I get up and head down the hall to go outside. I slowly walk around the side of the house toward the back porch, thinking about Bella as I walk.

"_Bella, I, um, we-we should talk," I stuttered. Those were some of the hardest words to ever force passed my lips. Hardest, that is, before I uttered, "I think we need to talk about us. I just think that we need to step back and look at where our relationship is headed."_

_Bella's eyes popped wide open as she stared back at me blankly for a moment. Then she blinked and said, "Yes, yes, I think I know what you mean." Her voice sounded a little shaky, but I wasn't sure if it was because of her or if I was just shaking and it made everything sound weird. "Edward," she sighed, "I think it's time…"_

"_Yeah," I answered, "I think it's time for us to go our separate ways. I love you, Bella, I really do. I just think that we may be heading in different directions. I know that things haven't been great for us since I started working at HD and, well, I just think I need to focus on that for a while. I would hate for us to continue on a down hill path and for us to end up hating each other. I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you like that." _

_Bella turned and looked out the window. "I was thinking the same thing. I know you have a career you are focusing on and I'm trying to start my photography business. I think it's best for us to part while we are still friends."_

_As much as it hurt to hear her say these words, I knew she was right. This was really the best course for us._

Through the open window, I can hear voices in the kitchen. I know its wrong, but when I hear my name I can't help but inch my way closer. Making sure I am in the shadows, I stop and listen.

"I can't listen to him spout his ignorance anymore," Alice is saying. "Bella has talked about her relationship with Edward. She told me all about how they met. How Edward became her best friend. Her confidant. Her lover. Her whole world. And then, after 2 years, he gets too big for his britches and tosses her to the curb like yesterday's garbage." Apparently Alice has heard a different version of what went down between Bella and I.

Gripping my hair by the roots, I struggle to keep my mouth shut. I have so many questions, but I'm afraid if I speak up Alice will stop talking. Thank heavens for Rosalie and her insatiable curiosity. She seems to know what's on my mind and asks, "What does Bella say happened? "

"During their Senior year, Bella was working on a photography project with James Hunter. She said that Edward became very clingy and was constantly going with them as they took pictures and set up shoots. She said at first it was cute, how he became jealous and possessive whenever James was around. But then the day came that James helped Edward get the internship at his father's company. Between finishing up classes and starting a career with Hunter-Danali, Edward was awfully busy. James and Bella continued to grow closer as they worked on their project. Bella began to feel guilty about spending so much time with James, but he made her feel beautiful and wanted again. And no, before you go there, NOTHING ever happened, but it wasn't for lack of trying on James' part. All of his attentions made her feel desirable, just not to the only man she ever desired."

My mind is reeling. My chest feels painfully empty. I'm not sure I'm breathing.

"That's not fair, Alice." Rosie says, "You are totally leaving out Edward's feelings on this. Of course he desired Bella. She is fundamentally, indisputably gorgeous."

No shit, Rosalie. Even just waking up after a night of binge drinking and only 3 hours of sleep she is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. How dare Alice imply that I didn't desire her. I am livid. And pacing, apparently. First I have to hear that James continued to make moves on my woman, now I also have to listen to Alice say that I didn't "desire" Bella. "Bullshit, Alice. Bullshit," I whisper. I'm still not willing to give up my hiding spot. I need more answers.

"All I'm saying is that maybe Edward stopped letting Bella know how much he desired her. Maybe he stopped telling her, out loud, how important she was to him. Anyway, I'm not done, Rose," Alice says, "Bella wanted to surprise Edward and take him to lunch one day. She went up to Hunter-Danali and as she was looking for him she witnessed an interaction between Edward and Ms. Tanya Danali. Bella assured me that everything was fairly innocent on Edward's end, but that it was apparent to her that Tanya wanted him. It was also apparent that Tanya was willing to boost his career and make it easier for him to move up the company ladder. Bella left the office without ever letting him see her. She says she went and did some soul searching and decided that she needed to let Edward go. He was obviously being sought out by the sophisticated Danali heir and she said he looked interested enough in Tanya to make Bella doubt his commitment to the relationship they had together. Bella assumed it was only a matter of time before Edward left her for Tanya and all that Danali had to offer. When Edward brought up discussing the future of their relationship, she quickly jumped on board when he said that they were moving in different directions. Bella was hoping to ease her pain by not having to face the rejection."

"_Mmmm, Edward," Tanya hummed, "You smell delicious today."_

_I'm sure my eyes were as big as saucers as I watched her stroll seductively over to the desk where I was working. "Thank you?" I answered. "What can I do for you today, Tanya?" I was surprised I could say this without stuttering, as Ms. Danali made me very nervous._

"_Well," she responded, stroking her fingers through her hair, "I just thought I'd stop by your desk and see what was… UP, ya know?" Tanya ran her fingers lightly over the file I had been looking through. "I know you have done a SOLID job or us so far. I just want to be sure that things aren't too RIGID, or UNCOMFORTABLE for you."_

_Really? REALLY? Did she just…is she… did Tanya Fucking Danali just come on to me with innuendo and double entendre? I'd laugh if she didn't make me wanna pop a Xanax. God, she made me fucking apprehensive. She was beautiful, and smart, and… she was the boss's daughter._

_Just then I heard a noise and saw a blur of color outside the office. Before I could even think to question what it was, Tanya was smoothing her fingers up my arm as she questioned me some more._

I hadn't thought about that incident since it happened. To me it was just another day with Tanya. I soon found out that she was like that with everyone. I was not the only person she bestowed her affections on. I was simply the most naïve.

But WOW, how am I supposed to even respond to what Alice is saying. Surely that is not what caused Bella to agree to end things. Right? Bella and I talked and decided that we had grown too comfortable in our relationship and that we needed to just move on while we were still friends. Yeah, it hurt. And yeah, I missed her like crazy. You've seen the memories. But could she really have agreed so quickly, even if her feelings were the complete opposite? I have no response. I hardly have breath in my lungs. I take a deep cleansing breath and whisper, "No." Another breath and I shout, "NO!"

Alice and Rosalie turn toward the kitchen window and see me standing there on the porch. "Yes, Edward," Alice continues, "This is how it really went down. The truth that Bella hid from you so that you could lead the life you always wanted." Jasper, who opens the door for me, walks over and puts a comforting arm around Alice.

I turn and see Emmett standing in the hallway on the other side of the kitchen. "How much did you hear?" I ask him.

Scratching his stomach Emmett says, "Enough." He leads me back to the living room. Emmett has to guide me a little, because I am not really operating at full capacity at the moment. "What was your relationship with Bella like, Edward?" he asks.

"I'm not sure what you mean, Em," I reply, sliding slowly into an overstuffed chair. "We loved each other. Or at least that is what I've always thought. Who knows what's true anymore?" I stand and begin to pace the room. Again.

"What I mean, Edward, is were you guys hot and passionate? Ya know, sometimes the passion just burns out."

"No, Em. You've met us," I scoff at the idea, "You know that hot and passionate isn't either of us. We were best friends. We were comfortable. I think we just became too broken in. You know how you have to replace your shoes once they get worn in? I guess I thought that's what we needed to do."

Emmett frowns, his eyebrows all drawn in, and says, "Edward, did I ever tell you about the day I became so comfortable with Rosie that I thought I should give her the anal salute?"

"Oh Jesus, Emmett. Be serious. And how many fart euphemisms do you know, anyway?"

"I am dead serious, Edward. The day that I became that comfortable with Rosie is the day I decided that I needed to marry her. There is nothing better than knowing that the woman that is absolutely perfect for me is also the one that loves me like no other. And she will continue to love me for as long as humanly possible. This, Little Brother, is what you do when you find comfortable shoes. You buy them."

**A/N - Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think.**


	6. Chapter 6

A/N - Sorry for the confusion. I accidently uploaded the un-beta'd chapter that may have confused a few of you. The other chapter mentioned Bella ending the relationship and that is not how this went down. THIS is the correct story. Sorry. You all are fabulous.

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight. CluelessWard is mine.

Chapter 6

"As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it."

- Mahatma Gandhi

Thankfully, my mother had been out gathering some fresh veggies from the garden on Sunday and missed her baby boy being called a clueless and heartless bastard. As much as I wanted to leave after Alice's revelations, I knew it would hurt my mother and I just couldn't make myself do it. Instead, I was quiet for the rest of the day. Emotions were thick and tense at the brunch table. It was obvious that Esme was aware of the tension around her table, so Alice and I both made an extra effort to smile and act like nothing was wrong. I made excuses shortly after the meal and went home.

I didn't sleep much Sunday night and therefore my Monday was miserable. Of course, I think there may be some unwritten rule about miserable Mondays anyway. I begged off from seeing Kate Monday night. By the time work was over I was nursing a migraine anyway, so I really wasn't lying when I told her I just wasn't feeling up to doing anything with her that evening.

Tuesday was busy at Hunter-Danali, so I was able to keep my mind occupied with things other than Bella and the relationship we once had. The relationship that I threw away because I didn't know what it was that I wanted. I'll admit, I was flattered by the attentions that Tanya showed me back then, but I didn't end the relationship with Bella because of her. I did, however, easily fall into a relationship with her as soon as Bella was out of the picture.

Maybe Alice is correct and I am clueless. I never should have ended things with Bella. I never should have let HD come first. I should've fought for her. I should've realized how much I loved her.

Today is Wednesday and I've had enough pouting. I decide that today is the day I seek Jasper's advice. I need to figure out what I really want with Kate, because things are just getting weird. On paper, it appears that she is perfect. Perfect for me. Perfect for this job. Perfect for the future. But something just isn't working. Jasper and Alice have been dating for 5 years. Surely he knows something about relationships and how to keep them going well.

I step into the elevator, push number 7, and wait to be transported to Hunter-Danali's floor. Just before the doors begin to close I hear the click of heels rushing toward the elevator. The next thing I know all of the air seems to have been sucked out into the hall as Bella steps into the elevator car. She looks fantastic in her bright blue and black wrap dress. It is just low enough to entice, but still leave room for the imagination to flourish. She is also wearing a pair of amazing black heels that I kinda wanna lick. Her eyes meet mine and she gives me a little smile. "Hello, Edward," she says quietly.

I catch a whiff of her scent as she steps by me. Warm vanilla. It's almost like a sugar cookie and I wanna take a bite. Then I remember all that I learned on Sunday and I want to throw something. I choose option number three and say a quick, "Hey," and glare at the number panel, thankful that we are not alone in the elevator.

I quickly jump out of the car as soon as we reach the 7th floor. I rush to Jasper's office and slide through the door, saying, "Hey man. I need to talk to you."

He looks up, startled, but waves me to sit in a chair. "What's up, Edward? Everything okay with the Johnson account?"

I shake my head and let out an un-amused chuckle. "Um no, I mean, yeah," I stammer, "everything is fine with the Johnson account. This is personal. You got a minute?" I look around the room hoping I don't appear nervous.

"Sure thing," Jazz says. "Is this about Sunday? You know I told you that I don't know anything. Alice refused to talk about it anymore after we left."

I nod, "Yeah I know, Jazz. That's ok. No. Listen, this is about Kate. I just don't know…"

"Yeah, Kate is great," Jasper cuts in, "she is really doing her best to help you move up around here. I think she is really good for you man. Just think of what her name can do to help open doors for you. Her experience and knowledge of the marketing business in particular is known throughout advertising. Yeah, I think you did good there, Edward."

"Well…I…Maybe, maybe things aren't as great as they seem, Jasper," I finally manage to say.

"Look, Edward, I'll be honest. I was expecting you to come crashing into my office on Monday, so this conversation isn't exactly a surprise. I knew that hearing all of that about Bella would fuck with your head. I've known you long enough to know how you think. What you have with Kate is good. Don't throw that away just yet. Give it a chance, dude."

I leave Jasper's office even more confused than when I entered. Jasper does make a good point. The problem is, I was struggling with the idea of Kate and I before I found out about Bella not wanting to give up on us three years ago. Things have been tense and weird with Kate since before I saw Bella again. As much as I hate to say it, I think it started when Kate and I finally had sex last week. No, the sex wasn't bad, but it seemed to bring about the end of us in my mind.

I'm trying. I truly am trying, but I just don't feel… anything… for Kate. Dispassionate. Devoid? Detached. Yep. Definitely detached. I consider calling Emmet, but I can only imagine how that conversation would go.

At noon I go down to the café on the first floor of our building. As I am waiting for my food, I feel a light touch on my shoulder. Turning around, I am met with Bella's concerned brown eyes. She is shifting her weight from foot to foot and nervously playing with her hair. The confident woman I saw in James's office last week is gone. Standing here is the shy girl I met my Sophomore year of college. "Edward?" she questions, "Are we- is everything alright? I mean, are we ok?"

Wow. First of all, that took balls for her to just come out and ask it like that. Secondly, I just can't deny the pull I feel toward her. Bella was my best friend for over 2 years. I miss her and here she is, reaching out to me. "Yeah," I tell her, "We're ok, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to you in the elevator. I had something on my mind that I needed to talk to Jasper about. I guess maybe I was a little rude, huh?"

She smiled. It was a heart deep, ear-to-ear, blinding smile that I felt down to my toes. "I'm so glad, Edward," she starts, "I was worried when James first mentioned having me meet him here at the office. I knew you were still here and I wasn't sure how… if… well, I just didn't know what would happen if our paths crossed. I know we ended as friends, but we just haven't seen each other in so long. I wasn't sure how you would feel about me being here."

"Bella, I am so glad to see you," I punctuate my words with a brief hug. "You should never feel weird or worried about coming to the HD offices. You have done enough work for this company the past couple of years. You have earned a good reputation and the respect of everyone around the office. You know that James would put you up in a large corner office if you would ever consent to doing more than just contract work for us."

I pause and look deep into her eyes before I say, "We're good. As far as I'm concerned, we are great." It was a tough speech to make, but I mean every word. At this point, it appears that I am willing to have her in my life any way I can get her there.

Just like every other day, around 3:00 in the afternoon, I begin to mentally and physically crash. I make my way to the break room to get a pick-me-up. While everyone else in the office is munching on soybeans and carrot sticks, I sneak to the vending machine to get my peanut M & M's fix. People say it's "unhealthy", but I remember reading somewhere that nuts are good for you, right?

As I near the open doorway to the break room, I hear the rattle of the vending machine. Stepping into the room, I see Bella pushing on the machine as she let's loose a stream of mumbled rants that sounds vaguely familiar. "Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity. Fuck. Damn. Shit. Fuck. Damn. Balls," Bella chuckles and adds, "and tits."

My laughter alerts her to my presence. "The King's Speech, right?" I ask.

Head hanging in mock shame, Bella answers, "Yes, I think that may be the best speech Colin Firth has ever delivered. Beating out anything Mark Darcy said to Bridget Jones and even eclipsing elegant speeches Mr. Darcy made to Elizabeth Bennett." Looking up at me, Bella continues, "I'm sorry, Edward. The machine is giving me troubles."

"I see that," I say, reaching for the coins in my pockets. "Here," I offer, "wanna try again?"

"Thank you," Bella says. "You didn't have to do that, but I do appreciate it." Bella drops the coins into the machine and takes the last bag of peanut M & M's. My face must have given me away, or maybe it was the tiny squeak I made as she pulled the bag from the door. Either way, Bella takes pity on me. She sits at one of the tables and empties the bag out onto a napkin. She waves to the chair beside her and moves the napkin in between the two chairs. "Sit with me for a minute?" she asks.

I drop, unceremoniously, into the chair beside her. I am so relieved to be able to have some of the chocolatey goodness, that I don't even feel uncomfortable about sharing a table with Bella. At least not until she starts asking questions. "How have you been, Edward? What have you been up to? How's the family and all of that?"

After chewing the candy that I had tossed into my mouth, I swallow past the lump that had formed there in my throat. I soon begin reciting all of the happenings of the last 3 years. Bella patiently listens and responds accordingly. She tells me more about her and Alice's friendship, and talks a bit about how her photography business is going.

As Bella sits catching me up on the past 3 years of her life, I become wrapped up in calm. It feels like someone has covered me in a warm blanket that blocks out all of the stresses around me. I no longer feel confusion over my relationship with Kate. The nervousness and anger that I had felt toward Bella is gone. The guilt that had been brought on by the offer of a undeserved promotion suddenly vanishes. I had forgotten how peaceful being with Bella can be, and suddenly I miss her. Which is weird, because I'm sitting right next to her, but I miss the way her body responds to my touch. I miss the way her hands used to roam over my skin. But more than anything, I miss seeing Bella's smile everyday. I miss having someone that I can be "me" with. I miss my best friend.

James startles us when he steps into the break room saying, "There you are, Bella. I've been waiting for you to come back to my office." He strolls in and possessively lays a hand on Bella's shoulder. Ah, yes, James. Thank you for the reminder that Bella isn't mine anymore. I need to remember that Bella is with James if I want to keep my heart in one piece.

I look up at the clock and realize that Bella and I had been in the break room talking for 45 minutes. Standing abruptly, I wave and say, "Well, I should get back to work. Thanks, Bella, for sharing and well, you know. See you later, James." I rush out the door and try to burn the image of James's hand on Bella's shoulder into my brain.

A/N - Thanks for reading

Song rec's -

Whisper by Ernie Halter

Out of My Hands by Dave Matthews Band


	7. Chapter 7

A/N - Thanks so much for continuing to read. Your kind words have been so inspirational. Much love to Athome Jo for being a fantastic bff and beta. Thanks to Fanny and 107 for pre-reading and giving me fabulous feedback and suggestions.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters.

Chapter 7

"Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."

- George Eliot

Friday night arrives and I am completely ready for the dinner meeting for the Johnson account. I drive to the hotel where the meeting will take place. After letting the valet take my car, I enter the hotel lobby. I'm a little bit early, but I'm not ready to enter the conference room we have reserved for dinner. I know that Kate and James are already there making sure that everything is ready. Kate, with her perfectly sexy body wrapped in an insanely expensive suit. Kate, and her perfect manners. Kate, and her obsessive drive to succeed. This is what is waiting for me in that conference room. Why am I not excited?

After watching a few of my co-workers come through the lobby, I decide to walk in with Marcus. Strolling into the room, I look around and see the screen set up. On one table is a laptop connected to the projector. A stack of multicolored folders sits on the table, awaiting their appointed time. I open one up to browse through it and realize that it is mostly documents. These folders are generally filled with colorful fliers and photos of print ads. Often included are color snapshots of the power point presentation on the product. Suddenly it dawns on me that the room is distinctly void of photographic posters and ads that would normally be here. These should come from Bella on this particular account. Turning once more to search the room, I realize that Bella isn't here.

James clears his throat to get everyone's attention, "We seem to be having some trouble with some of our printed materials. I think if we go ahead and begin eating dinner these issues will be resolved and we can continue our meeting at the end of the meal as planned." As he says this, the door flies open and in rushes a harried looking Bella carrying an armload of posters and pictures with a bag slung over her shoulder. She stops just inside the door and looks to James for instructions. "Ah yes, Isabella," he says, his eyes popping wide, "we were just getting ready to begin dinner. Why don't you go ahead and set up and then you can join us." James then takes a seat between two of the representatives from the Johnson group. I see Kate standing behind her chair, waiting for me to pull it out for her. As I move to do so, I look over at Bella to see how she is doing. She seems to have everything under control, but then I see her reach up and swipe at her eyes. Hmmm… is she crying?

Kate begins chattering about this and that. She is engaging those sitting around us. I'm thankful for her outgoing personality and general spirit of hospitality. This means that I can resume my study of the room without much worry. I look at Bella once again and notice she has taken her jacket off. I read the words on the back of her shirt a few seconds before they register in my brain. The words "Get Off My Dick" are there in bright yellow print against her black Beastie Boys shirt. Yes, I know it is a Beastie Boys shirt. I know this for a fact because this shirt that Bella is wearing used to be mine.

Bella looks around the table and notices that the seats on either side of James are taken. She continues to look around the table for an empty seat. She locates one directly to my right. Her eyes move past the chair to see who she would be sitting next to. When she sees me, she gives a slight smile and makes her way over to my side, causing my insides to squirm with nerves.

Kate notices the addition to our end of the table right away. "Betty, I'm so glad you made it here in time. James said you were having car trouble or something." I cringe when I hear Kate's tone. She's obviously unhappy.

"Uh, it's Bella actually, and yeah, I had a flat tire. I couldn't get the lug nuts to loosen so I could change it and ended up having to call a cab to get here. I know I'm not exactly dressed appropriately, but I didn't want to take time to go by my apartment before coming here. I wanted the material to be here in time for the presentation." Bella has a few strands of hair that have fallen from the knot in the back of her head. I am very tempted to tuck them back in, but really, how inappropriate would THAT be?

"I'm sorry that you had such a hard time," I say, "but Bella, you look fine. As a matter of fact, I really like your shirt." I smirk at her before turning back to Kate just in time to see Kate's eyes roll.

"Well," Bella chuckles, "I have it on good authority that The Beastie Boys are the greatest band ever. No really, I was doing a photo shoot for a couple who recently got engaged. I should've brought my clothes to change into, but I just wasn't expecting a flat tire."

Kate is leaning over my salad talking to Bella now, and she asks, "So, do you do personal, family type photos, like engagements, and Christmas cards and such?"

Bella smiles. "Oh yes, and my favorites are the baby portraits I get to take. I enjoy getting to play with the infants and actually getting them to smile. The best part, though is handing the infant back to his or her parent when the crying starts," Bella says laughingly.

Kate places her hand on my forearm and asks, "Does that mean you do wedding photos, too?"

My fork hesitates on the way to my mouth. Bella nods her head and says, "Yes, I do weddings, but not often. I usually only do them for family and friends."

Kate pats my arm and says, "That's good to know, right Edward? You consider us friends, don't you, Bella?" My eyes about fall out of my head and I can't even bring myself to look at Kate.

Bella's eyes dart from my face, to Kate's, then to Kate's empty left hand, and she raises one eyebrow at me. I still have no idea what to say, so I turn away and look for something else to comment on. Thankfully, Jessica, who is sitting across the table from us, has an urgent question for Kate.

"What was that about?" Bella asks. "Are you two that serious? How long have you been dating?" I guess I don't answer soon enough because Bella continues, "I'm sorry, Edward. That's, that's too personal. I-I…never mind. You don't have to answer." Bella turns back to her plate and begins fidgeting with her napkin in her lap. Her hair drops down, and I know she is hiding from me.

I want to ease her embarrassment, so I nudge her elbow with mine to get her to look at me. It works and when she looks up I answer, "Yes, we are dating, but not wedding serious. We've been only dating for about 4 weeks now. You can ask me questions, Bella, it's okay. Is it alright if I ask you a few?" Maybe she'll let me dig in her relationship for awhile.

As the dinner moves on, it becomes apparent to me that James is doing everything in his power to not let it appear to anyone that he has an intimate relationship with Bella. I mean, at first I didn't think anything of the fact that he didn't save her a seat beside him, because he is sitting between 2 of the Johnson reps. However, he keeps referring to her as "the photographer" and calling her "Isabella". He barely looks at her except for the brief moment when she pulls him aside before his presentation. After that interaction, I notice Bella swiping at her eyes again before she returns to the table.

The meeting goes well and the Johnson group is very impressed with our campaign. They even present the next project that they want us to begin working on. Overall, a very successful evening for Hunter-Danali.

I help Kate gather everything that she needs to take back to the office this evening. As we carry armloads of papers, documents and equipment out to her car, I ask, "Why can't this wait until the morning? You don't really want to go back to the office tonight, do you?"

Setting her laptop in the backseat of the car, Kate huffs, "Edward, we've already gone over this. There are notes I need to make and I want to do it while things are still fresh in my mind. Besides, this way I will have everything in place and not get set behind tomorrow." Kate slams her door closed and turns to me. She conjures up a smile and runs her hands up my chest. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?" she asks with a chaste peck on my lips, "For lunch maybe?" This is followed by a not-so-chaste kiss. Kate runs her tongue along my bottom lip and then tangles it with mine when I open further. "Mmmmm," she hums, "I've missed this. I will definitely see you tomorrow." Then she slips into the front seat of the car.

I go back into the conference room to make sure that Marcus has everything he needs from the room. I see Bella and James in what seems to be an argument over toward one corner. "C'mon, Bella," James says, "you know I have to do this tonight. Just come with me to the office and I will give you a ride to your car tomorrow."

Bella shakes her head no and looks around the room. Her eyes land on me and she raises her brows in question. "Edward?" she asks, "Can you possibly give me a lift to my car?" James is decidedly not happy with this turn of events.

"Sure?" I ask, although I'm not sure who I'm asking. "Yes, I'll give you a ride. Are you ready now?"

Bella turns back to James and says, "Yes, I think I'm done here." She walks over to get her jacket and then we walk to the parking garage. I don't really think that Bella is aware that she is mumbling to herself all the way to the car. "Stupid, cross-kicking, piece of shit. I should've known this wasn't going to work. I guess I'm just not enough, YET AGAIN. Who am I trying to kid? I wore Jimmy fucking Choos for that bastard."

"Whoa, Bella," I say, "breathe, honey. Deep breaths. Yeah, that's it. In through the nose. Out through the mouth." I help her into the car and take my time walking to the driver's side. I'm hoping to give her enough time to calm down before entering into a confined space with her. "I almost hate to ask, but are you alright?"

Bella takes a sharp breath and continues to stare out the window as I pull out of the parking garage. She swallows audibly before directing me toward her car, then she answers, "I don't think James was all that impressed with my choice of attire for the evening." She turns to me as she sweeps her hand down her, MY, Beastie Boys shirt.

Trying to laugh and lighten her mood I say, "You have a 'License to Ill'. What could possibly be wrong with that?" It's cheesy, but it makes her smile. "Besides, it looks better on you than it ever did on me. Is that all that's bothering you?" I ask cautiously.

"Well," she responds thoughtfully, "I was really hurt by the way James dismissed me tonight. It was like he was trying to hide the fact that we are dating. It was almost like I embarrassed him. I mean, I get that he didn't want to flaunt that shit in the face of the clients, but really, he didn't even fucking save me a seat near him. What does that say about us? Uuuuggghhh, ya know what? I don't want to talk about this anymore. So, that Marcus is really good at his job, isn't he? I've seen him before, but I haven't ever worked with him directly."

"Yeah, he's good," I reply. I loosen my tie and drape it over the rearview mirror. "Can I tell you a secret?" Bella nods. "Mr. Danali offered me a promotion last week. He asked me to be the head of the marketing department."

"Oh Edward, that's fucking fantastic," Bella starts.

"No," I declare abruptly. "It's really rather un-fantastic actually. I haven't earned that promotion. Marcus has much more experience than I do. He has tenure with the company and he just handles things much better than I ever could. He has a brilliant mind and knows how to encourage and motivate the people in our department. He should get the promotion. He's earned it and he would know what to do with it. I don't deserve it."

Bella is thoughtful for a moment before asking, "Does this mean you're not going to accept?"

"I don't know. I really don't think I will."

We stop at her car and I help her get the spare tire put on. I give Bella my phone number and ask her to text me just so that I know she makes it home alright, tonight.

"Okay, Dad, I'll text you when I get there," she says. Tucking her hair behind her ear, Bella turns her body toward me and tugs on my wrist, "And Edward, whether or not you accept it, you totally deserve this promotion." With that, she gets into her car and drives away with yet another piece of my heart.

A/N - If you are on facebook come visit me. I am Mamaloves Monkeys.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - I know I haven't responded to reviews, but in my defense, I just saw them about and hour ago when I got off of work. I will respond, but I wanted to go ahead and get this chapter posted. Many thanks to 107 and Fanny for reading and helping me get my thoughts in order. Thanks goes to Jo for beta'ing and making this readable.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters therein. I also do not own a More Cowbell T-shirt, but would most certainly love to.**

Chapter 8

Uncomfortable – adjective

1. Causing discomfort or distress; painful; irritating.

2. In a state of discomfort; uneasy; conscious of stress or strain.

Bella did text me when she got home on Friday. I think back to what could've been a disastrous texting blunder.

"_I'm home now, Dad. You can go to sleep now. -Bella"_

"_Good to know. Now lock the front door, put the pepper spray on the bedside table and get some sleep. -Charlie" _

As soon as I hit send I was desperately trying to will that text back into my phone. See, Bella's father, Charlie, was the chief of police in a small town in Washington state where she grew up. About 6 months after Bella and I broke up, I heard that Charlie had been killed during a routine traffic stop. He was hit by a logging truck while he was giving a speeding citation. Both Charlie and the person he was ticketing were killed. At the time that I was told about his death, Bella was not yet doing work for Hunter-Danali and I had no idea how to get in touch with her to offer my condolences. Over the years, I guess I had put the accident out of my mind which is why I was sitting here typing, "I'm sorry. I'm a jackass. Please forgive my complete idiocy." Before I could send my apology a third time, my phone buzzed again.

"_Stop Edward. It's ok. He'd be happy to know someone is looking out for me."_

Apparently my brain wasn't functioning at full capacity, because I replied,_ "Just trying to make the Chief proud."_

I slapped my hand to my forehead and tossed the phone down on the bed. I decided to take a shower before I went to sleep. After a failed attempt to relax my tense muscles under the hot spray of the shower, I crawled into bed. I glanced at my phone and saw one last text.

"_Thanks, Edward. I really think he would've been."_

On Saturday, Kate brings lunch by my apartment. We talk and laugh some, but the connection we used to have is lacking. Kate begins giving me seductive looks. At first I pretend that I don't see her and continue watching the movie she had chosen. Kate slides closer to me on the couch and begins scratching her nails lightly up my thigh. This is MUCH harder to ignore. Then I'm trying to remember why I'm ignoring her. She is an unbelievably sexy woman. And right now, She. Wants. Me. Besides, maybe this is what we need to re-establish the missing connection.

I slide lower on the couch and Kate climbs up over me. I run my hands down her back and settle them on her hips as she brings her body closer to mine. Kate nibbles her way up my jaw and then latches her teeth onto my earlobe, pulling a low moan from my chest. Kate offers a moan of her own, and by the time she leads me by the hand to the bedroom, my body has become a willing participant. My mind, on the other hand, is screaming in rebellion.

Later, when we return to the living room, I decide to listen to some John Coltrane while I find something to cook for dinner. Kate glides her fingers across my shoulders and whispers in my ear, "Oh Edward, thank you. You know how much I love Miles," thus, bringing me crashing down from my post-fuck high.

_We drove to the beach with the windows down. The smell of summer swirling through the car. The wind tossing Bella's hair round and round in a riot of browns and reds. Bella had one hand out of the window, floating on the wind as we drove. Her other hand was on my iPod in her lap. Her eyes were closed. She had the iPod on shuffle and her thumb was resting over the 'forward' button. The game we played went like this, Bella would let a few beats of music play and we had to try to beat the other at guessing the artist and song title. Our current genre was Jazz. Three or four piano notes played through the speakers and Bella shouted, "Miles," at the same time I yelled, "Coltrane." When the trumpet began to play I realized she was right. And that meant I was wrong, yet again. _

"_How do you do that?" I asked her, seriously. She was never wrong._

_Bella tossed me a smile and said, "I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill you."_

"That's Coltrane," I snap at Kate.

"What?" she says, curiously.

"This isn't Miles Davis, it's John Coltrane," I say with irritation punctuating each word.

"Oh," Kate says slowly, "Well, they kind of sound the same." She waves her hand dismissively.

I reign in my annoyance and keep my thoughts to myself. "_Sure they sound the same if you think a trumpet and a clarinet sound anything alike." _I'm not sure why this bothers me so much, but I'm just glad I don't say it out loud. This is my problem, not Kate's.

"Edward," Kate calls from the bathroom where she is reapplying her make-up, "Would you like to go to church with me tomorrow?"

Um…what? "What?" I ask, hoping I heard her wrong, "You want me to get some shirts with you tomorrow?"

"No, babe," Kate says coming fully into the kitchen, "I said I want you to come to church with me tomorrow. Will you? It would really mean a lot to me."

I slap a fake smile on my face and turn to look at Kate to make sure she's serious before I answer. "Sure," I tell her. "What time would you like me to pick you up?"

"Well, see, Edward," Kate stutters, "I, um, it would be best if we each drove and met there in the lobby, okay?" She is clearly uncomfortable and I would really like to know why.

"Okay," I agree, "But only if you tell me why that would be best." This had better be good.

"Well, Edward," she starts, pauses, takes a deep breath, and starts again, "Well, I just don't want anyone from church to see us drive up together and get the wrong idea," she finally mumbles.

"Aaaannnnddd…What exactly is the wrong idea?" I question, truly confused at this point.

"You know. I don't want anyone to think that we spent the night together or anything," words rush out of her mouth, but they are not computing in my brain.

"Why would you not want them to think we spent the night together?" _Please give me an answer I can understand._

"Because, Edward," she huffs, "these are CHURCH people. I don't want them to think we're having sex."

"Uuuuhhhh…" I'm stumped, "You mean like what we just did back there?" I point my thumb toward the bedroom.

"Yes. Edward these people think I'm a "good girl" and I don't want them to get the wrong impression of me or of you," Kate says, sliding her arm around my back.

"Don't you mean the right impression of you?" I ask. "Because really, at this point, the "wrong impression" would be that we aren't having sex, right? Because I'm not sure if you know this, Kate, but you and I just had sex in my room. This was not our first time, either. So, please tell me how people thinking we have sex is the wrong impression."

After a few quick blinks, Kate declares "I think I'm just going to go home," effectively halting the conversation. She moves into the living room to collect her shoes and purse. When she comes back to the kitchen she has a small business card in her hand. "Here is the church's address and phone number. I'll meet you in the lobby at 9:20, okay? Can you just do that for me?"

"Sure, Kate," I give in, "I'll be there." I lean in to give her a kiss before she leaves. "Goodnight."

After Kate leaves I try to make sense of my emotions that have been all over the place in the past few days. Seeing Bella again has really fucked with my head. I have known all along that I still love her. I just assumed that was because she was my first love, but talking with her in the office this week felt just like coming home. Not only does she look amazing, just being with her brings peace to my chaotic mind. I had forgotten what it was like to not have to put on a show, to not be Edward Cullen, the date of Kate Danali, or Edward Cullen, the next golden boy of Hunter-Danali. I want to just be Edward, who likes to play paintball in his time off or Edward, who likes to watch Jim torture Dwight on The Office, or my favorite, Edward, who likes to wear worn in jeans with faded t-shirts with inappropriate sayings. I never get to be that guy anymore and I'm just now realizing how much I fucking miss him.

I sleep through my alarm on Sunday morning and end up running a few minutes late to meet Kate. Almost as soon as I get out of my car, an usher throws open the door at the church. I watch as Kate springs out of the door and hurries toward me with a look of abject horror on her face. She stops me in my tracks by placing her hand in the middle of my chest. She then points her finger at my shirt at says, "Edward, what is that?"

I glance down to see what she was pointing at. Did I drip toothpaste on my shirt? All I register is Christopher Walken and the words "FEVER" and "MORE COWBELL". I don't see any stains or spills. "What?" I ask.

Kate pokes her finger into my chest and says, "THIS! WHAT. ARE. YOU. WEARING? You cannot wear that into God's house. Why didn't you wear a suit or something?"

"God's house," I snort. "God seems like a pretty cool guy, um, Being or Deity, I guess. If God invited me to His house, then I'm pretty sure He'd expect me to be comfortable and He wouldn't care if I wore this shirt. Besides, I remember reading that the Bible says that man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks at your heart. I guess that means that God doesn't even see my shirt. But, I bet if He did, He would think it's funny. C'mon, let's go inside." I turn and try to maneuver Kate toward the doors of the church. Unfortunately Kate wasn't finished with this conversation.

"Edward, please," she begged. "Please tell me you have SOMETHING else in your car that you can wear. Something that would be more appropriate for church."

My eyes roll in my head as I turn around and search the back seat of my car for something Kate would find appropriate. I find a black button-down shirt that she deems acceptable and I throw it on over THE Bruce Dickinson.

The rest of our morning at church is actually rather enjoyable. They play a lot of music, which I really dig, and then the pastor gets up and we read some Bible verses and he talks about how to use those verses in our day to day lives. Kate keeps shooting me looks and asking me if I'm okay. She acts like this is the first time I've ever stepped foot in a church. Maybe its been a few years, but I still remember a thing or two. "I'm fine," I tell her.

After church, we drive to my parents' house for Bar-B-Q. Emmett and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice, are already there. I introduce Kate and everyone begins talking and sharing about their week. I attempt to cover the tension by relating some humorous stories from the office this week. I'm grateful when Jasper begins telling stories from the finance department. I sit back and smile and just try to enjoy being with my family.

After lunch, Kate attempts to help my mother with clean-up, but since Esme won't let her help. She ends up just staying in the kitchen to talk with Alice and Rosalie. Emmett pulls me out in the backyard. "What's up, Bro?" he asks.

"Oh, ya know, Em," I respond, "the same 'ole shit." I don't look at Emmett as I answer and maybe that was where I went wrong.

Emmett punched me in the shoulder and said, "Lemme try that again. What the fuck is up your ass, Bro?" He sits down in one of the lounge chairs on the patio and waits for me to collect myself.

After rubbing my shoulder a bit, I realize that I'm going to have to be honest with Emmett. He will accept nothing less. "I went to church with Kate this morning."

Laughing like the ass he is, Emmett finally chokes out, "No shit, man, really? Church? Dude, I haven't been since Mom and Dad stopped making us go back in Jr. High." Stretching his arms up behind his head, Emmett turns his face to me and says, "You've got to tell me how that happened."

"Well," I begin, "she asked me to go. I went. It's pretty simple."

"Don't be a smartass, Edward. That's my job. Just tell me why the tension between you and Kate is so thick you could cut it with a knife."

Huffing noisily, I sit up in my lounge chair. "She didn't like what I wore. She also made me meet her there, because she didn't want people to know that we are having sex. This is exactly why I hated going to church when I was small, Emmett. Church is supposed to be about God, not everyone else that attends the service. It's just, I play a part all week long. I wear suits and ties and act a certain way. I just don't want to have to do that on the weekends, too. I don't know. Things have just been weird between us. Especially this week."

"Well," Emmett muses, "that sucks for you, Edward, and I'm sorry. I really am. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No thanks, Emmett," I state, "but, I think I'm going to have to break up with the boss's niece."

**A/N - I am updating while crossing my fingers, in the vain hope that ff . net will be working properly and you will all get your notices in a timely fashion. LOL. I'm really just trying to hurry up and get to the end of Edward and Kate's relaitonship. Thanks so much for reading. Let me know what you think.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N - Many thanks to my pre-readers for being fabulous and to my beta, athome jo for keeping me on track. I know I have been fail at replying to reviews, but they are coming in slowly and awkwardly from ff . net. Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement.**

**Chapter 9**

_"If I could have one lifetime wish, one wish that would come true, I'd pray to God with all my heart, for yesterday...and you!" - unknown_

After leaving Mom and Dad's on Sunday, Kate and I go back to my place where we had left Kate's car. She starts to toward her car after getting out of mine. "Kate," I ask, "can you come in for a minute?" I nervously stuff my hands in my in my pockets and look around the yard.

"Sure, Edward. Is everything alright?" she asks as I hold the door open or her.

"Um… maybe. Kate, I just…can we just sit down first?" I question, motioning her toward the sofa. After she appeared to be comfortably arranged, I began stuttering again, "I think… We need to… After today…," Five deep breaths later, I try again, "I've been thinking a lot about us lately." I decided to spit it all out at once in order to get everything said. "I just don't think we are right for each other, Kate. We don't have much in common outside of the office. And lately, I seem to be getting on your nerves as badly as you're getting on mine. I mean, no, that's not… What I mean is, we don't seem to be getting along very well. I seem to be irritating you often and I really don't see that coming to an end. I'm sorry, Kate. You really are quite perfect, just not for me."

Kate sits in stunned silence for a moment, before reaching over and grabbing a tissue from the side table. "Wow, Edward," she finally responds, "That is so not the way I thought this conversation was going to go. I was prepared to begin discussing plans for our future together. I guess I was way off base, huh?" Kate sniffles and wipes her face again. And then her shoulders begin to bounce with little sobs before she looks back at me and says, "Are you sure, Edward? I think we're great together."

Looking into her pleading eyes, I sigh and reply, "Yes, Hun, I'm sure. You met me at work while I was wearing my 'Hunter-Danali mask' and I'm just really tired of trying to keep that mask on all of the time. I am not that guy. In real life, I am lazy, and comfortable, and completely irreverent. I like crude humor and hanging out at the local sports bar. I just think this is for the best."

Kate takes another couple of minutes before standing and walking over to me. Through tearful eyes she looks at me and says, "Ok, Edward. If you change your mind… well…Goodbye, Edward." and she walks out the door to her car and drives away.

I stand in the doorway and watch her car's tail lights until they disappear around the corner at the end of the street. I close the door and turn on the television. All of a sudden I feel the need for noise to drown out the emptiness in my house. My phone buzzing across the table startles me after I'd been watching about 30 minutes of mindless TV shows.

I look at the screen and see Bella's name. I take a deep breath before answering, "Hello, this is Edward."

"Hi, Edward," she said softly, "I'm sorry to interrupt your weekend, but I just had to call and thank you one more time for helping me with my tire Friday night."

"It was nothing, Bella, really. And you aren't interrupting anything. Were you able to get your tire replaced yesterday?" I don't know why, but her gratitude embarrasses me so I change the subject quickly.

"Well, no," Bella responds, her voice still quiet and a little unsure, "I had other things to do yesterday and the places that are open on Sundays charge double, so I will try tomorrow."

"Well," I begin, "you know you cannot drive on that spare too long. Do you need help?" I immediately regret that I've moved into Dad-mode again. Even though I know it is no longer my responsibility, I just want to take care of her so badly.

"No-no. No fucking way, Edward. You went out of your way to help Friday night. No, I'm sure I'll be able to get it done tomorrow." While I am disappointed, I choose not to press the matter as Bella has always had a stubborn streak a mile wide. "I really don't want to keep you," she continues, "I just wanted to say thank you. Your kindness really made up for a shitty night. So…Thanks. I really appreciate what you did."

"Like I said, it was nothing, Bella," but suddenly I can't control my mouth and say, "but now you owe me. I'll have to think of some way you can make it up to me." I silently smack myself in the head. What am I even thinking, trying to flirt with her like this? And now she is uncomfortable. She still hasn't responded. I try to fill the silence by laughing, "No, Bella, I'm just kidding. You can get me a bag of peanut M&M's the next time you're in the office and we'll call it even."

I am still wondering if I've dug myself out of the hole when she giggles and says, "Ok, Edward, you have yourself a deal. I really need to go, but I'm sure I'll see you sometime this week at HD. Have a good night."

"OK, you too, Bella," I sigh and push the end button.

Monday passes by in a bit of a blur. Even though I am the one that broke up with Kate, I am still sad and mourning the loss of what could've been. Well, what could've been if she had been completely different. Or if I had been my exact opposite. OK, so I am just wishing that I didn't have to be alone. Kate may have expected me to be someone I'm not, but she was a good companion. Or maybe she was just really hot and kept me from having to try on someone new. Basically, I am all over the place. The good news is that there is a meeting for the Johnson account tomorrow and I have a lot of work to do to keep me busy. Marcus has given me a lot of responsibility and I am determined to earn the promotion I have been offered. I still haven't decided to accept it, but I still want to prove to myself that I can do it.

Mr. Danali calls me into his office around 3:00 Monday afternoon. All of a sudden I feel like I've swallowed a whole pack of Tazmanian Devils who were all trying to spin their way out of my stomach. I didn't even consider what breaking up with Kate could mean for my promotion, or my job for that matter. I knock very lightly on Mr. Danali's office door and wait for him to let me in. The door opens with a CREAK and Mr. Danali invites me to enter and be seated. "Edward, my boy," he starts, "How are things going today?"

I ponder his question as he finds a chair close to mine. He doesn't seem upset or angry. In fact, he seems quite jovial. "Well, Mr. Danali, Sir," I clear my throat and try again, "things have been very good today, sir. We have one of our last meetings for the Johnson account tomorrow. I know they were very pleased with all that they saw at the dinner Friday night."

"Good," he says, clapping his hands together, "That's great, Edward. So tell me, have you had a chance to think about the promotion we talked about?" WHAT? Really? This was still on the table? I wonder if Kate just hasn't spoken to him yet. I guess Mr. Danali caught my stunned look because he stands up and says, "Kate was in earlier and told me how well things went Friday night. She told me about all of the work that you have put into this account. You've done well, Son."

Still shocked, I do manage a quiet, "Thank you, Sir," before staring at the floor again. I guess Kate didn't say anything about the break up. Or maybe she did and he just doesn't care? Either way, I still am not ready to accept this position. "Um, Sir," I finally find my voice and speak, "I have thought about the offer, but I just have not come to a decision. Can you give me a few more days to look at it from all angles?"

Mr. Danali's smile drops a little, but he says, "Sure, Edward. Let's say… next Friday. How about you come by at 10:00? Enjoy the rest of your afternoon."

"Thank you, Sir. That sound great. And you have a good day too, Sir," I respond before exiting the room quickly.

Tuesday arrives and I am fully prepared to share everything with James and Marcus. I gather my documents and reports and make my way to Marcus's office. I am showing him some of the research that I had done, when there is a knock on the door. I look up expecting to see James, but instead, there stands Bella. At least I think its Bella. She is wearing her sexy librarian outfit again with those ridiculously high 'Fuck Me Pumps'. I was dangerously close to following the shoes advice, when Marcus spoke.

"Good morning, Bella. To what do we owe the pleasure of your company today?"

Bella looks down at the desk and shifts her weight back and forth for a minute. She then taking a deep breath and she looks directly at Marcus, avoiding eye contact with me. "Well, um," Bella clears her throat and starts again, "Well, Marcus, today I am meeting with you and Edward to go over the latest results from the focus groups." Her eyes briefly flicked over to me when she said my name, but other than that, Bella focused solely on Marcus. This was such a shock after the way things had been between us. I thought we had moved passed the awkwardness and hurt. Apparently, I was wrong.

"Where is James?" Marcus questions further.

Again, Bella's eyes move in my direction, but only for a moment, before she answers, "I asked James to let me meet with you directly, Marcus. I guess he asked Edward to join us? That's ok. How about we get started." Just like that, shy, hesitant Bella was gone. In her place was the confident, no-nonsense version that was determined to ignore me. We were able to work civilly, but I couldn't help missing the connection that we always seemed to find.

Soon, we were finished presenting our findings to Bella. After making note of all the changes needing to be made, she begins to gather everything into her bag. She appears ready to make a hasty retreat. I sigh heavily in frustration, finally getting Bella to look at me. I offer her a small smile with a raised eyebrow. Bella ducks her head, shakes it, then looks back with a small smile of her own before saying, "Thanks guys. I'll be in touch," as she quickly walks out the door.

I don't have time to over think the weirdness of my latest 'Bella Encounter' as Marcus asks me to take all of the notes from our meeting over to James. I quickly agree, vowing to find out why Bella was meeting with Marcus and I rather than James, her boyfriend.

I review the last hour in my brain as I walk to James's office. I pour over each of Bella's looks, over each movement of her hand, over every word that she said. Nothing gives any hints to why we have had such a setback in our friendship.

I enter James's office and begin talking immediately. I want my questions answered as soon as possible without drawing too much attention to my desperation. "Marcus asked me to bring you the notes on the changes being made to the Johnson print materials," I say quickly setting everything down on James's desk.

"Well, hello, to you too, Edward," James says, chuckling, "How are you today?" James leans back in his chair, propping his hands behind his head and smirking at me. He knows something is up with me and he's decided to play with me a bit. That's ok. I can take it.

"Oh, I'm well, thanks, James. How are you? I bet you had a pretty good weekend after the successful dinner on Friday. Did you do anything special?" See, I can be patient. "Maybe with someone special?"

"Aaahhhh," James says knowingly, "Well, no actually. Not anything special, anyway." He continues to grin at me from behind his desk, swiveling back and forth in his chair.

Damn, now he definitely knows that something is up. Subtlety is no friend of mine.

I decide to cut through the bullshit and just ask. "Fine, I give. What happened, James? Why did Bella ask to meet with Marcus today? She was acting really odd."

James grimaces at my question. "Really?" he says, "Really, Edward? Are you still panting after that girl? Well, you can have her. After Friday's fiasco, I told her that I couldn't see her anymore. I thought she had changed, matured, ya know? You saw her here in the office, right? She looked so professional and gorgeous. She has quite a talent and drive for her work. I thought maybe she and I would be able to pick up the relationship that we had developed back in college. Turns out she hasn't changed much since then. She still smokes like a chimney, speaks like a trucker, and dresses like a twelve-year-old boy. I tried getting her to try new places and things, but she always wanted to go eat wings or burgers and go see the Cubbies play. Now, I have nothing against the Cubs, but she wouldn't agree to sit in the box. Oh, no. Bella wanted to experience the game and sit in the stands. No, man, she just doesn't present the type of image that is necessary in order to be James Hunter's girl."

Oh, well, maybe Bella was just uncomfortable or even sad. Yes, that has to be why she was acting so strange. I bet she is really disappointed that things didn't work out for her and James. "I'm sure coming here had to be uncomfortable for her today. I'm sorry things ended for you two. She really is a great girl." I am really trying to keep James from examining my intentions too closely. Especially since I don't really even know what those intentions are at this point. "Did you need anything else, James? I'm gonna go, then. See you later."

"Right. See you later, Edward," he says, not even looking up from the information I just gave him.

I see Jasper is in his office when I pass by, so I back up and go in. I need to get his view on Bella's behavior this morning. I plop into a chair and wait for Jasper to finish his phone call.

"Yes, baby. I know. Edward just came in. I'll ask him as soon as I hang up, ok? I love you, too. Bye," Jasper hangs up and swings around to look at me. "What's up, Edward?"

"Do you have a minute, Jazz? I need to talk some shit out and try to make sense of what is running around my head before I go crazy." No need to hold back with Jasper. He can read my emotions like a book anyway, so why not just get to the point, right?

"Sure, Edward," he answers, "but, before I forget, Alice wanted me to see if you were free on Saturday night. I told her you probably had plans with Kate, but I know if I don't ask…" Jasper sliced his finger across his throat and stuck out his tongue. Yeah, I would be afraid of the Evil Pixie, AKA, Alice as well. She may be tiny, but she was scary and determined.

"Yeah, about Kate, I broke up with her on Sunday," I spit out, and then, hoping to avoid the inquisition I rushed on with, "so I don't have any plans. What're we doing?"

"Wait. What?" Jasper asked. "You and Kate broke up? Why? How? I thought things were good. I mean, you just introduced her to the family on Sunday." I could tell that Jasper wouldn't move on until he had his questions answered. He could read emotions like they were the Sunday Comics, why couldn't he just learn to read minds, too?

"Yes, Jazz. We broke up. Sunday was the finale in the carnival of crazy that was our relationship. Things hadn't been good for a while, we have nothing in common and this Edward, the one I show at work, yeah, she expected me to be like this ALL THE TIME. I had no down time. I was always in my HD Edward mask. I guess I really can't blame her for that. I was the one to put on the mask in the first place, but this weekend was just horrible. Sunday she showed a whole new side of herself to me that I just couldn't take. I went to church with her, but it was so hypocritical. She wanted me to dress a certain way and arrive separately from her so that people wouldn't think we had slept together. It just seems silly to hide it. Not one of those people in that place is perfect, so why would they expect me to be perfect? Anyway, it was just such a joke. I knew I couldn't do it anymore. Besides, I can't seem to escape the fact that I still have feelings for Bella."

And cue the Jasper scowl, "No Edward. Just… No. You cannot go back there again. She and James just broke up this weekend and she is very vulnerable. You can't drag her back into your indecisive crap. You need to take time to figure out what you want before you try to be with ANYBODY."

"I know Jasper, I know. Look," and I pulled out my phone, "I started a list. A list of qualities that I would like to see in a woman. I figured that I keep fucking things up because I'm not sure what I want. So… I decided to figure out what I want. So far, Bella is all of these things." I put my phone back in my pocket, as Jasper seemed less than impressed with my list. "We were doing good building our friendship back up and then today happened. Bella came in for a meeting with Marcus and I and she wouldn't even look at me. I think it may have just been a difficult day for her. She was so heartbroken that she even asked James not to attend the meeting so that she wouldn't have to see him. I'm hoping that is the only thing wrong. I mean, I don't think I did anything. Have you heard Jasper? Has Alice said anything about Bella and I?"

"Stop, dude. Really. I can't take anymore. No, Alice hasn't mentioned anything about you and Bella. She did tell me that Bella and James broke up, but that Bella really wasn't in love with him anyway. It did still hurt her because it brought back a lot of the feelings of rejection that she had buried from when yo-from things that happened long ago. Still, Edward, you know you don't want to jump into this right now. Give it a little time. Give her a little time. She is still a little gun shy around you, and now she is dealing with James's rejection… Please, just say that you'll wait and not rush things."

"Sure, Jazz. You know I won't do anything that could hurt her. At least not intentionally. So… about Saturday…?"

Jasper stared at me sternly for a moment before responding, "Uh, yeah. Alice's cousin, Riley, is in a band and they are playing at Schuba's. They start at 8:00, so I'm sure we will be there by 7:30. Emmett and Rosie are staying in town all weekend, so they will be there, too. Just meet us whenever."

"Absolutely, man. Tell her I'd love to come. It sounds like fun. I've got some more work to do so I'll see you later, ok?"

**A/N - Thanks so much for reading. You can find me on facebook. I am MamaLoves Monkeys. I am also on Twitter though I rarely tweet, aidan_momma.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N - So...we have a little bit of lightly sweetened lemonade in this chapter. This has been an epic week, what with the leaked BD pics and my pre-reader, jodadsobad, becoming a fandom legend. Thanks, Fanny, for taking time out of your busy schedule of ruining the lives of 12-year-olds in order to pre-read my little story and offer me advice and encouragement. Thanks also go to 107yearoldvirgin for being fawesome and to athome jo for knowing me as a teenager and still finding a way to love me today. Jo knows the right questions to ask me in order to point this baby in the right direction.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer has not given up the rights to Twilight to me...yet. I keep praying that the day will come.**

Chapter 10

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth

until the hour of separation. - Kahlil Gibran

Jasper stops me on my way to the elevator Friday evening and says, "Hey man, Emmett and Rose are staying with us tonight. You want to come eat dinner and hang out with us?" Although I'm not terribly excited about eating Alice's cooking, I do want to spend time with my brother and my friends. I can swallow whatever she brews together in exchange for one evening of fun.

"Sounds great, actually. Thanks for keeping me busy, Jazz. I appreciate you not letting me wallow." Truly I am grateful. If I had stayed home tonight, I would just sit around and stress over why I can't seem to make relationships work. And then I'd think, ok, obsess about Bella. Which would lead to nowhere good. "Can I bring something?" I ask.

"Umm…How about you pick up some drinks? Can you do that?" Jasper suggests.

"Absolutely, I'm going to stop at home to shower and change and then I'll head over. Em texted me earlier to tell me that he and Rosie were already hanging out with Alice, so I guess I'll see you in a few," I say before I press the elevator button.

The hot spray of the shower warms and relaxes me. I'm looking forward to hanging out with Emmett and Rosalie. You never know what to expect from Em, which makes my mother nervous, but always makes me smile. As I rinse the suds from my hair my thoughts once again drift to Bella. She always loved Emmett. She said he was like the brother she never had. When Emmett and Rosalie first started dating, there were many times that I expected Bella and Rose to come to blows. Bella did NOT approve of Rosalie. She thought Rose was a stuck-up bitch, and Rose thought that Bella had too much interest in Emmett's relationships. Eventually, Bella discovered that Rose has a hard exterior, but inside she is perfect for my brother. Rose soon found Bella's protectiveness for Emmett to be endearing and rather sweet. They grew quite close before I broke-up with Bella. I don't know if they've even kept in contact with each other or not. God, I'm such an idiot. How did I not think about all of the things that would be affected by breaking up with Bella?

I stopped at a liquor store on the way to Alice and Jasper's and picked up a couple of six-packs of Heiney. I may still be thinking about Bella, because Heineken was Bella's favorite beer. I know Emmett likes it too, so I convince myself that I bought it for him.

Emmett opens the door when I knock. I am assaulted by my brother's arms and the tantalizing aroma of some sort of Asian dish. Alice must have ordered in because I know neither her nor Rose could come up with something that smells so heavenly. After removing myself from Emmett's hug, I step up to kiss Rose on the cheek. Behind her, Alice has her arms open waiting for a hug. I wrap my arms around her and she whispers, "Be good," leaving me completely confused. I hand Jasper one of the six-packs and follow him to the kitchen. After crowding the Heiney into the icebox (and humming a little Weezer to myself) I turn and realize that Jazz and I are not alone in the kitchen. Bella is stirring some vegetables in a wok on the stove. Well, at least that explains the appetizing dinner.

She shyly smiles saying, "Hello, Edward. I hope Bulgogi and stir-fried veggies is ok with you."

I shake my head and answer, "Sure? I guess. What is Ba-go-gy?" I move a little closer to the stove, but stop when I notice Bella eyeing me warily.

"It's Korean BBQ beef. It's thinly sliced beef that's been marinated in soy sauce, sugar, and some other things. This is just vegetables here. The Bulgogi is out on the grill," she says, pointing to the patio door.

"Oh, shit," Jasper exclaims, running out of the door.

"Well, I guess it wouldn't be dinner with Jazz and Alice without something being burned," I laugh and nudge Bella with my elbow. She laughs, smiles up at me, and then shoves me out of the kitchen. I wander back into the living room to chat with Alice, Rose, and Emmett until dinner is ready.

Bella brings the vegetables and a large bowl of steamed rice to the table as Jasper sets the meat tray on at potholder. I look around at everything, rub my hands together and announce, "This looks and smells amazing, Bella. Thank you for preparing it for us."

"Forget that shit," Emmett says. "Let's dig in," and he begins loading up his plate.

Bella must've noticed the worried look in my eyes, because she places her hand on my arm and whispers, "Don't worry, Edward. I have more in the kitchen. I know how much he likes to eat." Then her brows draw in slightly and her eyes settle on her hand grasping my arms. She sucks in a quick breath and hastily removes her hand to her lap.

The food is delicious. The company is fun. The conversation is… well, its just ridiculous, but that is to be expected, given the members of this group. I learn that Bella and Rose have been able to continue their friendship. They get together every Sunday either before or after the Cullen family gathering. It turns out that Rose is the one who introduced Bella and Alice, encouraging Bella to help Alice with her grand opening.

After dinner, we all help clean up in order to get started on the movie. The girls decided on the latest Johnny Depp movie. While it wasn't my first choice, it really doesn't bother me too much. It's been a long week and I'm really too tired to pay attention and properly enjoy a movie, anyway. Jasper and Alice are curled up together on the loveseat. Emmett is stretched out on the couch with Rosalie snuggled up in front of him. Bella chooses the floor and places her pillow and blanket in front of the coffee table. I have a choice between a large chair over in the corner, or pulling up a patch of carpet near Bella. Can you guess what I choose?

"Mind if I join you down here?" I ask. "I don't want to sit any place where I can see Emmett. I've been witness to my fair share of intimate moments between him and Rose and I don't want to ruin Alice's carpet or insult you by losing my dinner," I joke, hoping she doesn't see through my lame excuse.

Whether or not she guesses my motives, she agrees and scoots over a little. She even offers to share her pillow with me. Laying beside her is torture. She smells delicious. I've always wondered how she smells like sugar cookies. She even loved making sugar cookies. For every holiday, she would make them and decorate them. I used to "help". So, maybe my help came in the form of licking the mixer paddles and disposing of any of the broken cookies that couldn't be decorated.

"_Do we have a cookie theme this year or are we just doing random Christmas decorations?" I asked after I've licked the mixer paddles clean. "Because, you know, I'm thinking we should just do a reindeer theme. We could give everyone eight distinct reindeer cookies. I'm pretty sure that I could take care of Rudolph's nose. "_

_Bella pulled a tray of cookies out of the oven. I couldn't help ogling her ass while she's bent over. It truly is a luscious ass. While she was distracted placing the cookies on a cooling rack, I bent down and sunk my teeth into her delectable backside. Bella spun around and snapped her dish towel at me. "Back," she squealed, "you stay back." She was laughing, even though I know she takes her cookie decorating VERY seriously. "I have 3 more trays to cook tonight. You WILL let me finish," she demanded, waving her hand in front of my face._

_I couldn't help but chuckle and declare, "Your Jedi mind tricks will not work here. My mind is too far into the gutter." I began backing her into the corner as she giggled and pushed against my chest. Little did she know that her little shoves and wiggles were only turning me on more. After I had her flush up against the corner cabinets, I leaned my head down and ran my nose from her chin up her jaw line to her ear. She sighed deeply and then moaned as I gently nibbled on her earlobe. Bella's hands began to roam and soon she was trying to climb my torso. I placed my hands behind her knees and ran them up to grab that juicy bottom that I had so recently taken a bite from. I lifted Bella and sat her on the edge of the counter. My lips moved to her throat and my teeth gently grazed her collarbone. Running my hands up her thighs I lightly pushed to spread her legs and make room for my body to slide in between them. _

_I looked up to see that Bella's eyes had darkened, making it nearly impossible to distinguish her irises from the deep chocolate that is usually found there. I slowly rubbed my cock into Bella thigh and slid my hands up under her shirt. She scoots closer to the edge of the counter enabling me to grind my dick right into heated seam of her jeans. Her hands slid up into my hair and she was continuously pulling me closer, ever closer. I licked my way back up to her mouth. I gathered her bottom lip between my teeth. I sucked that lip further into my mouth and licked it. Then she opened her mouth further, allowing me to slide my tongue in to dance with hers._

_Bella groaned and clutched my shoulders. She trailed her hands around to my chest and began unbuttoning my shirt as I continued my attack on her lips. I has to pull back when her nails scraped over my nipples and a hiss was forced from my throat. "Be-lllaaa." I moaned._

"_Ed-warrd," she responded as my grinding became more frenzied and my hands frantic._

"_Yessss, Bella," I hummed as my fingers traced the scalloped edge of her bra, skimming along the silky skin just above where her nipples were threatening to cut through the cotton containing them._

"_Oh Ed-waaaarrrrrdd," Bella's voice deepened and I rubbed us closer to oblivion._

"_Yes. Yessssss," I reply. I couldn't keep quiet if my life depended on it._

"Edward! Wake up before you embarrass yourself."

"Mmmmm... What?" My eyes pop open to see Emmett's face hovering upside down over mine. "What are you doing, Em?"

"Saving you a mess in your pants and a sexual assault charge," he says, patting my cheek. It is at this moment that I realize that Bella's head is laying on my chest. Her leg is tucked in between my legs, her thigh pressed up against my unyielding dick. "We gotta get up, man. Mom is expecting us. Rose took our car and already went to the house. They are waiting for us to come set up the new bed, so that Rosie and I have a place to get busy, I mean, sleep tonight."

"God, Emmett, I do not need these images in my head," I whisper, trying to disentangle my limbs from Bella's without waking her up.

"Yeah," Emmett snorted, "like I needed the image of you dry humping my sleeping 'little sister' in my head."

It is at this moment that Bella decides to wake. Her eyes are huge as her thigh rubs against my aching erection while trying to move herself off of my chest. Her cheeks swiftly flush to a deep scarlet. Bella stands, muttering and looking anywhere but at me or Emmett. She mentions something about a shower and rushes off to the guest room.

I gather the blanket and pillow from off of the floor. After struggling to fold/roll the blanket into submission, I deposit it on the back of the loveseat. I finally turn to see the smirk plastered on Emmett's face.

"She's not really your sister, Emmett. You know that, right?" I say, just to break the silence.

"Oh, I know, Brother. That is abundantly clear, given the fact that I am allowing you to live after your inappropriate display in there," he responds with a devilish grin.

I shake my head and grab my keys, saying, "C'mon douche bag. Let's go see mom."

**A/N- Thanks so much for reading. I have a playlist for this story at **Http : /www . mixpod . com/playlist/78579113** (removing the spaces, of course).**


	11. Chapter 11

A/N - I've been fail at review replies again. I cannot even blame ff . net this time. I'm sorry. Thanks for reading and reviewing and just being fabulous. Smooches go to Jody and Amber for reading and pointing me in the right direction. Much love goes to Jo for taking the time to correct my tenses and commas and everything else I that abuse.

Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight.

Songs for this chapter

Forget About You by Colton Graham

Someone Like You by Adele

Chapter 11

A friend is one with whom you are comfortable,

to whom you are loyal,

through whom you are blessed,

and for whom you are grateful. - William Arthur Ward.

On Saturday, I leave Mom and Dad's house as soon as the bed it put together. As soon as the last mattress was laid in place, Emmett shot out of the room mumbling about testing the springs for squeaks. Rosalie was out in the back yard and I knew I only had a small window of opportunity to get out of the house before their sexual exploits took over. Mom better be thankful that she went to meet a friend for lunch. I don't think Rose and Em much care who hears their… declarations of love… for each other. I had things to do at home anyway.

It was during the mindless chore of washing and folding my clothes that I let my thoughts return to this morning; more specifically, waking up with Bella in my arms. She smelled so delicious. I was very tempted to take a nibble. Her firm breasts and soft curves tormenting me from where they were molded so sweetly along the entire length of my left side. Her thigh was pressed snuggly into my aching cock. Speaking of aching, I now have a raging boner attempting to makes its way out of my pants. I stand up to make room for what the thoughts of Bella were doing to me.

I hear the phone buzz from the kitchen counter. I hobble on my 3 legs to get there before the buzzing stops.

"Hello," I mumble.

"Hey, Edward," Jasper says, "Alice asked me to give you a call. She wanted to let you know that Bella was planning on meeting us at Schuba's, but she wanted us to make sure that would be okay with you? She seemed to think that you might not want to see her after this morning. Anything you'd like to share with the class, Edward?"

Oh, God. Does EVERYONE need to know that my trouser snake was trying to wrap around Bella's leg this morning? "Umm…Well Jazz, I'm absolutely fine with her being there. Is she ok with me coming?" I cringe at my Freudian choice of words.

"Yes, she's fine with it," Jasper replies, "and you didn't answer my question. What happened, Edward? She couldn't even look at me when I mentioned you were going to be there tonight."

"Nothing really, man. We fell asleep on the floor during the movie, as you probably know. When I woke up this morning, Bella's head was lying on my chest and my arms were holding her tightly to me. Oh… ."

"I'm sorry," I hear Jasper snicker, "could you repeat that?"

"Absolutely not, you dick. You heard me. But, it's fine. As long as Bella isn't uncomfortable with me being there, we'll be okay," I reply, attempting to keep my irritation under control. Jazz knew what happened, I could tell. Emmett probably called him to spread my humiliation.

Jasper laughs outright, "Okay, Edward. Well, I guess that's it. I'll see you at Schuba's at, what… 7:30? 7:45?"

"Yeah, that sounds good, man. Later," I sign off. At least this conversation did the job of deflating my… ego.

At 6:30 I jump in the shower and wash the day off of me. I take the time to shave and apply cologne. I know that I told Jasper that I wasn't going to push anything with Bella, but that doesn't mean I don't want to make a good impression. I want her to notice me. Well, I know she'll notice me, but I want her to like what she sees.

I step into my jeans and notice the left knee is torn. Crap. This is the only pair of jeans in my drawer and I didn't wash jeans yet. I was planning on washing them tomorrow. Oh well. I just put more thought into choosing a shirt. First I dress in the first t-shirt I get my hands on. Then I choose a dark green and blue plaid button up shirt. Alice always says that wearing anything with green accents my eyes. Again, no harm in trying to look nice, right?

It's almost 8:00 by the time I get to Schuba's. Everyone else was already there. Riley and his girlfriend, Bree, are at the table, as well. Riley is the lead singer and plays guitar in the band. Bree plays the bass guitar and sings lead on a few of their songs. I've heard them a few times since Jasper and Alice started dating. They are really good. They used to only do cover songs, but have recently been introducing some of their original songs, to the crowd's great delight.

I say hello to everyone and take my seat next to Alice and across the table from Bella. She did look me in the eye when I first sat down, but has avoided eye-contact since. Riley and Bree go to make sure their equipment is all ready for their set, and Jasper and Alice go to the bar to get drinks. I decide that this is a good opportunity to try to talk to Bella.

"So, Bella, how was your day? Anything interesting come up? Uh… I mean…Did you have any pressing engagements?" Ugghhh, "or was it simply the usual grind?" OH. MY. GOD. "I'm gonna shut-up now and get something to drink," I spit out before rushing over to the bar. OBVIOUSLY I'm going to need a little liquid courage in order to make myself approach that table again. Could I possibly be a bigger spaz?

I order two Jager Bombs, which I slam before ordering a beer from the tap. I take my beer back to the table. Before sitting back down, I unbutton my plaid shirt and take it off. I'm already sweating and I figure that my 'good impression' idea has already flown out of the window.

I hear giggling and look up to see Bella holding her hand over her mouth, her eyes alight with laughter. "What?" I ask, "I haven't even said anything, yet?" I sit down, feeling defeated and wanting to crawl under the table.

Bella slides her chair out, stands up and says, "Look," as she takes off her jacket. She is wearing a 'Delicious Vinyl' t-shirt. She points across the table at me. When I look down I see that I am wearing my 'Peaches' t-shirt. "We belong together," Bella announces softly. "We kinda match," she amends. And suddenly, I have to apologize.

"Bella," I begin, "I just need to apologize and tell you how sorry I am for rubbing-"

Bella interrupts me saying, "Finish that sentence, Edward, and I will junk punch you." And suddenly the awkwardness is gone. We both bust up laughing and begin to talk about our week. Soon the music starts and we both turn toward the stage to watch the band.

_ Here we are now face to face _

_ fumbling all the words to say _

_ Hiding feelings that I don't want showing now_

I let my eyes slide over to see Bella resting her chin in her hand left hand. Her right hand is drumming along to the music and she seems wrapped up in the song. I can just make out a smattering of freckles on her pale arms. Her eyes are closed and her long lashes rest gently on her pink-tinged cheeks. She is so beautiful is makes my chest hurt.

_I am useless _

_ Young and stupid _

_ For thinking I'll get over you _

_ I'll make excuses _

_ but the truth is _

_ It's the best that I can do _

_ I can't forget about you_

I don't remember ever telling Riley about my relationship with Bella, but he sure seems to know the story. He is singing the words I've been saying to myself as I kick my own ass for being so short-sighted and letting Bella go.

After a few more songs, Alice leans forward and whispers, "You're doing great, Edward. I'm really proud of you."

"What?" I ask, not sure what Alice is talking about.

"You aren't pushing, but you aren't letting her keep you out either. It's good. She needs a friend and she always talked about how you were her best friend. It's a great place to start, Edward. Just don't jump the gun. Slow and steady wins the race and all that."

Who knew the pixie could be so wise? Alice had been so upset at me that Sunday at Casa de Cullen, but we seem to have gotten back on the right path again. I'm glad to have her back in my corner. However, I get the feeling that I am walking a very fine line. Alice won't hesitate to kick my ass if I do anything to upset Bella.

Bree walks up to the microphone and Riley sits down at the piano at the edge of the stage. He begins by playing a simple run of notes. Bree joins him in a soulful lament. I see a slight movement in the corner of my eye that causes me to turn and watch as Bella rubs a finger under her eye.

_I heard that your dreams came true, _

_ Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you, _

_ Old friend, why are you so shy? _

_ Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,_

I wrestle within myself. I want to comfort Bella and wipe her tears for her. The problem is that fine line that I am teetering on. I don't want to step over any boundaries. Alice reaches her hand across the table, resting it on Bella's forearm, offering the comfort I cannot provide.

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you, _

_ I wish nothing but the best for you, too, _

_ Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said, _

_ "Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead," _

_ "Sometimes it lasts in love, But sometimes it hurts instead", yeah,_

Oh, God. This girl is singing my worst fear. What if Bella decides to find someone else? She could. I know that we have barely begun to be friends again. There is no way we are ready for any type of romantic relationship again, but what if she decides to look elsewhere while I am attempting to build things back up? What if she wants to be friends with me while she pursues romance somewhere else? I push these thoughts out of my head as I see Bella jump up and rush off toward the bathroom. Alice sighs behind me and then follows after Bella.

Bree ends the song to a round of applause. Their set is over and a DJ begins to play some upbeat music. A few people make their way to the smallish dance area in the back of the room. Alice comes back to the table dragging a sheepish Bella behind her. They stop by Rose and Alice says, "C'mon. Let's get our groove on."

The three girls make their way over to the dance floor. Bree leaves the equipment for the rest of the band members and joins the girls as they shake their asses and laugh at each other. Jasper and Emmett have ceased their talking and are almost drooling as we sit and watch the girls on the dance floor. There is no bumping and grinding. No rubbing or roaming hands. It's just beautiful girls; beautiful, confident girls smiling and dancing and enjoying each other. At this moment I really cannot think of anything sexier.

The song ends and the girls come back to the table. Bella looks at me briefly and then her eyes dart down to her lap. "Are you okay?" I ask. I can't ignore her tears all together.

"Yes, sorry," she says, shaking her head. "I'm fine, Edward, really."

"Get back out there, girls," Emmett bellows. "I forgot to get my phone out. I'm gonna need some video of the four of you together for research purposes," he says, waggling his eyebrows.

Rosalie flicks him in the forehead and says, "Have you ever heard of the term 'pig' Emmett?"

Emmett's brows draw together, "Hmmmm. Like pork, right?"

"Mmmmm, bacon," Jasper chimes in.

"Everything is better with bacon," Bella says, grinning at Emmett.

She's perfect. Absolutely perfect. How did I ever let this girl out of my arms?

A/N - Let me know what you think. Come say Hi on facebook. I've changed my name back to Aidan PaulMomma. Also, you can find me on twitter. I'm just aidan_momma over there. Thanks for reading.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N-Sorry it has taken me so long. Between losing the chapter, internet issues, and not wanting to work with me, well... you get the picture. Hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and the characters.**

Chapter 12

You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you.

You have to go to them sometimes - **Winnie the Pooh**

After brunch with the family on Sunday the girls planned to go shopping. I wanted to ask if Bella would be meeting them, but I didn't think that would go along with the "take it slow" attitude I was trying to adopt.

Dad has reserved time on a field for us manly men to play a few rounds of paintball. For an old guy, he is pretty good. He also knows how to take a hit. We all have the full range of gear. After the first time Jasper joined us, he immediately hopped on eBay and purchased his own gun, mask, and a vest that carries extra packets of paintballs. I preferred to keep my balls in my pants. Perverts. I mean, I carry my paintballs in the cargo pockets of my pants.

Before the first game, Emmett had me snap a picture of him holding his gun and pretending to be a badass. He asked me to send it to Rose to show to anyone who might try hitting on her today. On a whim, I sent it to Bella, too, with the caption "Big Brother is watching." I'm lame, I know, but I just wanted to keep in contact with her even if I couldn't see her or talk to her.

I keep checking my phone for a reply as I hide behind bunkers and take shots at the opposing team. So far there is no response. Sometimes I almost wish that we guys would split up, with 2 of us joining the other team. I would love to take some shots at Emmett. Or Dad. How great would it be to just light your father up with paintballs?

We lost two out of the three games we played. It turns out that Dad was the last person standing on our team. All. Three. Games. I guess the old man still has some moves.

As we drag our sore asses back to the car, I check my phone one last time. I stop walking when I see I have a photo message from Bella. I guess she did end up shopping with the girls, because there she is with Alice and Rose. They are posing like Charlie's Angels, which I find kind of humorous when I think of her father. I quickly send a reply and jog to the car where the others are waiting. I cann't wipe the smile off of my face. Emmett notices, but doesn't say anything. I'm pretty sure Jasper notices too, but he only narrows his eyes at me.

Thursday comes bringing with it a meeting for the entire Marketing Team. Marcus has been leading these meetings for the past 18 months or so. Today is no different. I sit down at the table near the donuts to give my restless hands something to do. After everyone has taken their seat, Marcus begins.

"Today," Marcus says, "Today, I am going to upset some of you. Some of you will feel irritated and others will just feel insulted. Please know that it is my intention to do neither…well that, and both, at the same time. You see, I'm going back to elementary marketing skills today. Not because I think you don't know what I'm about to share, but because we, and yes, I include myself, we seem to have forgotten some basic marketing knowledge. First of all, Eric, what is our newest team project?"

"Pssshhhtt…White Cloud Diapers," Eric says, his voice filled with disdain.

Marcus replies, "Yes, that's right. And, how are things going? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?" Marcus chuckles. We all just shake our heads and laugh. Everyone knows that this account has been difficult for a variety of reasons.

"Ok," Marcus calls us back to order, "Edward, how much experience do you have with diapers?"

I snort at this. "Absolutely none," I answer.

"Angela, you're a female. Surely you have some diapering expertise."

Angela laughs, "Actually, I haven't been around diapers since my younger twin brothers began taking their shit out of their diapers and wiping it on everything. Once, I remember Embry even loaded some in one of his train cars and was hauling it around the train tracks. Even bleach couldn't remove the smell. No, I avoid anyone wearing diapers at all costs." We all cringe and a few of the guys turn a little green.

"Mike, what about you? Have you even touched a diaper since you've been toilet-trained?" Marcus is grinning. He is enjoying this.

Mike turns bright red and replies, "No, I wouldn't even really know what one looks like."

Marcus looks around the room of young and mostly single adults and asks, "Does anyone in here have recent experience with diapers? No? So, how are we to be expected to come up with an ad campaign encouraging people to buy a specific brand of diapers? Can anyone help me?" After looking us each in the eye, Marcus continues, "Yeah, that's what I was afraid of. I'm going to play you a song that will hopefully remind us of what we do in this department and help us get started on this project for a major account here at HD." With that said, Marcus walks over to an iHome connected in the corner and presses play on his iPod. Soon a guitar and drum being to play a bluesy rhythm joined by…a harmonica? WOW.

_It doesn't matter what I say_

_As long as I sing with inflection_

_That makes you feel that I'll convey_

_Some inner truth of vast reflection_

_But I've said nothing so far_

_And I can keep it up as long as it takes_

_And it don't matter who you are_

_If I'm doing my job then it's your resolve that breaks_

The song continues and sounds vaguely familiar. My foot bounces and hands are tapping out the rhythm all around the table. When it ends, Marcus walks over to the white board with his marker ready to write. "Ok," he says, "What were there first words of the song?" He pushes play again and they flow out of the speakers. "It doesn't matter what I say…, and why doesn't it matter? What was the chorus of the song again? Let's listen," as he presses the play button again.

_Because the hook brings you back_

_I ain't telling you no lie_

_The hook brings you back_

_On that you can rely_

"Again," Marcus questions, "why doesn't it matter what I say, Edward? What brings you back?"

"The hook," I answer, mentally slapping myself in the head for all of us. He was right, it is basic marketing. "We need a hook. Who cares if we don't know how to use diapers. It's the hook that will bring people back. It's the hook that will keep them buying a certain brand."

"Good, Edward. I know many of you want to hate me, but it's going to be a lot easier now, don't you think? This song is from the 1990's. It's Hook and it's by a band called Blues Traveler. They are talking about music, but we can definitely apply it to our situation." While Marcus continues talking about the song and ways we can use it, my mind begins to apply it to my situation with Bella. What I need is a hook. I need something that no one else has, something that will keep her coming back for more. And I think I know what it is. Bella and I always have a good time together. We do fun things. Some people (Kate) may see them as childish, but Bella and I always enjoyed things like paintball and roller skating. This. THIS is my hook. FUN. I'll make Bella have so much fun that she'll never want to be away from me again. Yes, I have a plan. I suddenly realize that Marcus is still talking. "We'll meet again Monday and I want you all to bring at least 2 ideas for a "hook" we can use for this diaper project. Thanks for your time and your patience. If I don't see you tomorrow, have a good weekend." And we were dismissed, which is good because I had some plans to make. The first one being how do I get Bella to spend time with me again? Especially after our awkward encounter over the weekend.

**A/N - I know its a short chapter, but YAY, Edward has a plan.**


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N - So yeah, Edward has a plan. Let's see how that's working out for him. Thanks to Athome Jo for being a fantastic beta and friend. Fanny and Amber pre-read and tell me when my Edward needs to stop being a girl. LOL Thanks to you for taking a chance and reading m little story.**_

_**Chapter 13**_

_**Oh I'll never know what makes this manWith all the love that his heart can standDream of ways to throw it all away**_

_**- Gravity by John Mayer**_

On Friday I timidly enter Mr. Danali's office. Knowing that I'm going to turn down the promotion has me very anxious. Mr. Danali invites me to sit down and once again he sits in the seat across from me.

"So tell me, Edward, when do we get to move you to a new larger office?" Mr. Danali asks jovially.

Deep breaths, Edward. Deep breaths. "Well, Sir, I'm afraid that's not going to be for a few more years. While I certainly appreciate the offer you made me, and I understand the great honor you have bestowed, I do not feel that I can accept this new position at this time. Please know…"

"Wait," he interrupts me, "do you mean to tell me that you are turning down this promotion? I think I'm going to need an explanation here, Edward."

"Yes, Sir. Of course, Sir," I sputter. "Absolutely you deserve and explanation. From me. Yes. I need to tell you why I'm not… Yes, sir. An explanation." I take more deep breaths as I say a prayer, asking that I be allowed to keep my current job even though I'm turning down a very generous promotion. "I love my job, Mr. Danali. I have enjoyed every minute of my time here at Hunter-Danali. I have learned so much since I first started as an intern. Most of what I know now and use in my day to day routine I have learned from Marcus. He has been an excellent mentor to me. He freely shares his knowledge and the spotlight on every project. Sir, I know that the fact that you offered me a promotion means that you have complete faith in my ability to do the job; however, I do not have that same faith in myself. I know that I still have much to learn in order to do the job in a manner that will benefit HD. Sir, I would like to remain in my current position, working under Marcus and learning from him. I would also like to inform you that just because I turned down the position today doesn't mean that I don't have my sights set on being a department head someday. By declining this offer, I am hopefully giving myself a few years to mature and learn how to be the best so that I can offer you the best. I still plan on moving up the ladder, Sir, I just want to do it when I'm sure I won't topple off and plunge to the bottom, taking down everyone beneath me. Does that make sense?"

Mr. Danali sits stunned for a moment. He shakes his head and says, "Wow. Yes, Edward, I think I understand what you're saying. I appreciate your honesty. And absolutely, you may keep your current position if that is what you want. So, I take it that you think Marcus should be the new Head of Marketing?" He blinks at me, waiting, and I realize that he really is asking my opinion on this matter.

"Yes, Sir. Marcus is the best. He is well respected by our clients and our team. He knows how to motivate people and he always has a fresh approach when the rest of us get stuck. If you were to ask everyone in the marketing department, they would all say that Marcus is the man for the job. And thank you, Sir. Thank you for understanding," I say, standing up to shake his hand.

"No, Edward," Mr. Danali replies, "Thank you. And just so you know, I expect to be having this conversation again in a year or two with a VERY different outcome."

"Yes, Sir," I say, "I'm counting on it. Have a good day." Holy Crap. That went much better than I expected.

It's Saturday and I am on my way to Metro to see Riley and Bree and the band play once again. I'm hoping that Alice gets there early enough to get a table up in the balcony. I really do not feel like becoming a part of a mosh pit tonight.

The set list that the band will be playing tonight will be much different than the last time. This venue is larger and draws a different crowd. I'm not really expecting to get much accomplished in the way of conversation, as the music will be loud. I'm still anxious just to soak up Bella's presence.

My phone buzzes and I see Bella's name. I smile just knowing that she texted me right as I was thinking of her.

Running late - B

Loser - E

Someday I really need to grow up.

Oh shut up, and buy me drink, will ya? - B

Sure, but now you owe me - E

Fine. Save me a seat. See you soon. - B

See ya - E

I spot Jasper as soon as I get through the door. Thank God they were able to secure us a table. I wave at him before heading over to the bar to get beers for Bella and myself. The bartender is already very busy. It takes a few minutes for him to take my drink order.

As I'm waiting, this leggy blonde turns and places her hand on my arm. "You getting one of those for me, gorgeous?" she says, nodding toward the bartender.

"Uh, no." I say, "One is for me and the other is for my, um, friend." I take a little side-step trying to get her to remove her arm. Unfortunately, she doesn't take the hint. She uses this move as an excuse to squeeze my arm as she teeters on her heels while following me.

"So, this friend… is he cute? Because, my friend Shayna is waiting over by the wall and we'd love to have you boys joins us." Blondie's eyes search behind me as if my "friend" might be waiting close by.

I decide that I've had quite enough at the same time the bartender hands over the beers. "Well," I begin, "I wouldn't exactly call my friend 'cute'. She's more of an 'unbelievably beautiful' or 'drop dead gorgeous' type. And she'll be wondering what's keeping her drink. Excuse me," and I swiftly walked to the steps and up to the balcony.

I tell Jasper about my blonde parasite and catch a glimpse of her latching on to someone new down by the bar. I notice that the bar area has really gotten packed, so I text Bella to let her know that I already got her a drink. I would hate for her to come in and wait in that line when I have her drink up here. I'm not willing to lose even this small amount of time with her.

Riley and the crew get things started with a song that has even us balcony sitters up on our feet. The girls are shaking their asses and Emmett is head banging. Towards the end of the song, my skin begins to tingle. I can feel each and every hair on my arm stand at attention, and then I smell it. Sugar cookies. My head quickly whips around and there, standing beside me is Bella. She found her beer and has it raised up to her mouth. Her lips are wrapped around the opening of the bottle as she tips it back. I find myself swallowing slowly as I watch her down her drink. A drop of condensation from the bottle slides onto her lower lip and down her chin. My eyes follow that drop as it makes a path down her throat. Before I can stop it, my finger reaches over and collects that single drop from Bella's collar bone. She jerks slightly at my touch and spills beer down the front of her shirt.

"Oh, shit. I'm so sorry," I mutter, "let me help you." I reach behind me and grab a few napkins from the table and begin to blot Bella's shirt. I hear her squeak and then it registers that I'm dabbing my napkins right on Bella's boobs. "Oh God. Bella, I'm- I- I'm a fucking idiot. Sorry. So… Fuck. I'm so sorry. Here. You can have these," I say, shoving the napkins at her as I rush away to the bar to get some space.

Waiting for the bartender gives me a chance to settle me heart rate and clear my head. I can't believe that just happened. How will Bella ever want to spend time with me if I'm constantly groping and humping her?

I look toward the stage and see Bree taking the main mic. The band begins to play their version of Joan Jett's "Do You Wanna Touch Me". I have to laugh at this. I'm shaking my head when I hear a familiar giggle beside me. I look down and see Bella smirking at me. "Bree has fantastic timing, doesn't she? I wonder if they have hidden cameras up in the balcony." Bella nudges me with her elbow, grinning. And once again, just like that, the awkwardness is dispelled and we are ok.

The bartender notices that I have been joined by a goddess and comes over to get our drink orders. After collecting our bottles, we make our way through the bouncing bodies to the stairs.

By the time we get to the table, it is clear that Bree is doing a Joan Jett cover set. She is now making her way through Joan's version of "Everyday People". Bella is smiling and dancing with Alice and Jasper is trying not to fall over laughing at me getting my grope on. I punch him in the arm, but I can't help smirking. I mean, I did get to touch her boobs after all.

We all are having a fantastic time as the band plays through Joan's hits. Bella gets a little tense and weird during "I Hate Myself For Loving You". I may have raised my glass in a toast to Joan's brilliance. We all head bang and high-five during "I Love Rock 'N Roll" and "Bad Reputation". My favorite though was when Bree begins singing "Cherry Bomb", because Bella throws her whole self into shimmying and singing, "Ch-ch-ch CHERRY BOMB". All in all, the four of us have a terrific time together, so we make plans for dinner at Alice and Jasper's next week.

_**A/N- Some nice person nominated my story and my Edward for The Sunflower awards. I don't have a link, but you can google it. There are many fabulous stories listed. These are all stories with less than 1000 reviews. Check out these "under-appreciated" fics. You may find a new favorite.**_


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N - So Sorry for the extreme delay. I have excuses. I won't bore you with them. Thanks to Jo and Virgy for reading and attempting to keep me on track.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight and its characters. I just like putting them in awkward situations.**

Chapter 14

Comfortable Synonyms: comfy, cozy, cushy, easy, snug, soft

Bella and I text back and forth a time or two after Saturday night. I see Bella in the café in the office building again on Tuesday and we eat our lunch together. She tells me more about her business and some of her clients. Turns out that Hunter-Danali isn't the only advertising agency that she does contract work with. She has 3 other firms that use her on a regular basis. She also has several smaller clients that she helps with their marketing materials like she did with Alice.

"Enough about me," Bella announces, suddenly, "tell me, Edward, did you accept the promotion? Am I now speaking to the Head of Marketing for Hunter-Danali?"

She looks so proud that I hate to answer her, but I know I have to set her straight. "No," I reply, "I, um, I didn't accept the promotion. I'm just not ready. There are other people who are better qualified for the position at this time. The good news is that I get to keep my job," I joke, though silently relieved that it is true.

"Wow, Edward, I'm surprised, I guess," Bella says, hesitantly.

"What? Did you think he would fire me for not accepting the position? Yeah, I was a bit concerned myself, but he said he wants me to continue and he looks forward to offering another promotion to me in a year or two," I say, trying not to brag… too much.

Shocked, Bella shakes her head and exclaims, "No, Edward. No, I'm not surprised he wants to keep you around. No, not at all. I guess I'm just surprised that you turned this down. I mean, isn't this everything you've always wanted? To move up in the company? To lead your own team? Isn't that what all of your hard work has been for?"

"Well, yeah," I respond, "of course, I want to lead my own team. Someday. I just don't think the timing is right. I have much to learn about supervising and leading people. Right now, Marcus is the perfect mentor and I really think I can do more for the company in my current position. Then, after I have a little more experience leading projects and dealing with clients, I will be better prepared to lead a whole department. I mean, I still have ambitions and I still have a desire to lead, but if I were to do something like this right now, I think it would just be a giant train wreck. Yeah, I think I've really made the right decision."

"That's great, Edward. It really sounds like you put a lot of thought into it. It also sounds like you've grown up a lot. You've worked hard and the people around you are starting to notice. I'm really proud of you. Not that I had anything to do with it, but you know what I mean." Bella stutters through the last part, then jumps up to toss her napkin in the garbage. "Well," she says, "I guess we need to get back to work."

"Wait… You did…You need to know…," I clear my throat and try again, "Are you still going to Alice and Jasper's on Friday? Maybe you could bring a movie because their collection sucks." I struggle with words as I'm trying to spend just a few more seconds with Bella.

"Sure," she replies, "Any requests?" As Bella turns, the corner of the file she is carrying catches on my forearm and suddenly I realize I have a paper cut. "Oh shit, Edward. I'm sorry. Look what I've…fuck, now you're bleeding, and it's all my fault. I'm such a klutz."

"'Tis but a scratch," I accidentally quote one of Bella's favorite movies. And all of a sudden my plan, Operation Fun, comes to my mind.

"Here, Edward, let me wipe that," Bella says as she swipes at my arm with a napkin.

"'Tis but a scratch," I say again. "Just a flesh wound," I announce, winking at her.

She finally catches on and responds, "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"

"I'm invincible!" I declare.

To which she replies, "You're a loony." After securing a bandage over my cut, Bella looks up and says, "So…for Friday… Camelot?"

"Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot - it is a silly place" I continue quoting. "Yes, Bella, I feel a deep need for some silliness in the form of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Please bring it?"

"Sure, Edward, and about your arm… will you be okay?" she asks, sheepishly.

"Of course," I say, "I'm invincible." If only my heart was, also.

As Friday draws closer, I find myself frantically searching for a way to make an impression on Bella. She's bringing her favorite movie (that I suggested, thank you very much), so that is out. I've already shown her that I remember her favorite drink. I decide to make her favorite dessert.

I go to the store to pick up some crescent rolls and cream cheese that I need to make Sopapilla Cheesecake. This is something Esme has been making forever. Bella used to request it every time she joined us for our Sunday get-togethers. I've only made it once, but it's so easy, I know I can do it again. I call my mom just to make sure I have the right amount of the ingredients.

Esme answers as I'm walking through the refrigerated section looking for cream cheese. "Hello, Edward," she says cheerfully, "what can I do for you today?"

"Well, hello to you too, Mom. What do you mean, what can you do for me? Can't a son just call his mother because he loves her?"

"That would be nice, dear, if it ever happened that way. So what do you need help with today?"

I laugh. I can't help it. "Well, mom, since you asked…"

"I knew it," she says laughing.

"I am going to make some Sopapilla cheesecake to take to Jasper and Alice's tomorrow night and I just wanted to make sure I had the right amount of ingredients. Could you maybe email me the recipe so that I can have it here in the store and when I get home."

"Sure, honey, I'm already on the computer so it should come to you very soon. Although, are you sure you wouldn't rather have the recipe for Grandma Platt's chocolate cake. It's always been your favorite."

Damn, Mom. She's fishing for information. I can feel it. "No, mom. I already said I was making the cheesecake thing tomorrow. They'll be expecting it." Plus, I really want to impress Bella.

"Ok, Edward, I'm hitting send right now. Let me know how it turns out." My mom is the best in the world.

I show up to dinner on Friday bearing the cinnamon buttery goodness that is Sopapilla Cheesecake. The smell draws Bella into the front entryway.

"Is that what I think it is?" Bella says, swiping at the pan in my hands.

"What?" I smirk at her as I raise my hands over my head. Bella jumps and reaches for the pan again, losing her balance as she comes back down. She places one hand on my chest to steady herself. All of the blood rushes from my head to the place where her palm rests near my heart. Well, some of the blood stops there, the rest of it pools a bit lower, creating a potentially embarrassing situation.

"Bella, quit molesting the cheesecake. I think we might actually get to eat some of it if you let him into the kitchen." Thank you Alice for your timely interruption.

Bella's eyes bounce around the room as she quickly steps away from me. She sweeps her hand toward the kitchen and offers a small bow of her head. I think she is trying hide her face while pretending to be funny, but I still the light blush staining her cheeks. Marking one point on my side of the mental scoreboard, I wave the cheesecake under her nose briefly before running into the kitchen with my prize.

On the counters I see 2 large round pans of dough beside several small bowls of veggies and meats. Bella comes in and announces, "I've set up a kind of create-your-own pizza station. We each get to garnish one half of a pizza using any ingredients that we wish. I do reserve the right to offer to trade a slice of my pizza if I see that you have created something that I think I might like." Bella grins up at me and Alice claps her hands with joy.

After designing our pizzas and placing them into the oven, we all settle in the living room to watch King Arthur and his coconut shell horses. While Alice and Jasper opt to share the oversized chair, Bella and I spread out on the couch. Bella and Alice collect our pizzas when they are ready and Bella did end up trading one of her slices for one of mine, something which brings an absurd amount of pleasure for such a small gesture.

Bella moans and groans and whines her way through 2 and a half squares of the Sopapilla cheesecake that I made just for her. "Mmmm, Edward," she hums, "tell Esme thanks for making this. She's a saint, she really is."

"Wow, Bella," I smirk, "I never would've guessed you would assume something so stereotypical as me asking my mother to make dessert for me to bring to dinner. I thought you were all for equal rights and woman's lib and all. I'm ashamed of you."

"What?" she asks, "You expect me to believe you made this?" She looks over at my face, the sincerity showing in my eyes. "You made this. YOU MADE THIS. Wow, Edward, this is delicious. And you made it? I'm very impressed. And now that I know you can do it, I will be placing my dessert requests often."

After eating, Bella and I arrange ourselves comfortably on the couch. I prop myself up in on corner and Bella does the same in the opposite corner. I stretch my legs across the cushions, crowding Bella's space a little, but not caring. Bella scoots a little to make rooms for my feet, and settles her legs out in front of mine before sighing in contentment. We share a smile before turning to see Brave Sir Robin bravely run away.

As the movie progresses, so does my invasion into Bella's space. She doesn't seem to mind and even slides down, using my shin as a pillow. Bella's feet are resting near my face, and I grab one of them by the ankle, lift her leg to a better angle and begin to massage the sole of her right foot. After a few minutes, I watch as her eyelids slide shut and I can feel the purr of satisfaction rumble through my shin. That erotic sound travels up over my knee, moves through my thigh and slams into my dick with such a force that I almost buck Bella off into the floor. I must have stopped massaging her foot because Bella rolls slightly to look over at my face. As she rolls, her thigh comes into contact with the evidence of my desire for her and I have to reign in the urge to grasp her leg tightly to me and hump the shit outta her leg while sucking on her delicate toes. Oh God… I smile tightly and resume stroking her foot. Bella smiles back and then shifts and offers her previously neglected foot. "Spread the love," she says, wiggling her toes in my face. My brain seizes on the word "spread" and begins showing re-runs of Bella being sprawled out on my bed after being thoroughly loved.

Bella is a beautiful woman. She has always felt that her brown hair and brown eyes show a very plain picture on the outside. Oh, how very wrong she is. There is nothing plain about the multicolored waves that hang down past the center of her back. And when she sweeps it up into a sloppy knot on the back of her head, it only acts as a frame, drawing eyes to the slender slope of her neck. Her pale smooth skin screaming to be touched and licked and savored. Her eyes are anything but boring. In them you can see passion, trust, strength, and love. Even now, after all of these years, I can see remnants of the love that used to shine for me and me alone.

Bella pulls her feet from my grasp as she sits up. I look around the room, startled to see that the movie has ended. Alice and Jasper begin taking plates to the kitchen. I sit up and stretch my back. I really am too tall to share a couch comfortably, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be near Bella.

I don't want to have to wait days to see Bella again. I need her in my life. I need to be with her. I need to see her. How do I get her to see that she needs me, too?

"Sunday," I blurt out suddenly. "Come with me… us on Sunday. It's my turn to pick the family activity and I think I know just the thing."

Bella slides her eyes over to me skeptically, "I don't know, Edward. That's really a family thing. I don't want to intrude."

"Oh please, you practically are family already. Besides, we need an even number of people for what I have in mind. We just can't do it without you. Please?" I plead.

"Ok, Edward," she sighed, "Don't make me regret agreeing to this."

**A/N - Let me know what you think of this progress.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N - A bonus chapter to make up for being so tardy. Thanks for your support. Love to Jo and Virgy for continuing to put up with me. The recipe for the cheesecake mentioned in the last chapter is listed in the ending a/n. If any of you are friends with LaBella Masen, you can thank her for the activity in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: SM owns Twilight and the characters. I just like to let them have fun.**

Chapter 15

Your friend is the person who knows all about you, and still likes you.

It's Sunday and about five seconds after we finish cleaning up after our lunch, I am pacing the front foyer. Bella was unable to meet for the weekly Cullen meal, but said she would meet us at one o'clock. It is currently 12:52 and I am prowling like a caged animal.

I've spent a lot of time planning today's group activity. I have made numerous phone calls and collected equipment and supplies. Bella is going to have fun today even if it kills her. Or me, which seems much more likely at this point.

"Edward, Honey," my mother says as she grabs my arm and tosses it over her shoulders, "you are as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. What's going on? This is about Bella, yes?"

Mom covertly maneuvers me away from the front door and onto a kitchen stool. She walks away and pulls a glass out of the cabinet. She looks over her shoulder at me as she fills the glass with water from the refrigerator. "Talk to me, Sweet Boy," she says as she slides the glass over in front of me.

"How do you still do it after all of these years? You always know exactly what's bothering me without me saying a word." I take a drink from the glass for no other reason but to delay my answer. "Yeah, Ma, it's Bella. I was stupid to push her out of my life. I've seen her a lot these last few weeks and it has been amazing. I feel complete around her. I just really want her to have a good time today. I NEED her to have a fun time today. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Edward, I think I do," Mom smiles slyly. "Let's go ahead and load up the cars so we are ready when she does get here, that way maybe you won't wear a hole in my ceramic tile."

Bella's VW Jetta pulls around the curve in the gravel driveway just as I shut the back door of my Jeep. Jas and Alice were already in the backseat. Mom, Dad, Rose and Emmett walk out the door of the house and greet Bella as she exits her car.

"Hello, Sweetie," Mom says. "Is there anything you need from here before we take a 10 minute car ride?"

"Um…No?" Bella says, "Wait, are we going to be indoors or outdoors? Or more importantly, will there be a bathroom nearby?" Bella snickers at herself.

After a quick trip inside the house, Bella bounces back out and climbs into the Jeep beside me. Rose, Emmett, Mom, and Dad are riding in Emmett's monster Jeep. He leads the way through Mom and Dad's property to the site where we used to go camping with Dad when we were younger.

The whole way there Bella is begging for someone to tell her what we are doing.

"C'mon Edward, you know I hate surprises," she pleads.

"Nope. Not gonna do it. You just sit back and enjoy the ride, little lady," was my answer.

"Alice," Bella tries again, "remember that Louis Vuitton bag that I won at that convention I went to out in Cali a few months ago? I still haven't taken it out of the special bag. I was thinking that it might look really great on someone of your… stature. If you were willing to…"

"Not fair, Bella," Alice whined, "you know I've been eye-balling that bag. However, if I talk, then THIS one," she poked Jasper in the ribs, "will make me pay because THAT one," Ow, she thumped me in the back of the head, "will make Jazz's life miserable. So…No. That's my final answer."

The begging and whining continues, but all three of us just grin. I can't wait to see her eyes when I pull the equipment out of the back.

I jump out of the Jeep almost before I put it park. I am so excited that my hands fumble with the door latch for a few seconds before I can get the back door open. Bella rounds the Jeep just as I swing the door open wide.

"NERF guns!" she shouts, slapping me on the shoulder. "Get. Out. We are playing with NERF guns? Holy shit, Edward, this is amazing."

Already, she is rifling through the hardware, contemplating her weapon of choice. I'm watching her so closely that I've forgotten the rest of our group until Emmett lifts Bella off of her feet and sets her down a few yards away. He snatches the gun from her hands and announces, "This little beauty is mine. Rosie bought her for me, didn't you, baby?"

"Yes, Dear," Rosalie replied, "I bought it right after I made you put down that poor man in the stuffed Giraffe costume at the toy store. I remember it vividly."

"Come here, Bella," Esme calls, "I need you to show me which of these guns I'm going to need. We're playing boys against girls first, so it is in your best interest to hook me up good, okay?" I can't keep my eyes off of Bella as she walks back over to the Jeep.

"So, Edward," she says, "What's the plan? Is it just an all out war, or do we have some rules and a plan?"

"Well, I figured we could play 'Capture the Flag' to give us a little purpose. Ok, ladies, the cars make the middle dividing line. You have to stay in the trees. The meadows on both sides are out of bounds. The creek is the back boundary on this side, the old barn is the boundary on that one. The inside of the barn is also out of bounds, so get that idea out of your head right now. The first two times you get hit, you stop and count to twenty. One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, and so on. On the third hit you're out. And no shooting someone who is counting. That's just not very sporting. The goal is to collect the flag from the opposite team and take it back into your territory. Any questions? Ok, Mom, which side do you want?"

Mom talks with Alice, Rosalie and Bella, and the boys and I work out our strategy. We know we have to keep Emmett away from Rose because she can lure that boy into anything and we really need to not lose him in the first minute of the game.

The girls choose the barn side as their territory, leaving us the creek. Dad, Jasper, Rosalie, and Mom wait by the cars and count to fifty to give us time to hide the flags. The creek bed offers plenty of hiding places.

Mom and Dad count to 10 and then Mom yells, "GO!" Jasper jogs out immediately. I see Alice running at him and I shoot her, hitting her right in the chest.

Huffing dramatically, Alice begins to count, "One Mississippi, Two Mississippi…," and I crouch down and creep over into the girl's territory. I hear shouts and howls from all around and I hear Mom, Jasper, and Alice all counting.

I see a flash of blonde and take aim. Rosalie doesn't even see me when I pull the trigger and tag her in the arm. "Bella," she yells, "Edward is over here." _Rotten cheater._

Before I have a chance to turn away from her, I hear a gun fire and I duck. I forgot that Bella is a pro and she aimed low enough to get me even though I'm low to the ground. Her trill of laughter rings through the air as I begin my counting.

Rosalie reaches 20 and takes off behind some trees. I begin moving as soon as I finish counting. Unfortunately, Rose was waiting for me behind a tree and shoots me before I even get 10 feet away. As I begin to counting again, I hear Emmett saying, "15 Mississippi," not too far away. Rose drops behind the trees again and I know she's on her way to make Emmett's life hell. At least it distracts her long enough for me to get away.

I spot their flag just a few yards away from the barn. Snatching it, I begin to sprint back towards the boys' territory. I see the jeeps ahead and my speed picks up. I was so focused on the boundary line, that I didn't notice Bella step out from behind my jeep and shoot me right in the forehead. That's hit number three. I'm completely out. Five seconds later, Alice comes tripping across the line, carrying our flag into the girls' territory, giving them the win.

We mix the teams up for the 2nd game. Bella and I team up with Carlisle and Esme. Alice and Jasper get stuck with Emmett and Rosalie. This time Mom and Jasper count and get us started. We split up and leave Dad back guarding the flag.

After getting shot once by Alice, I am making steady ground as I near the rear border of the other team's territory. I hear Emmet stomping my way. Spotting a thick collection of low bushes, I quickly dive under out of sight. I'm lying flat on my back under the thick brush when a hand slides over my mouth. Eyes wide, I look to my left and see Bella on her stomach propped up with her arm holding a finger to her lips.

"Hey Babe," Emmett says in a low voice.

"What?" Rosalie says from close by.

"C'mere. We have a few free minutes before anyone comes looking for us. We can pop into the barn and no one will ever know." The sounds of a sloppy kiss and deep moaning cause my gag reflex to jump into overdrive.

Now it's time for Bella's eyes to widen and then her shoulders begin to shake. Her hand is still over my mouth, but I turn and place mine over her lips. Too bad I can't cover her vocal chords. Her giggles keep getting louder and louder and then they are punctuated by very unladylike snorts. Emmett peeks under the bushes behind Bella's back at the same time I catch a glimpse of Rosalie peeking at us on my side. We get shot in the back at the same time. This only increases our laughter and at this point I am holding tightly to Bella's arm and her head is on my shoulder.

I'm laughing so hard that I have tears in my eyes. However, I am NOT unaware of how wonderful it feels to have Bella's body lying halfway on top of mine. The laughter only increases the incredible rightness of the feeling of holding her in my arms once again. I may have been on the losing team in both games, but the entire day feels like one giant win.

**A/N - This is the recipe off of the internet. I can't help thinking that I use 3 packages of cream cheese and 2 cups of sugar (1 and 1/2 to mix with the cream cheese and 1/2 with the cinnamon.) I would try the internet recipe first. LOL.**

**So Papilla Cheesecake Recipe**

**2 cans Pillsbury Crescent rolls**  
**2-8oz Cream Cheese (room temperature)**  
**1 1/2 cups Sugar**  
**1 tsp. Vanilla extract**  
**1 tsp Cinnamon**  
**1 stick butter (1/2 cup real butter not margarine)**

**Spray a 9 x 13 pan with cooking spray. Unroll and press 1 can crescent rolls into the bottom of your baking dish press the seams together. In a separate bowl blend the cream cheese, 1 cup sugar and 1 tsp vanilla _(I used a tsp and a half, i love vanilla extract)_ spread over top of dough. Unroll the second can of crescent rolls and place on top of the cream cheese mixture pressing seams together again. Melt butter and pour over top layer of crescents. Mix the reaming 1/2 cup of sugar & cinnamon together. Sprinkle cinnamon sugar mixture generously over the top. If you don't think that's enough cinnamon sugar on top add more its really up to you there's no rules on this part of the recipe. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes until bubbly and bottom crust is slightly brown. Cool, slice and enjoy!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N - I know its been a while, but the story is flowing a little more freely once again. Hopefully this will translate into quicker updates. Many thanks to Amber and Jody for pre-reading and helping me keep the story moving. Jo is an angel for beta-ing and pushing me when I get stuck. Lastly, smooches to each one of you that keep coming back and reading my story and offering such kind words of encouragement.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters. I do own Cluelessward. Lucky me.**

Chapter 16

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life. I know you'll be a sun in

somebody else's sky. But why can't it be mine?" - Eddie Vedder

It's Friday again. Bella and I have only been able to meet for lunch once this week. I can't find it in me to be sad though, since she and I are going out tonight. Just the two of us. Alone.

She is helping Alice with a special project today which actually works in my favor. I haven't told Bella what we are doing tonight, but our first stop would've been Alice's shop anyway. We decided it would be easiest if I just meet Bella at the store.

"Give me about 3 minutes and I'll be ready, ok?" Bella calls out as I enter the front door.

"Take your time." I respond. "I need to look around anyway." I make my way through the aisles scanning the racks for what I need.

"Hey Edward? Is there something you need to tell me?" Bella asks when she spots me sorting through the clothing on the rack of women's clothes.

I just grin and hand her a white ruffled mini skirt. Bella stares at the skirt for a brief moment before her eyes shoot up to mine in an unspoken question.

"We're going dancing," is my only reply.

"And, of course, we need costumes. Country?" she asks and she begins searching the racks for a shirt and accessories. She doesn't need my response. She has already figured out our plans for the evening.

Bella finds a second skirt to try, as well as a pair of creased jeans. She also takes a few tops with her to the dressing rooms. I gather a few pair of wranglers and some button up shirts and enter the curtained room next to Bella's.

"You have to show me everything you try," I tell her though the curtains, "I don't trust your judgment on these matters."

"Fine," Bella huffs, "but, you have to do the same. You have to show me everything. Plus, I get final say in what you wear."

"Deal," I say and begin changing. I hear fabric rustling in the room next to me and my mind is filled images of when Bella and I were together. I can picture the gentle slope of her shoulder. I imagine the graceful curve of her hip. I can almost feel the soft skin at the back of her knee. I fantasize about the taste and the pleasant roundness of her…

"Ready," Bella calls, "Edward, where are you? I'm not waiting out here forever."

I rush to throw on an outfit and step out from behind the curtain, still buttoning my shirt. I shouldn't have been surprised that Bella would try the jeans first. She has always been more comfortable in a pair of jeans. I quickly nix the outfit, telling her that the point is to wear something she wouldn't ordinarily wear.

Bella says, "No," to my outfit simply on principle. We both try on a few other outfits. I know exactly which skirt and shirt combo I wanted to see Bella in, but she still is undecided about my clothes. Right before I turn to go back into the dressing room, I see something across the store that makes me smile. I quickly cross the floor and return holding a pair of leather chaps.

Laughing, Bella asks, "What the fuck is that?"

"They're chaps," I answer, holding them up in front of my legs.

I quickly change into the chaps and open the curtain to see Bella sitting in a chair waiting for me. Her eyes widen as she sees that I have put the chaps on. With absolutely nothing else.

As I begin to do a turn she shouts, "Edward Cullen, don't you fucking dare think about turning around. Get back in that room and find something to cover your ass."

"Well," I say, stroking my chin evilly, "if it's the ass that needs covering, I can always turn the chaps around." I begin loosening the chaps at the waist to emphasize my point.

"No!" Bella launches herself out of the chair and places her hands on my chest and pulls the curtain closed between us. "Wear the green shirt with whichever jeans feel the best. I'm going to look at boots," she says as she walks away giggling.

All I can think while I change back into my clothes is that today is already going well. My mission is to get Bella to have fun and she is laughing and giggling. Mission accomplished, right?

We left our vehicles at Alice's shop and took a taxi to the bar. The shop is just a short train ride from where we both live. This way I can drink as much as I want while plying Bella with lots of booze in between dances.

Bella is currently seated at one of the barstools and I stand beside her since the bar area is quite packed. This arrangement works out well for me since it allows me to be close to Bella. I may have accidentally let my fingertips graze the soft skin of her thigh a time or two and I give myself a fist bump for talking her into the teeny skirt.

Bella finishes the last of her drink and grabs me by the hand, dragging me out to the dance floor once more. The fast songs bring a smile to my face as I watch Bella loosen up. I watch her skirt ride up as she twirls and spins around me. The slow songs cause a smile for a whole different reason.

"Your Everything" by Keith Urban comes over the speakers and I twirl Bella in so I can hold her close. I want to feel her breasts against my chest. I ache to feel her thighs brush mine. Bella sighs loudly as Keith sings:

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails  
And be the hand that lifts your veil  
And be the moon that moves your tide  
The sun coming up in your eyes  
Be the wheels that never rust  
And be the spark that lights you up  
All that you've been dreaming of and more  
So much more, I wanna be your everything...

My hand automatically reaches to caress Bella's cheek. "Bella," I whisper, and for one brief moment I feel her lean into my hand.

Suddenly Bella stumbles and takes a step back. "I think it's time for the drunks to head home. Are you ready to go?" she asks me, trying to act like nothing happened.

"Bella," I start again, "are you ok?"

"I promise I'm ok, just one too many beers," she responds, but won't meet my eyes.

"That's not…"

She cuts me off, "I'm just not used to drinking so much with so little food in my stomach. I'll be fine. Take me home?"

"Of course," I answer and we step outside to get a taxi.

"I rented a movie earlier. Do you want to come in and watch it?" Bella asks.

"Sure." I jump at the chance to spend more time with her. Besides, maybe we could pick up where we left off out on the dance floor.

"Do you even want to know what the movie is?" she asks with a chuckle.

"I'm sure if it's something you've picked, then it's in my Netflix Queue."

"You know," Bella says with a cheeky grin, "they would ship you more movies if you would ever return 'Debbie Does Dallas'."

"Har, Har," I respond. "'Debbie Does Dallas'. That is so lame. I have 'Debbie Does Denver'. Everyone knows it has the best blow job scene."

Bella blushes and smacks me on the shoulder. "Pervert," she says.

Bella leads me into her kitchen. "I need snacks," she says, rummaging through her pantry. "Any requests?"

"Well, yes," I reply, "but, not for food."

"Hmmmm?" Bella mumbles, putting her head out of the pantry.

"Bella, can we talk? I mean about what happened out on the dance floor? Or rather, what's been happening in me over the past few months?"

Bella steps out from the pantry and sets down her armload of snacks. "Sure, Edward. Do you want to sit here at the island, or go to the sofa?"

"Let's stay here at the island," I answer. "You need to get some food into your stomach. You eat. I'll talk."

"Ok," Bella says. "Let me just get us something to drink."

"Let me just start out by saying how thankful I am that we have been able to spend so much time together in the past few months. For 2 years I was missing a part of myself and didn't even realize it. It's amazing to me how easily you have fallen back into the position of my best friend. Actually, in my mind, you never really gave up the BFF title. If anyone had asked who my closest friend was, I would've said you."

"I know," she replies. "I missed you so much after we… after you left, but we have picked our friendship right back up. I am so grateful. I really enjoy the time we spend together."

"Bella, I was… I need… I'm going to need you to not say anything for a while. Just listen, ok?"

"Ok, I'll try."

"I was an idiot. All those years ago, when I told you that we were going in different directions and should just say goodbye. I was a complete and utter jackass. Bella, you were everything to me. You were and still are the best part of me. I have had so much fun getting to know you all over again. I love every second that we get to be together. What I really want is for us to have another chance. I want more, Bella. I know I screwed up and don't deserve a second chance, but I want a relationship with you. I want more. I want it all. With you."

Bella stares open-mouthed for a moment before she stands up and begins pacing around the kitchen. She opens and closes a few cabinets, then turns back to me. "I don't… ," she begins pacing again. Bella opens the refrigerator and pokes her head in.

"Bella…you don't… you don't have to say anything. It's apparent that I've shocked you and obviously you are not thinking the same way I am. I'll just go and give you some time to think things over on your own." I stand up and begin to shuffle toward the front door.

"No, Edward," Bella yells. "You get to sit down. Now. It's my turn."

Okaaaaaaaay. I sit back down at the island and wait for her to gather her thoughts.

"Edward, the past few months have been amazing. I have had so much fun renewing our friendship and just… hanging out with you. Last year, or even 6 months ago, I couldn't have done this. I am just finally moving past the pain of you deciding to give up on us. You hurt me, Edward. No, not just that. You broke me for a very long time. I loved you beyond anything I could even imagine, and you moved on and left me behind. As much fun as I've had and as great of a friend as you've been lately I can't just forget all of that. I can't just ignore the pain of the past. I just don't trust you not to get bored and leave me behind once again. I wouldn't survive that again. I just wouldn't."

Stunned. That's me. Shocked to my core. Of course, of course she wasn't ready to go there again. Of course she didn't trust me not to hurt her again. "Of course, Bella, I understand. I know you're not ready yet. Please just give me a chance to prove to you that I'm not going anywhere again. I know you say that you wouldn't survive me leaving again, but neither would I. I depend on you. I have a Bella shaped place in my heart that nothing and no one else can fill. I'm just not complete without you. Please just say you'll think about it?"

Suddenly Bella looked directly into my eyes from accross the room. "Edward," she sighs, "I have another reason why I just can't." Deep breath. "Edward, I'm already seeing somebody."

**A/N - Everybody put the pitchforks down. You know she couldn't just forgive him of his past behavior and move on like it never happened. Besides, chapter 17 is on its way VERY soon.**

**Music Rec's that may or may not have anything to do with the story:**

**I Should Go - Levi Kreis**

**The Way I Am - Ingrid Michaelson**

**Hotel Yorba - The White Stripes**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N - I'm about to do something to make my beta Jo wanna kill me. This chapter is un-beta'd, but I just couldn't hold on to it any longer. Thanks to Fanny and 107 for pre-reading and helping me make some sense.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and the characters. No infringement is intended.**

Chapter 17

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. - **Robert Heinlein**

I sit in my driveway, still in my car. I try to remember how I got here, but I just can't remember anything after hearing Bella say, "I'm seeing somebody." As I sit obsessing over this, I realize that I have no idea what I said to Bella before I left, or if I said anything at all. I hope I didn't say anything cruel or rude or… maybe I should call her. Yeah, no. I'm not quite strong enough for that. I can text her though, right? Yeah, I can text her. That will be ok. Yes? No? Oh shut up. What do you know anyway? I'm going to text her.

_Can I call you? - E _I said shut up.

_Yes, please. - B_

Bella skipped straight over the traditional greeting and launched right into questions. "Edward, are you ok? Are you still driving? Please tell me you made it home."

"Breathe, Bella. I made it home. Somehow. I just wanted to call and apologize for how I left. And for anything I may have said. Did I say anything?"

"Edward, please, don't apologize. You were upset. I understand. And no, you mumbled some incoherent sounds and walked out to your car and left. I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have told you like that. Or maybe I should have told you sooner. I just wasn't sure there was anything to tell and then… yeah. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm the only one who gets to apologize here. I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm sorry for wrecking your night. And I'm sorry for screwing up our friendship, yet again." This last part is the most painful for me to think about.

"Our friendship? Oh Edward, no. We're ok. I mean. I'm still ok with us. I guess I mean I'm ok with us being like we were. Like I said, I don't want 'more', but that doesn't mean the friendship has to be over right?" Bella lets out a soft sob. "Please don't end the friendship like this, Edward. Please?" she begs.

"Of course not, Bella. I could no more do without you than I could do without air. I need you, Bella, in whatever way I can have you. I need you in my life."

"Okay, here's the thing. We're going to have to just, I don't know, tone it down or something. I can't do all of the intensity. Can we just… back up a little?"

"Absolutely, Bella. I can do that. I mean, I may need a reminder every now and then…" she chuckled at this, "I'm kidding. I can do this, Bella. You'll see. It will be good." Remarkably, I was beginning to laugh a little by this point, also. I could do this. I WOULD do this. For Bella, I would do this. "So… you're seeing someone? Didn't you and James just break up?" Even I cringe at my snippy tone.

"Edward, are you sure you want to do this?" Bella asks patiently.

"No? I mean, yes. I just want to know that you're being treated right. Is that too much for a friend to ask?"

"Hmmmmmm. Garret Miller works for a company that I have done some work for off and on for over a year. We have talked numerous times and when he found out that I wasn't seeing James anymore, he asked me out. We've been to dinner a couple of times. He is very kind and treats me well, thank you very much. Edward, if this is going to work you've got to trust that I'm a grown ass woman who can take care of herself, okay? Can you do that?"

"Yes, Bella. I can do that. I think. I will work very hard at doing that." I can't just outright lie to her and say that it will be no problem, but I can try. It's the best I can promise at this point.

"I'll talk to you soon, Edward. I think I'll be in the city on Wednesday. Can we still meet for lunch?" she asks.

"Yes," I answer, "that sounds perfect. Hey, will you come to lunch with the family on Sunday?"

"Ummm…" she hums.

"Or maybe you've already got plans. That's ok. I'll see you Wednesday. I'm sure I'll talk to you before then."

"Yeah, ok, Edward. Are you sure you're gonna be alright? We're gonna be alright?"

"Yes, Bella. I'm ok. My feelings aren't just going to go away, but I'll hold it back. I promise, we will just pretend that I went straight home after we went dancing tonight."

"Ok. Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella," I said. _Sweet dreams._

On Tuesday, Mr. Danali saw me and said that I looked a little "down". He gave me 10 of the company tickets to see the Cubs play ball on Sunday "to cheer me up". This was perfect. I can bring the entire family, including Alice, and Jasper. I can't decide how I feel about asking Bella to join us. I am excited at the thought of more time having fun with her, but I'm a little terrified of her thinking I'm pushing her. I'm not really afraid that she'll say "no" because watching the Cubs on TV was something Bella always did with Charlie. I know that even if she feels uncomfortable about hanging out with me, she will still come out of respect for Charlie. This is good, because as much as I want to _be with her_, be with her, I also just love being with her. Gah! When did I become so eloquent?

As soon as Bella sits down at the table with me on Wednesday, I whip the tickets out of my pockets and flash them to her. "Whatever you have planned for this Sunday, cancel it, because I'm making you a better offer."

"Hello, Edward. How are you today? Good? What do you have there?" She swipes the tickets out of my hand. "OhmygodEdward. Are these what I think they are? The Cubs? We're going to watch the Cubs? I fucking LOVE the Cubs." Bella was out of her chair by this point and she threw her arms around my neck. "Thank you so much for inviting me along, Edward. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

"Well, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I'm not being as generous as it appears. Mr. Danali gave me 10 of the company tickets to the game. I figured it would be a perfect Cullen family day activity. So… you'll come?" I asked.

"Of course, I'll come. I wouldn't miss this for anything. Thank you, Edward. This is so exciting."

"Well, Alice is organizing our outing, so I will have her get with you about the details such as time, and who's riding with who. Is that okay?" I ask. I really want to be the one to call her, but I'm also trying to maintain balance. I am strictly in the friend category, but I'm determined to be the best friend Bella has ever seen.

I am leaving the Office Thursday evening when I hear Jasper call me from down the hall. I wait for him to catch up to me.

"'Sup, Jas. What can I do for ya?" I ask, hoping he really doesn't need anything. I'm anxious to leave and make my daily call to Bella.

"Hey, Edward. Listen. Alice just called to let me know she talked to Bella today about the game on Sunday."

"Oh, shit. That doesn't sound like its leading somewhere fun. She's still coming isn't she?" Please, please, please let her still be coming to the game.

"Uh…yeah. No, yeah, she's coming. She just wanted to ask if, um, if she could bring someone."

Okay.

"A MALE someone." Jasper sure knows how to drag my torment out to the fullest extent.

It's about this time that I realize how hot the office is. And this hallway, has it always been so narrow? "Yeah, sure Jasper. Tell her she can, she can bring whoever she wants. I have two extra tickets so if she wants to invite two friends that's fine too. I'll, uh, see you tomorrow, yeah? I need to get to the store before they close." What's one more lie in this sea of untruth spouting from my mouth? I just need to get away from everyone so that I can have my mental breakdown in peace.

Driving home, I decide not to call Bella, but to text her instead once I reach the house. I really am some kind of idiot. How am I going to possibly spend the day in Bella's presence while she is with the man she is seeing instead of me? This is going to be the true test for me. How much of what I said to her was true? Does she really mean enough to me that I am willing to watch her with another man? Can I really sit back while Bella possibly falls in love with someone else?

I enter my house and plop on the couch, not bothering to turn on the light. I don't really need to see how desperate I look at this moment, as I'm trying to think of an excuse to text Bella.

_Alice told me you are bringing someone Sunday? Is she cute? - E_

I think we've already established that I'm an idiot. I'm simply trying to stay in character.

_Ha. Ha. Yes, I am, and HE happens to be VERY cute, TYVM. - B_

_Ouch. Do you have any lemon juice you can add to the salt you just rubbed into my wounds? LOL - E _Keep it light. Keep it light.

_Is it really okay that I'm bringing Garrett? You assured me that you would be alright with this. - B_

_But let me know if it's too much. - B_

_Don't worry about me, B. It will be just fine. It will give me a chance to size up the competition. - E_

_EDWAAARRRRDDD. - B_

_Oh look, even your texts whine. That's awesome. - E_

_Truly, B. I told you I would be good and I will. I'll be friendly and so nice you won't even recognize me. Promise. - E_

_Okay, but not too over the top. I happen to be fond of your surly self. See you Sunday. - B_

_See you - E_

Apparently Alice had decided that she needed a front row seat to my humiliation, which is how I ended up driving a car containing Jasper, Alice, Bella, and Garrett. Who, for the record, does NOT like to be called Gary. Jasper is riding in the passenger seat up front with me. Bella and Alice are sitting on either side of Garrett in the small backseat.

Bella looks… incredible. And incredibly uncomfortable. She has on some sort of frilly, ruffley, blousey, blue tank top thingie. The color looks amazing on her, but she has always hated blue. Her luscious long legs were poured into a pair of the tightest jeans I have ever seen. On her feet are a delicate pair of tall strappy sandals, causing Bella's legs to appear to begin at her shoulders. I have had to make several adjustments in the jeans area and we haven't even arrived at the ballpark yet. This is going to be a long day.

After we park, I get out and open the door for Bella. What? Jasper was getting the door for Alice. It's what gentlemen do.

Anyway, as I was saying, I open the door for Bella and offer her a hand to help her out of the car. She wobbles a bit on her too tall heels and I hold onto her elbows so that she can get her balance before moving away so that Garrett can get out.

"No thanks," Garrett says, "I think I can get out by myself." He shoots a glare to where I am still standing by the Jeep door.

"Of course," I say as I back away.

Emmett, Rose, Mom, and Dad come walking up and we all head toward the park entrance. I notice Bella walks with one hand clutching Garrett's forearm. She truly appears unstable in those fantastic, yet dangerous looking sandals.

I didn't tell Bella, but I recognize Garrett from an advertising agency down the street from Hunter- Danali. I'm pretty sure that he is one of the executives at Volturi, Inc, but I don't want to ask. No need to draw attention to the fact that I am not in any position of leadership (even if it's by my own choice).

I lead everyone to our seats, which are terrific, thank you Mr. Danali. I let everyone enter the row so that I can be on the end. Have I mentioned that I can be a bit of a control freak? Yeah, well, it manifests itself more during times of stress. I think this situation qualifies.

"Wow, Edward, these seats are fantastic," Bella says, pausing by me with her hand resting on my arm. "Thanks again for inviting me to come along with you guys."

My eyes look up from Bella's hand to see Garrett's narrowed and staring directly into the back of my skull. "It's no problem, Bella," I say as I remove her hand, gently from my arm and usher her on her way into the row. Oh look, just my luck. Garrett takes the seat right next to mine.

The Cubs are playing the Red Sox today, and doing really well. Most of our group is on their feet whistling and screaming loudly. Oddly, Bella and Garrett seem to be the exception to this behavior.

"Are you okay, Bella? I'm going to get a drink. Maybe I could get something for you? And Garrett, too, of course. What would you like?" I'm guessing maybe she is just hungry or thirsty and that is why she is still sitting and not seeming to enjoy herself. At. A. Cubs. Game. How do you NOT enjoy a Cubs game?

Garrett stands and shoots me a smirk, "I am Bella's date for the day. I think it is MY job to get something for her if she needs it."

Oh, dude. This just got interesting. I look to Bella to see her response. I'm expecting something along the lines of "I'm a grown ass woman and if it ANYONE'S fucking job to get me a fucking drink, it is mine." Instead she says, "Yes. Garrett. Could you please bring me a Diet Coke and… Are you getting something to eat? Maybe I will just share what you are having."

I look all around me to see if I have entered an alternate universe or something. Emmett is sitting open-mouthed on the other side of Bella. It appears that he was expecting a different response from Bella as well.

"Well," Garrett says, "Are we going?" And he points to the stairs.

"Uh, yeah, You go ahead. I'll be there in a minute." I take orders from the others before making my way to the concession area.

I'm really puzzled by Bella's behavior. Well, and her apparel, if I'm being honest. She is dressing and acting completely unlike herself. Or at least the part of herself that she shows around me. I struggle with the thought of confronting her on this discrepancy. I try not to think about it too much. I can't imagine saying anything to her about it in front of Garrett, so I sit back and determine to enjoy the rest of the game.

The Cubs win the game 5 runs to 2. We file out to the vehicles in a rowdy clump. I hold the back door open to allow Garrett and Bella to climb back in. Bella stops by me and touches my shoulder this time.

"I just don't have the right words to say how much this day means to me. Thank you isn't quite strong enough, but it's the only words I've got. I had a wonderful time." And she slides into the back of the Jeep. Garrett immediately slips his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close as I shut the door.

FML.

**A/N - Ok now everyone get your computers and Tv's ready to watch the MTV movie awards.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N - Wow. You guys are fabulous. And almost every one of you called Garrett a douche. LOL. The story seems to be flowing well right now so I will be adding a few chapters over the next few days. I believe this is directly related to reader response, so thank you. Also, many thanks to my pre-readers Amber, Jody, and now Mandy. Also, Jo has forgiven for posting the last chapter un-beta'd. Well, maybe not, but she at least tolerates me because she's known me forever. She is a beta queen and I appreciate the way she makes me look good.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't even own Eclipse on DVD. Hmmm... must correct this. Any publically recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and no infringement is intended.**

. Chapter 18

"There is a comfort in the strength of love;

'T will make a thing endurable, which else

Would overset the brain, or break the heart…"

- William Wordsworth

I struggle for a few days, wrestling with thoughts of Bella's rather un-Bella-like behavior. There has been a niggling thought in the back of my head for a day or two, and today it finally became clear. Part of why Bella's actions bother me so much is because she vaguely reminded me of Tanya, and even Kate. Especially the part where she seemed bored; like she didn't want to be inconvenienced to stand and cheer at a baseball game. Please understand that I know baseball isn't for everyone; however, I also know how big of a fan Bella is. I also know how much she was looking forward to attending this game. I need to confront her on this. I can't imagine why she was acting the way she was, but I know that I would want a good friend to expose this kind of questionable behavior if it were me.

I haven't been calling Bella as often as before. I'm a little unsure as to where I stand. I mean, I know Bella has said that we are still friends, but I also know that her time isn't mine to monopolize. I decide not to call her Monday, but I send her a friendly little text instead. We chat for a few short minutes, but it is over too soon.

On Tuesday, I debate with myself for hours on whether or not I will call Bella today. I decide not to. I need to let her make first contact a time or two. I mean, my balls are barely hanging by a thread, but they are still attached.

Wednesday, Bella takes the decision out of my hands by calling me.

"Hey Edward, I'm going to be near your office tomorrow. Wanna get some lunch?"

"Oh yeah," I answer, "That sounds really good, actually. What do you want?"

"Well," Bella ponders, "I've really been yearning for a good burger. Is that ok?"

"Absolutely." I decide that Bella calling has given me the opportunity I need to address her odd behavior at the Cubs game. "Hey, Bella. I have something I really need to talk to you about."

"Oh? Well, um, listen I'm on my way to a meeting right now. Can it wait until tomorrow? This sounds rather ominous and I think I'd like to be able to see your face while you approach something that sounds so serious."

"Okay, yeah, that's good. Don't worry, Bella. It's important, but nothing for you to stress about, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright. Bye, Edward."

My stomach is knots and I'm pacing the sidewalk waiting for Bella to meet me at the restaurant for lunch. The wind blows and ruffles my hair. I watch people hustle by as I stand, seemingly invisible, in front of the restaurant. Suddenly, I see Bella coming down the sidewalk and my body is immediately at war with itself. My heart begins to race and my dick begins to stiffen. My palms get sweaty as my stomach rolls. I'm so happy to see her, but frightened of the conversation that I know we must have.

"You look good," I say, offering Bella a brief hug. I may linger to sniff her hair, but only briefly.

"Thank you. So do you. Let's get inside. I'm starving." Bella leads the way to the table and I'm so busy watch the sway of her ass that I almost knock into her. Bella giggles at me and sits down, grabbing a menu.

We order our burgers and make small talk while munching on chips and salsa. I hold off on the important stuff because I don't want to be interrupted once this conversation begins.

"I'm taking pictures of your mother's latest remodel on Monday . She's being featured in some magazine and she wanted to have several examples of the work that she's done. I'm really excited to see what she's done with the place."

My mom is an interior designer and has been known to purchase homes and completely remodel them. For fun. I don't get this. At. All. "Wow," I say, "that's great. For both of you, I guess. Does she have enough photos from previous projects in order to demonstrate the diversity of her work.?"

"Well," Bella stalls, "you see… I might have… your mother and I… well…"

"Yes, 'Well', you've said that. You and my mother have…what exactly?" I ask.

"I've been taking photos of your mother's projects for years. Since before we graduated from college, actually."

"Wow, okay. So you've kept in touch with Emmett and Rosalie and my mom. How come I never knew this?" I'm a little perturbed that my family has been withholding information from me.

Bella looked down at her plate and answered, "I asked them not to tell you. I know, it was really stupid of me, but, I just wasn't in a good place back then. I didn't want you to know where I was or what I was doing. I felt like maybe I could punish you for how you made me feel when things ended."

"Well, shit, Bella. That's kinda fucked up." That's the only thing I can think to say in response to what she just shared. She wanted to punish me? Yeah, well, I kinda wanted to punish myself. I kinda feel like I AM punishing myself.

"I know, Edward. Believe me, I know. I have learned a lot since then. I've grown a lot, I think. I had a VERY difficult time coping at first. I am… I have gotten better, I think. Us being friends now proves that. I wouldn't have been able to be friends with you before. I was just too raw."

"Well, I'm grateful for whatever you found that helped you heal. I really am. Without that healing I wouldn't have you in my life. And I just can't imagine my life without you in it."

"Honestly, Edward, I think it was just spending time around you. I mean, I got to be around you with others present, at first. Then there was you. Just the same as you've always been, only… older. I mean, better, somehow. I don't know. I'm just glad you made the effort to reach out to me once again. I know I've said it before, but you truly are my best friend."

And there it was. The segue into one of the most terrifying conversations of my life, so far. I mean, if I don't handle this just right, I could be crushing this relationship into the ground.

"Bella," I begin, "Remember yesterday when I told you that I needed to talk to you? Yeah, well, I think it's time."

"Um, okay. Edward, whatever it is, just spit it out. You're making me extremely nervous." Bella watches as her fingers toy with the edge of the tablecloth. I guess this is good since it may be easier to talk to her if she isn't looking at me.

"Okay. Bella, what was going on with you Sunday at the game?" I realize as I ask this question, that I haven't started this off quite as well as I would've liked.

"What do you mean, Edward?" Bella is immediately defensive. "Do you mean what was going on with me and Garrett? I told you that I'm seeing someone now."

"No, baby, uh Bella. I mean, now don't take this wrong, because you looked fantastic, but what were you wearing? You had on a frilly fancy top and high heels. I've never seen you dress anything like that unless it's for work, and even then it's a hit or miss kind of thing. I guess I just figured since we were going to a baseball game that you would dress comfortably. I expected to see that old ratty Cubs shirt of Charlie's or at least a baseball cap. And the shoes. Holy shit, Bella, you couldn't even walk in them. I've known you to wear your checkered Vans with a dress to a fund raiser dinner and yet you wore strappy heels to a baseball game? I don't know. It just seemed to be very much out of character for you."

"Well, Edward," Bella huffed, "I was trying to impress Garrett. It was only our third date and I wanted to make sure that I looked good. Is that a crime?"

"No. No, that's not a crime, I guess, but the clothes… yeah, that's not all I wanted to ask about. What about sitting through the whole game? I wasn't even sure you were having a good time. You didn't cheer. You didn't yell at the umpires. You didn't cuss the pitcher. Not once did you call one of the players a dumbfuck. I was utterly confused, I guess, when at the end of the game you told me how much fun you had and how you were so glad that I invited you. What was that, Bella?"

She wouldn't look at me by this point. Bella picked at her French fries then flicked her eyes to mine briefly, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really, Bella? Okay then. What about the Diet Coke that you got to drink? Since when do you drink Diet Coke? Emmett even tried to get you a Heineken and you turned him down. C'mon, Bella. You know that's not you."

Bella reaches behind her and pulls her purse off of the back of the chair. She puts her hand in and after a moment of searching she throws a twenty dollar bill on the table. "Well, Edward, since you know me so well, I guess you will know why I am leaving." Then she stands up and walks away before I have a chance to say another word.

What. Have. I. Done?

**A/N - Yes, I know its another cliffie. The next chapter is ready and should be up sometime this evening.**

**Music Rec's:**

**Son's Gonna Rise by Citizen Cope**

**My Doorbell by The White Stripes**

**23 by Jimmy Eat World**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N - I have been obsessing over James McAvoy interviews about the new X-Men movie. If Edward begins speaking with a Scottish accent, I blame James for being so damn adorable. Thanks for coming back for more. Thanks to Mandy, Amber, Jody, and Jo for the encouragement I needed to keep this train rolling.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. Dave Grohl owns me.**

Chapter 19

"A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be somewhere else."

- Len Wein

I try calling Bella all weekend. I send her multiple texts that go unanswered. If Jasper knows where she is, he isn't telling. Emmett says Rosalie hasn't heard from her, but who knows if Rose is being forthcoming with all of the information in this instance.

By Monday afternoon I am sick to my stomach. Bella was supposed to take pictures of Mom's project house this morning, so I dialed her number with shaky fingers.

"Hello, baby." I finger the Ficus tree in the corner of my office as I work out the best way to get information out of my mother.

"Hey, Mom. How are you? What are you up to today?" I'm hoping she'll share her knowledge about Bella without too much begging on my part.

"Oh Edward, Dear, I'm so glad you called. Have you heard from Bella today? She was supposed to take pictures for me this morning and she didn't show. I haven't been able to get in touch with her all day."

"Wait, what? Bella didn't show up today? She was really looking forward to seeing the new house." This is bad. This is very, very bad. I rush out the door toward Jasper's office while still talking to Mom. "Something must be wrong. I know why she is ignoring me, but Mom, I just can't see her skipping out on a meeting with you. I'm on my way to see if Jasper and Alice know anything."

"Ok, sweetie," Mom says, "let me know when you hear something, please."

"Yes, of course, Mom. I'll call you as soon as I find out anything." I hang up the phone and enter Jasper's office.

"Hey Jas, have you and Alice heard from Bella? She didn't show up for a job this morning and no one has been able to get in touch with her." I figure it would be best to make this seem as serious as possible. I need Jasper and Alice's help in this.

"Calm down, Edward. Let me call Alice and see what she knows." Jasper pulls his phone out of his pocket, then looks at me and asks, "What did you do, Edward?"

"Listen, now is not the time. Please, I really just need to know that she's okay. Call Alice. Now, please." I'd tell him eventually, but first I needed to find out why she missed her appointment with my mom. Surely our disagreement last Thursday wouldn't cause her to ignore Esme. I mean, I expect her to ignore my calls, but Bella would never blow off work. Not even if that work was for a friend. Bella would at least call if she needed to cancel.

I twirl a Ficus branch in my hand as I listen to Jasper's conversation with Alice. Wait… where did this come from?

"Okay, Honey. Yeah, I've got your keys. Is it alright if I just give them to Edward and let him go check on her? Okay. I love you, too. Bye."

Jasper sets the phone down and looks at me for a moment. "Okay, here's the deal. Alice hasn't talked to Bella since Saturday afternoon. Bella mentioned that she had been feeling really nauseous, but she thought the nausea was caused from a fight that she had with you on Thursday. So, I ask again. What. Did. You. Do?"

"Nothing, Jasper. Not really. I simply asked Bella why she was acting so strange at the game last Sunday. Didn't you notice it? She totally wasn't herself and I just wanted to see what was going on. She got mad and left the restaurant without answering and hasn't answered my phone calls or texts since then. I don't know, Jas, I thought I was doing the right thing by pointing out her odd behavior. I just want her to be true to herself, ya know?"

Holy shit. I made her sick? She was feeling nauseous over our fight two days later. I really am an asshole. I gotta make this right.

"Okay, Edward. I'm about to do something that may get me in trouble with Bella, but Alice is really worried about her, too. I drove Alice's car today and I used her keys. Attached to this key ring right here is a key that fits Bella's front door. I'm giving it to you in good faith, Edward. If she tells you to leave you have to promise you will leave immediately. Okay? No trying to convince her to give you another chance. If she wants you gone, you go right away." Jasper is uncharacteristically serious about this.

"Absolutely, man. I won't abuse this, I promise. I am just so worried. I need to know that she is alright."

"You'll call Alice as soon as you find out what's up. That's not a question. It's a condition. If I give you the key, you have to call Alice. First thing."

"Okay, Okay, Jasper, just gimme the keys now. I want to get going before the rest of Chicago gets on the road," I say, grabbing at the key ring.

I knock on Bella's door twice before using the key to let myself in. The smell of sickness hits me like a bulldozer as I step through the doorway.

"Bella," I call out, praying that I find her and that she is alright. "Bella are you here?"

I close the door and walk through the living room. There are a few blankets tossed around the sofa and an empty garbage can on the floor near one end. I walk further into the hallway and call out again, "Bella, honey, it's Edward. Are you here?"

I hear a moan from her Bella's bedroom that makes my feet move a little faster.

"Edward?" she asks, "Edward, what are you doing here?"

By this point I am pushing open her bedroom door. The smell of sickness and stale sweat is overwhelming.

"What the hell is going on, baby? I mean, I can see that you are sick, but what all are we dealing with? What can I do to help?"

"Vomit. Fever. Stomach cramps. More vomit. Uuuuuggggghhhh," is Bella's eloquent reply.

"Okay, when did you last take some Tylenol or other fever reducer?" I figured we could start with the basics.

"About an hour ago, I think. Edward, really, what are you doing here? How did you get in?"

Bella struggles to sit up and gather pillows behind her to support her back and head. I move to the bed and stack the pillows just right so that she can lean back, but still be upright.

"Well," I begin, "I'm here because I'm worried about you. Esme told me you didn't show up to take the pictures…"

"Oh shit, Esme. Is it really Monday?"

I push Bella back down into the pillow pile when she tries to get out of bed. I really can't imagine where she thinks she's going.

"Edward, let me up. I need to… call Esme. I… have to… apologize" Bella is already so winded that she can hardly talk.

"Sweetie, I'll take care of Esme. As a matter of fact, I have strict instructions to call her and Alice to let them know if you are okay. You really worried a lot of people, Baby." I can't seem to keep the endearments out of my sentences. I don't mean to say them, but with Bella, it is just so natural. They simply flow into my conversation.

"Alice… that's how you got in isn't it? She gave you her key." Bella was beginning to put things together now.

"Well, actually it was Jasper, and I have restrictions. I am only allowed to stay if you say I can. Please say I can, Bella. I want to help you," I beg.

"You can't possibly want to be around all of this. I'm disease-ridden and disgusting. Can't you just let me die in peace?" Bella says with a slight lift to her pouty lips. Yes, I notice these things at inappropriate times. Haven't we gone over the fact that I am an idiot and an asshole?

"Well, I think we can do something about the disgusting part," I say and begin searching Bella's dresser drawers for fresh sweat pants and a clean t-shirt. I even get daring enough to grab a pair of her clean panties, with only minimal fondling and fantasizing.

"Do you think you can manage a shower? I'll be here if you need help," I say, rolling my eyes at myself. "Not like that, but ya know, if you get dizzy or anything while you are in there, I'll be here. Just call, okay? I'll be right out here in your room."

"Yeah, sure, Edward. Okay. I think I can do that. A shower actually sounds kind of fantastic," Bella responds and begins shuffling toward her in-suite bathroom.

Once I hear the water running in the shower, I step out into the hall and search for a linen closet. Bella's bed seems to be the source of the stale sweat and vomit odor. That just won't do. I grab some clean sheets and rip the nasty ones off. I am rather tempted to put a match to the pile 'o germs and put us all out of our misery, but I'm not sure Bella would appreciate that.

I toss the old sheets out in the hallway to be laundered after I make sure Bella is taken care of. I take a moment and call both Alice and Esme to apprise them of Bella's situation. Mom tells me to fix Bella some broth with either crackers or toast and try to get Bella to eat. Alice reminds me to make sure Bella stays hydrated. I almost ask if they want to come over and take care of her since they don't seem to think that I can do it. I rethink this stance when I realize that BOTH of these women would totally take me up on this suggestion.

Bella walks out of the bathroom as I am laying fresh blankets on her bed. "Mmmmm," she moans, "did I die and go to heaven? Because that shit looks just like heaven to me. Edward, why are you… after the way I walked away from you last week… how the fuck are you even talking to me? I mean, gah… this is way above the fucking call of duty."

"We'll talk about that later. Right now you need to lay down in this bed and let me go fix you some broth. Dr. Esme's orders."

I tuck the blankets around Bella, hand her the book from her bedside table, and drop a kiss on her forehead before I go toward the kitchen. I toss the soiled linens in the washer and then I search the cabinets for some broth. The loaf of bread I find in Bella's pantry is green and fuzzy. I decide to offer her crackers instead. But, hmmm… maybe the penicillin would be good for whatever illness she is battling? As I stir the broth and make sure I have everything else I need to take back to Bella, I contemplate whether I want to bring up our last meeting. I know she's already mentioned it, but I would hate for her to get upset with me and kick me out. She needs to be taken care of. And more to the point, I need to be the one who takes care of her.

**A/N - If we are facebook friends, let me know your facebook name so I can associate ffn names with "faces". Thanks, lovelies.**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N - I don't know how to explain how how special you guys make me feel. You come back chapter after chapter and you share your thoughts with me. Thanks. This chapter gave me some trouble, but my pre-readers Jo, Jody, Amber, and Mandy helped me make it what it is. Jo worked her magic and beta'd this baby quickly so that I can post. I love you guys bunches.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do own a car with a/c, but I can't drive it. Feel sorry for me.**

Chapter 20

You come to love not by finding the perfect person,

but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

_My hands slide up Bella's smooth thighs, pushing my T-shirt out of the way as I move further upward. Bella's fingernails scrape against my scalp and she grips my hair tightly. She gives my locks a firm tug and her teeth nibble the flesh over my collar bones._

"_MMmmmm," she moans, as her tongue traces a wet path up my throat. "Ooohhhh."_

"_Yes, baby, yes," is all I can think to say. I need this in ways that I can't even comprehend._

_Bella's busy hands have somehow removed my t-shirt. Funny, I don't even remember my lips disconnecting from her skin. I feel Bella inch her fingers just under the edge of my waistband, drawing a line from hip to hip. In retaliation, I grab the flesh of her ass before running my fingers over the edge of her panties. I trace the lace edge around her thigh until I reach the moist warmth for which I am searching._

"_You are so ready, and so am I. I've been waiting so long for this." My words pull another moan through Bella's lips. _

Suddenly, I am wrenched away from Bella by the most disgusting retching sound. I open my eyes to see that I am still on Bella's couch, shirtless, with a raging hard-on definitely present. The only thing missing is Bella.

A low, "Oh, God…" followed by more retching, comes from Bella's bedroom. Oooooohhhhh yeah. Now I remember why I'm here.

I grab my shirt and hurry into the bedroom. The bathroom door is cracked and I can hear Bella moaning. After a deep breath, I push into the bathroom. Bella's eyes flick to me for a second before the vomiting begins again. I quickly search the drawers for a washcloth and wet it. I grab a hair tie. The white one, because I remember she always said the black one pulled her hair out at the end of the day. Although why anyone would keep the black one after all these years must be something that only girls understand.

I slide the folded wet washcloth onto Bella's neck and use my fingers to comb her hair back enough to secure in the elastic hair tie. I sit on the floor behind Bella and I feel her relax and lean into me. I gently rest her head on my shoulder with one hand and use the other to wipe her face with the washcloth.

"Thank you," she whispers, hoarsely.

"Shhhhhh," I respond, "Are you ready to go back to the bed?"

"Yes, I think so."

Squatting down beside her, I ease my hand under Bella's knees and lift her. I carry her to the bedroom with her head resting against my chest. I know she wants to object, but is simply too exhausted.

"I had really hoped that your stomach would be able to handle the broth and crackers, but I seriously had my doubts. This is one case where I wish I couldn't say, 'I told you so.'" I pull the covers up to Bella's chin and start to leave. The light is still on in the bathroom, bathing Bella's face in soft light within the darkened room.

"Edward," she says, "What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night?"

"I know, Sweetie. I'm sorry. I meant to just lay down for a minute to make sure you were sleeping well, but I guess I ended up sleeping well myself. Look, I'm sorry. I don't want to cause trouble for you and Garrett. I'll get my things and go home if you think you'll be alright."

"No, Edward. Please don't leave. I promise, Garrett won't mind. You'll notice he hasn't even been here. I did call him Sunday to let him know that I wouldn't be able to see him that evening." She paused and chuckled ruefully for a moment. "He told me to call him when I'm feeling better."

"Oh," I say. I really don't know how to respond to this information. "Okay, well, I'm just gonna…" and I gesture toward the living room.

"Edward," Bella says softly. "Please, can you just… stay? Here. With me."

Well, hell yeah. I can do that. Out loud, I say, "Sure," and climb on top of the blanket and I lay my head on the extra pillow. I reach over to slowly stroke my fingers up and down her arm in what I hope is a comforting manner.

As I listen to her breaths reach that sleeping rhythm, my mind drifts to a similar scene where Bella and I were lying on the bed together. This night Bella was being the big spoon.

"_Edward," Bella said in my ear as she rubbed her toes on my calf, "tell me our future."_

"_Hmmmm, well, I am a wildly successful Advertising Executive having secured accounts in P&G, Nike, and Kellogg's. You are my beautiful photographer wife, who takes all of the photos for our print ads. Adding to the success I am basking in." I pull her hand tighter around my stomach as I think about what I just said._

"_Your… wife?" she squeaked._

"_Well, yeah. I don't see why not," was my reply._

I turn my body to face Bella. I can see her profile in the bathroom light. Even now, she is the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on. I want to kick my own ass for being so flippant in my answer to her back then. I know now that Bella was surprised that I was thinking of marriage and she was seeking assurance that I knew what I was saying. I totally blew her off with my response. I look back and see how horribly I took her for granted. I just assumed she would always be there. That she would just fall into whatever role I saw fit to place her in. I can't let that happen again. She is too precious to me. She can fill any role in my life that she feels comfortable in and I will be sure to tell her why I want her there. Not just because, "I don't see why not." What kind of fucking idiot says that to a girl after mentioning a future that includes marriage?

I wake up feeling soft skin under my palm. My brain finally engages and I realize that during the night I had spooned up behind Bella, sliding my hand under the edge of her shirt. My hand is currently rubbing small circles on her soft belly.

I look over the top of her head at the clock on the bedside table. I still have 2 hours before I have to be at work. I slowly unwrap myself from Bella and ease gently off of the bed. I quietly walk to the living room and make a phone call before checking Bella's kitchen for something resembling breakfast. I pour myself a bowl of cereal and spot some sugar free Jell-o cups in the fridge next to the milk.

Bella comes shuffling into the kitchen as I'm setting the milk on the counter.

"Hey, you. I know last night's attempt at nourishment didn't go so well, but how do you feel about trying a Jell-o cup this morning? You have a choice of red or green."

"Red please," she moans. "I think I've had enough of being green." Bella carefully climbs up on one of her barstools, so I place a red Jell-o cup in front of her with a spoon.

"Thank you, Edward. For Jell-o. For staying. For… everything."

"No thanks are necessary. It was just something I needed to do. I can't let you go through this by yourself. Bella, Alice would've come here to help you. Even Esme would drop everything to come take care of you. Why didn't you call somebody?"

"I couldn't do much besides crawl to the toilet and then lay back down. I didn't even know what day it was. Maybe I'll call Alice later today if I'm still not doing well."

"Nope," I say, "today is taken care of. I called Marcus and told him that I would be 'working from home', so I'm staying. Um… unless you'd rather have Alice? I can call her if you want."

"No, Edward its fine. Really, though? You want to stay here and watch me puke my fucking brains out? You really are a sick, sick man."

Bella only eats about half of the Jell-o cup, but drinks some water so I feel a little bit better about the fact that she is at least hydrated. I set her up on the couch with pillows, blankets, a water bottle, a trashcan, and a remote. I sit at one end of the couch and place her feet in my lap. I massage her soles until I see her eyes droop and then close. Soft snores escape her mouth as she rests.

After about thirty minutes of watching Bella sleep, I notice that she begins to get restless. Her legs draw up to her middle and her face pinches up in pain. Suddenly, her eyes pop open and Bella expels the contents of her stomach into the trashcan on the floor. I scoot over and hold her hair back while swiping a hand towel off of the coffee table. When the vomiting seems to have stopped, I lean Bella into me and wipe her mouth. I offer her the water bottle to rinse her mouth out before laying her back down on her pillow. Her eyes close almost immediately and I settle back down to watch her sleep once more.

While she sleeps, I clean the kitchen and Bella's bathroom before once again changing the sheets on her bed. It is during the second load of laundry that I find myself chuckling at the situation in which I find myself. I always had high hopes of being very successful in advertising and therefore having a fancy penthouse apartment with my own maid and/or servants. Yet here I am washing smelly, sweaty sheets that don't even belong to me. No, this isn't how I expected my life to turn out, but I wouldn't trade it. I would rather be right here washing away the evidence of Bella's sickness, than to be in a high rise penthouse with an army of servants and not have Bella in my life.

**A/N - I KNOW! I KNOW! I really wanted them to have a conversation. I wanted them to move forward. I wanted some action. Instead, Edward wanted to show how sweet he is and to take good care of Bella. I'm sorry for all the fluff, but I promise they will come to some sort of an understanding in the next chapter. **


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N - Edward got chatty again this week. He tried to skip this conversation and move to more pleasant things, but I made him focus and take one step at a time. Thanks to my pre-readers Mandy, Amber, and Jody. Kisses to Jo for being a super fast beta.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada.**

Chapter 21

"A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can

sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words."

Bella wakes after sleeping two more hours. She seems to be a little weak and slightly confused, but better. I help her sit up on the couch and give her the remote.

"Edward," she croaks, "I'm actually feeling a little hungry. Is there any of that broth left? I think I want some. Just a little bit though."

"Sure," I answer and rush to the kitchen to warm it up.

After Bella eats some broth and crackers, we settle on the couch for an afternoon of television. Ellen was first, followed by Oprah, which was a re-run with those kids from that vampire movie.

Bella giggles and points at the screen, "Alice says that she doesn't believe that those two are dating, but seriously… how can you see them together and not know? Look at how they even have the same mannerisms. The secret smiles they share? Yeah, they're fucking and have been for awhile."

After beating Bella and this week's champion at Jeopardy, I leave to grab some chicken noodle soup from the Chick-fil-A that recently opened about 3 blocks away from Bella's house. She hasn't been sick since this morning and is feeling a bit more adventurous.

Bella slurps and moans her way through the delicious soup and even steals a couple of my fries before her phone rings.

"Hello," Bella answers. "Oh hi, Garrett. Um… hold on." Bella stands up and says, "I'm just gonna take this to my room. I'll, uh, I'll be back in a minute."

No matter how much I strain, even with the TV on mute, I still can't overhear Bella's conversation with Douchett. I mean really, where was this guy? Bella has been sick for days. Why isn't he here taking care of her. Don't get me wrong, I really am glad he's not here, but he should be, right?

I clean up my trash and leftover dinner and I check to make sure that Bella has something in her kitchen that she can eat for breakfast. This phone call from Garrett is a glaring reminder that, as much as I want to be here by Bella's side, this is no longer my place and it's time I go home.

Bella enters the room and stops when she sees me standing near the door.

"Are you leaving?" she asks and buries her fingers in her hair.

"Um, yeah. You seem to be doing better and I think I need to let you get some rest. You'll call me if you need anything, right? ANY thing. Please."

"Yes, Edward. I'm sure I'll be fine, but if anything comes up… bad choice of words…if I need anything, I'll call."

I lean in and give her an awkward hug and head out of the door. My heart feels like it is being squeezed in one of those juicer machines. I don't really want to leave, but I know it's what is right. I mean, Garrett could be on his way over and I certainly don't want to be here when he shows up. It is this thought that gets me into my car and back to my house with great haste.

I enter the quiet house and sit on the sofa and just stare at the wall. The past 24 hours have been quite action packed, and I'm starting to come down from the rush of it all. I get up and walk to my room, deciding that I need a shower before I think of anything else.

I call Bella on my way to work Wednesday. I just have to make sure she is still doing okay. We chat briefly, but she has several days of make-up work she has to get started on.

"Thanks again, Edward," Bella says. "I really appreciate all that you did for me while I was sick. It was really very sweet of you."

I feel my ears warm up and turn red with embarrassment as I respond, "Well, ya know… anytime, Bella. Anytime."

I stay at the office late in order to make up some of the work that I missed yesterday. I keep thinking that I need to call Bella, but once again, I talk myself out of it. I really want to give her space. The last conversation that we had prior to her sickness did not end well. I think I just need to give her a few days. If I don't hear from her by Saturday, I will call her and beg her to forgive me.

Thursday I am awakened after a restless night by the shrill ring of my phone.

"Mmmello," I mumble into the receiver.

"Oh God, Edward," Bella rushes to apologize, "Did I wake you? I'm so sorry."

"S'okay," I say as parts of my body begin to awaken faster than others. "Whassup?"

"Oh, um, well… I was really wondering if you were busy tonight. We… we should talk. Can you come by? I'll make dinner."

Wow. Okay… "Sure, Bella. That sounds great. I'll be done with work around six. Is there anything I can bring? Wine? Beer? Anything?" I ask.

"Hmm…" Bella takes a moment to think. "I will text you and let you know."

"Okay. I'll see you tonight. Bye, Bella."

"Bye, Edward."

I'm not sure what to think about this phone call. I'm thrilled that she wants to talk. I'm even more excited that she wants me to have dinner at her house. Surely she wouldn't go through all of this trouble just to kick me out of her life, right?

I show up at Bella's door at six o'clock sharp holding one bottle of Rosette and a six pack of Heineken, just in case. I ring the doorbell and attempt to tame the flock of seagulls that just took flight in my stomach.

Bella opens the door and garlicky goodness assaults my nose.

"Lasagna?" I ask, my eyes briefly meeting hers.

"And Garlic Bread," she replies, "I know how much you love it."

Oh really…

We make small talk all through dinner. Bella has worked hard yesterday and today and has almost caught up on everything she missed while she was sick.

"…and then your mom showed me where she added some gorgeous French Doors in the master bedroom. It's amazing. I never would've thought of opening that room to the backyard, but now that I've seen it, I cannot imagine it any other way. Esme is such a talented woman."

"Yes, she is. She'd be delighted to hear you say that about her. She has always valued your opinion," I tell her and it's absolutely true. My family has always loved everything about Bella. It's too bad that I was too clueless to follow their example.

We clean up after dinner and we both move to sit on the couch.

"I have to start by saying 'I'm sorry'," Bella announces. "I was very wrong to storm away from you last week. No wait, Edward, let me finish."

I sit back on the couch and close my mouth again, waiting for her to say what she needs to say.

"You were being a good friend to me when I was being a fucking jackass. I can't believe you were so kind to me after the way I acted at the game. I was an idiot, Edward, and I just had to say 'Thanks' and 'I'm sorry'."

Hmmm… That still doesn't answer the question though. I sit up on the edge of the couch and rest my forearms on my knees. I'm still afraid to look Bell in the eyes when I ask, "I know I already asked this last week, but really, what was going on, Bella? You weren't acting anything like yourself. It really… well it pissed me off, to tell you the truth. And it worried me."

Bella tucks her feet up under her before beginning. "Let me see if I can explain this. When you left me 2 years ago I was left feeling like I wasn't good enough, like…"

"No, Bella, that's not..."

"Edward, please, just let me get this out, okay? I promise I'll let you talk when I'm done. Anyway, I was feeling like I wasn't good enough, like maybe if I was more sophisticated, more professional, more…something, then you wouldn't have left me. So…since then, I have made an effort to be these things. I dress up for work and… well… dates and shit. I try to be more professional in how I act. I told James that I like the opera and all of those fancy restaurants he liked to take me to. Honestly, I couldn't stand any of it. You were right about me acting like someone I'm not, but I really thought that was what I needed to do."

"Okay," I say, and take a moment to breathe and think. "Okay, so why don't you tell me about James and Garrett. Do you really like guys like that? Ones that will only like you if you dress in heels at a ballgame or ones that you have to lie to about your likes and dislikes? Sweetie, you are perfect just being you. If Garrett can't… no, this isn't about him. You should be free to be Bella. Any man should be honored to have you just the way you are."

Bella shifts on the couch and leans a little closer to me. She touches my shoulder lightly, causing my eyes to flick up and meet hers. "You're so fucking right, Edward. That's exactly what I told Garrett when he called while you were here the other day. I never really liked him, or James for that matter, but I just… well, they were successful and in advertising and I wanted to be the kind of girl that someone like that would be into. That YOU would be into. All this time, I thought I was getting over you, Edward, but I just kept trying to make myself into what I thought you would want. I ended up with people I didn't like and becoming some bitch that I couldn't fucking stand."

"Oh, baby," I say and reach out, pulling Bella closer to me. "I'm so fucking sorry that I made you feel that you weren't good enough. If the truth were told, you are WAY too fucking good for me. And you're definitely too good for James and Garrett. Please tell me you aren't seeing him anymore, by the way. I just don't know if I could keep myself from chewing his ass out for him leaving you on your own when you were sick."

Bella leans her cheek into my shoulder and mumbles, "No, I told him I don't want to see him anymore." She buries her face a little further into the curve of my neck and says, "I told him I got a better offer. Does that offer still stand, Edward?"

I sit stunned for a few minutes which causes Bella to pull away and sit up. She lowers her eyes and begins to scoot across the couch before I realize what she said and what she is thinking.

"Whoa, wait… Are you… wait, are you saying… You're going to give me another chance? You want to give us a chance?" I loosen my grip on her arm as I realize I must be holding hard enough to bruise her. I'm just too frightened that she is going to try to get away again. If she is serious about this, I may never let her go again. Physically or otherwise.

"Yes, Edward. I'm not ready for anything serious or heavy yet, but I am willing to give us a try."

Bella relaxes into the back of the couch as she tells me this. I draw my finger over the apple of her cheek and before I know it, I am tracing her entire face. Her beautiful, wonderful face. The face that has been haunting me for over 3 years. I tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear and it suddenly hits me what I must do.

"Listen, Bella, I know that the last few times that we've been together haven't been much fun. How about you let me remedy that? Let me plan something fun. Just for us. We can begin giving 'us' a chance, okay? How does that sound?" I'm so excited and my mind has already jumped into high gear.

"Edward," Bella says hesitantly, "now it's my turn to ask you a question. Why are you so obsessed with 'having fun'? I mean I like to have fun as much as the next person, but why are you worried that we didn't have fun the last couple of times I've seen you? I was puking my fucking stomach out the last time you were here. That's not gonna be fun no matter how you look at it."

It's my turn to look away. Only… looking away isn't enough, so I get up and begin pacing. "Well, I knew that I could make you have fun and make you smile. I didn't really know what James and Douche, I mean Garrett had going for them. I figured I could win. At least at this. It was a brilliant plan," I say sheepishly.

Bella stands up and glides across the carpet until she is standing right in front of me. She's so close that our knees are touching. "Oh Edward, you fucking dork. Don't you know that I don't hang out with you just because you know how to bring the fun? I like being with you because I like who I am when I'm with you. You help me be me. And I've discovered that I really like me."

I swallow roughly before answering, "I really like you, too."

**A/N - Special thanks to Cullen Concession and 107yearoldvirgin for recc'ing Comfortable in their stories this week. Check out their stories:**

**http: / www . fanfiction . net / s/ 6963767 / 1 / My Soul To Save by Cullen Concession**

**http: / www . fanfiction . net / s / 7048458 / 1 / Don't You Forget About Me by 107yearoldvirgin**

**Also, my beta Jo wrote a story. It's a shorty but goody. She says she won't do another. Go read it and tell her why she should continue to write more.**

**http: / www . fanfiction . net / s / 6871311 / 1 / If I Could See You Again.**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N - Things are getting good here folks. Thanks to everyone who keeps coming back for more. I really appreciate all of you that take the time to leave me a review letting me know what you think of my story. I hope these next few chapters meet your expectations for B & E. Thanks to Mandy, Amber, Jody, and Jo for all you do to help me get this story out of my head.**

**Disclaimer: All publically recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The cute kid sitting on the couch biting his toenails... yeah, he belongs to me.**

Chapter 22

I love you, not only for what you are, but for

what I am when I am with you.- **Roy Croft**

The next few weeks are a giddy blur. Bella and I continue to eat lunch together a few times a week when she is working near my office. Our time together hasn't really changed all that much, except that I am less awkward, and I get to touch her whenever I want. It's actually quite amazing.

Today we grab lunch at a little sandwich shop and find a smallish park to sit and eat together.

"So tell me, Bella. What was it that made you finally decide to dump the chump and give me another chance?"

Bella leans forward and rakes her fingers through my hair before she answers, "I think it was when I was sick and I kept waking up to you. I mean, my biggest fear was that one day you would disappear again. I guess I figure that if you can stick around during some of the shittiest days of my life, then you'll definitely still be around when things are good. I seriously cannot even fucking contemplate another human being doing all that you did for me when I was sick. Garrett, I mean 'The Chump', couldn't even be bothered to stop by and see if I was okay and there you were, holding my hair back as I hugged the damn toilet. That's what sealed it for me."

Bella continues to toy with my hair, causing it to stand on end. I think she does this on purpose, knowing that when I get back to the office, it will be extremely obvious what I spent my lunchtime doing. I like to think that this is Bella's version of peeing on my leg. She's marking her territory and it makes me grin like a fucking idiot.

Bella joins the Cullen Family Sundays, much to the delight of EVERYONE. I do believe that she is more welcome there than I am. We spend many evenings watching movies or just sitting talking at either her place or mine. It really doesn't matter to me where we are. I'm so blissed out just being with her.

One Sunday, we go kayaking with the whole extended family. Emmett's idea. He thinks we need exercise. All it ends up exercising is my patience. I've seen the sitcoms and movies where the guy rows the boat out on the water for a romantic afternoon spent in the presence of his adoring woman. This was NOT that scene. I spend much of the day in a small 8 foot square area, spinning and spinning trying to propel my kayak forward. My shoulders scream for me to stop and finally, after 2 hours we return the kayaks.

Mom packed a picnic lunch for us which we break out and eat at a table right near the kayak rental place. I end up sitting on the ground with Bella sitting up on the bench of the picnic table, facing out. I am leaning back in between her knees and she is using her elbows to work the knots out of my shoulders and spine. My body is beginning to have a visible reaction to having Bella's hands on me. Even if she is causing pain.

I turn around and circle my arms around Bella's tiny waist. I nuzzle my cheek right up to her tummy with my head nestled right below her breasts. Even with my family sitting all around us, I am extremely tempted to slide my cheek up the curve of her breast to where my mouth can reach the peaks that are beginning to jut out of Bella's t-shirt.

I smirk up at her, nodding to her reaction to my nearness. Bella, being Bella, thumps me on the forehead and points out the little, um, ENORMOUS problem I have growing in my shorts. With her foot. Thanks so much. I'm desperate to grasp her leg and start dry humping her toes in front of God and everybody, but instead I remove her foot from my lap and replace it with a bag of chips to hide my erection from everyone else. Bella snorts and continues to work on my muscles.

While Bella and I seem to enjoy getting each other all worked up, we still haven't done anything more than a few heavy make-out/groping sessions. Bella always ends up pulling away. I know she is still worried that things may go wrong again. I don't blame her. She has no reason to trust that I won't do the same thing again. I just have to keep being consistent and telling her that I'm not going anywhere. I know one day she will finally relax and believe me.

Bella and I go bowling with Emmett and Rose one Friday night. The entire night becomes a middle school locker room of ball jokes. At the end of the night, I am left with the conclusion that both Rosalie and Bella are expert ball-busters. If you know what I mean.

Today is Sunday and Bella and I are at Alice's shop waiting while she sets up a new display. We are planning to meet the rest of the "family" for dinner at Mom and Dad's house. Bella and I are making out on Alice's desk (shhh don't tell her) when we hear a car drive up the alley and stop. We watch out the window as the driver opens the door, bends down quickly, closes the door again and drives off. Curious, Bella and I sneak to the backdoor and open it slowly.

"Oh Edward, look," Bella squeals, "he's so cute. Did that guy just dump this poor baby here? Ohmigod. How fucking heartless can you be?"

The "baby" Bella is referring to is about 12 pounds of the ugliest canine fur ball that I have ever seen in my life. So many browns and blacks mixed together on one small wiggling bundle. He begins to lick Bella's face where she has lifted him, snuggling close in the position I was just in not even two minutes ago. The urge to growl has returned in full force.

"Edward, he won't survive out here by himself. Someone will have to take him home and take care of him." Bella blinks up at me innocently. Innocently, my ass. She knows exactly what she is doing.

"I guess I can take him back to my house. I mean, you don't even have a real yard to keep him in and you'd have to call your landlord to get approval, so yeah… he'll come home with me."

Bella launches herself and the puppy into my arms. "Really, Edward? You'll really let him live with you? It will be so great. I'll be over there all the time to take care of him. You won't have to worry about anything, I promise. Ooohhh, we have to go shopping. There are a few things he's going to need. Alice. Al-lice. Come here." Bella runs back into the store with the dog still in her arms.

I call my mother to inform her of our change of plans for the evening.

"I think it will be best if we just get what we need from the store and take him home. I don't really want to leave him alone on his first night in a new place."

"Of course, Edward. Don't worry about it. We were just going to cook hamburgers on the grill. We'll see you next weekend."

"Sounds good. Love you, Mom," I say, walking back into the store.

"I love you too, Honey. Bye."

I enter the main part of the store and witness Alice engaged in a tug-of-war with the puppy. Bella is absolutely no help as she is bent over wiping tears of laughter.

"You must be part bear because you are positively mauling that boot. Give. It. Back. Now," Alice shouts at the tiny offensive beast.

"Bear," Bella says when she finally catches her breath. "We will call him Bear. I like it."

"C'mere, Bear. Stop chewing on that, Bear. You better not shit on my carpet, Bear. Yep, it works. And look," I point to where the dog is sitting looking at me, tilting his head from side to side. "I think he knows that we're talking about him."

"Well, I don't care what you call him, just get him out of my store for five minutes and I will go shopping with you," Alice says before flouncing back to her display.

Bella and I watch Bear chase his tail and attempt to catch a ladybug while we wait for Alice to join us.

"We should go to PetSmart," Bella says. "They encourage you to bring your pets into their store. Plus, they'll have the best selection. Bear deserves the best, don't you cutie, wootie, tootie?"

Really? Is this what my life has become? Then Bella smiles up at me and my heart melts in answer. Yes, this is exactly what my life has become. I love it.

After Alice and Bella buy out half of PetSmart we take Bear to my house to get him set up. Alice goes to meet Jasper, which leaves Bella and I alone with Bear. We sit together in the floor and watch him chew bones and chase balls that we throw. He wears himself out rather quickly. He was running back from the kitchen when he just couldn't take it anymore and passed out. He still has the ball in his mouth. Too cute.

Bella climbs into my lap and snuggles in so that we can watch Bear together. At least that's what I think until I feel her hands gliding over my chest. Then there is the wet slide as her tongue traces my earlobe.

"I think we have a few minutes before he wakes up," Bella says breathlessly in my ear. "What do you think we should do with our time?"

Oh God… "Why don't you just continue what you are doing. I have a feeling something will come up." Why is it that my brain feels that THIS is what needs to be said at this moment?

"I missed that," Bella says as she sits back a little. She lets her hands roam over my face before she continues, "I missed your ill-timed cheesiness. I missed your ridiculous humor. I missed these hands that know exactly how to touch me. I just… I missed everything about you."

I groan while I lean in and my mouth finds her pulse in her neck. "Never again, Bella. You'll never have to miss these things about me again. I'm here. With you. For as long as you want me." I nibble along the vee of her t-shirt until my face is resting between her breasts.

Bella places her palms on me cheeks and guides my face back up to hers. "Thank you, Edward. Thank you for understanding what I need," she says. Then she places her mouth over mine, grabbing my bottom lip gently with her teeth.

Hands begin to roam and groans begin to build. Before long we are both panting for breath and once again Bella pulls away. Hesitantly, but I still feel it. I slowly ease her back to sitting beside me on the floor. After a few more rather chaste kisses, I start to stand.

"Well, I guess I better find out where I'm going to have Bear sleep for the night." I offer a hand to Bella and pull her up off of the floor.

"Yeah, um, I better get going. I didn't realize how late it's gotten."

I walk Bella to the door and give her one last kiss goodnight. My mind is chanting, "It'll be okay. It'll be okay." I hold onto the doorframe as I watch her get into her car and drive off. I have to grip the wood to keep myself from chasing after her and begging her to please just stay the night with me. I have to let her determine when she is ready. Dear God, please let her be ready soon.

**A/N - I hope to have the next chapter up by Monday. It's already halfway written. **

**I want to share my new musical obsession with you. For those of you who live in the US and watch the television show, The Voice, you know about Javier Colon. The rest of you look him up immediately. You can find him on youtube and iTunes. His voice gives me goosebumps and his version of Coldplay's "Fix You" brings me to tears.**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N - Super Short. Sorry. I really wanted Bella and Edward to have The Sex in this chapter, but they had other ideas. Still some lemony goodness below, though. Thanks to the usual suspects, Amber, Amanda, Jody and Jo. Also, thanks to everyone who has been sharing their thoughts with me as they read. Your words mean so much.**

**Disclaimer: All publically recognized characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter 23

"I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye."

After a night of tossing and turning, whimpering and crying, I decide to get up and take Bear out for a run. We shuffle through the living room and grab the leash by the front door. Bear and I do a short little dance as I attempt to attach the leash to his new collar. Finally, I have the leash connected and in hand and we head out the door. My heart jumps up into my throat as I see a flash of movement on the front porch.

"Edward," Bella says, standing up from her perch on the front step.

"Bella, wha- why- what are you doing here?"

Bella ducks her head down before replying, "I needed you. I needed to see you."

Suddenly, I am being pushed up against my front door. The doorknob is deliciously digging into the small of my back as Bella's hands slide from my shoulders to my hair.

"Kiss me," she demands. Her mouth covers mine before my brain has a chance to catch up to what is happening. My body, however, has no trouble keeping up. I moan as her teeth nibble my bottom lip in an attempt to get me to allow her entrance. I slip my tongue out to meet hers and my knees go weak at the taste of her.

All thoughts of where I am and what I am doing abandon me as Bella presses her body closer to mine. Her hips cradle my dick, causing friction as she attempts to straddle my left leg. I grab her leg and draw it up to my hip, needing to be closer. Closer. Even closer. If I could simply crawl inside of her skin, it still wouldn't be close enough.

"Oh God, Edward," she hums, "I need you. I need this."

"Yes, baby, yes." Do I need any other words?

She trails her hands down over my shoulders and my chest. Her nails scrape over my hardening nipples as she descends even lower.

"Did you just growl?" she asks, chuckling.

"Um…no?" I answer before licking her lips and crushing them to mine.

Bella pulls back. "Yes, yes you did, Edward. You growled. That's so hot." Well, damn. Now I wish I did growl.

"No…" and then _I_ hear the growl followed by a whimper. Bella's hands have reached the hem of my t-shirt and have begun tracing the tightening muscles of my stomach, scraping through the hair that disappears below my waistband. Warmth spreads through my chest and all the way down to my toes.

"Were you going somewhere?" Bella asks and she tugs on the waistband of my shorts, slipping the button free.

It is at this point that I hear the whimpering again and remember that Bella and I are not alone on this porch. I also realize that the warmth that I felt spreading to my toes had nothing to do with Bella's skilled hands and everything to do with Bear's need to go for a run.

"Oh shit," I say, stepping away from her. "Shit, shit, shit. That cute little bitty beast that you just had to keep, just soaked both of my running shoes."

Bella looks down at my feet and bursts out laughing. Consider the mood killed.

"C'mon, Bear," she says as she takes the leash from me. Bella leads Bear to the gate and lets him in the backyard. "You go take a shower and get that washed off of you. I'll play with him out here for a bit, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," I say. I'm disappointed that we won't be continuing what we started on the front porch, but I know there is no way Bella will touch me until I get clean.

With the hot spray of water pelting my skin, I consider my aching penis. At this point it wouldn't really take long for me to finish what Bella started. She'd never know and I could spend a few comfortable minutes in her presence before having to deal with it again.

I consult my memory of a naked Bella from years ago. My right hand tightens around my dick as I support my weight with my left hand on the shower wall. Steam surrounds me, clouding my vision even more.

"Edward?" Bella says.

I answer my naked fantasy Bella, "Yes, baby?"

"I don't think that you were the only one that Bear peed on. I'm gonna need to shower, too."

My eyes fly open and my hand almost jerks my balls off in my haste to let go. I turn to the shower door and can see Bella's blurry shape in the frosted glass.

"Uhhh… yeah okay. Just, um, just give me a few more minutes to finish up here," I stutter, praying to God that she couldn't see what I was doing in here.

The door opens slowly and suddenly naked fantasy Bella has been replaced with real life naked Bella. There really is no comparison. Bella has improved with age, just like a fine wine and I want to savor every drop.

"I thought maybe I could just join you in here if that's okay?" Bella says, and she steps into the stall with me. "Besides, I think you could use my help." As she says this, she pours a few drops of my body wash into her hand. She looks in my eyes and licks her lips as she rubs her palms together, lathering up her hands. Finally, she slides her palm over the head of my dick before wrapping each soapy finger around me one at a time.

"Bella, please," I plead. I want so badly to be inside of her, but I cannot make myself ask her to stop the torture she seems intent on inflicting.

"Yes, Edward. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to please," she giggles. "I saw what you were doing in here, and I know you are close. I know you won't last long. I'm going to give this to you now, because when I finally get you inside of me, I plan to keep you there for a long time."

That was all it took for me to explode all over her stomach. Bella continues to pump me dry. I'm helpless to do more than watch as the water washes my cum off of her belly.

I take a few minutes to catch my breath and my balance. I lift my eyes to Bella's face and see the most beautiful smile. She's absolutely beaming and it causes a smile of my own to spread across my face. I forcefully plant my lips on hers, intent on kissing the hell out of her.

I can't keep my hands from trailing over her slippery wet skin. "So soft. So perfect."

"Did you have a chance to get clean," Bella asks.

"Yeah, but I didn't get to my hair yet," I answer.

Bella grabs the shampoo and motions to me. "Bend over," she says and then she giggles. "I guess that's not really something most hetero guys like to hear while they are taking a shower, is it?" she snorts at her own joke.

I'm too happy to make fun of her. I bend over and let her rub her shampooed fingers through my hair. Her nails scrape my scalp in the most tantalizing manner. The angle that I am bent places my face directly in line with Bella's breast. Nope, I have absolutely nothing to complain about here.

My hair is now clean and Bella says, "Let's get out before we get prune-y. It's time for you to return the favor."

**A/N - I really don't know when the next chapter will be up. I am in the middle of packing up 12 years worth of crap. We are moving this month. I promise not to wait too long. Bella needs to get hers.**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N - Ok. It's Finally here. Chapter 24 - AKA THEY FINALLY DO IT!. Thanks to my girls who held my hand and cheered me through this chapter. It's my very first lemon and it was so weird to write. Hopefully it works for you.**

**Disclaimer: No animals were hurt during the making of this chapter... no wait. Wrong disclaimer. Stephenie owns it all. I just took it to places she never did.**

Chapter 24

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because

reality is finally better than your dreams. - Dr. Seuss.

"No more waiting," Bella says. "No games. No pulling away. I need you, Edward. I need you right now."

I reach over and turn off the water as Bella opens the shower door and grasps my hand, pulling me out after her. I quickly wrap my towel around my waist and take another one from the cabinet. I hold Bella's hair over the sink and attempt to squeeze out the excess water. I use the towel in my hand to soak up the drops of water that cover Bella's face. Slowly, I brush the towel over her skin as I descend down her neck and shoulders. There is no noise other than the rasp of the cloth against her skin.

I skip Bella's breasts and move to her feet and legs. Trust me. I have a plan. Kneeling in front of her, I place Bella's feet, one at a time, on my knee and slide the towel up and then down each calf. I wrap the towel around her thighs and gently tease her nearly hairless pussy as I brush more water droplets from her body.

Bella's belly button is directly in front of my nose and has collected a small pool of water from the shower. Instead of using the towel, I lean my head in and lap up the tiny puddle with my tongue. My lips move up over her stomach to the underside of her right breast. This very spot has always held a particular fascination for me.

I've given up all pretense of drying Bella by this point. The towel has fallen to the floor and my hands slide up her the back of her thighs to grip her ass, my other favorite part of her body. I moan as I feel the give of her cheeks beneath my fingers.

Still using my tongue to collect the drop of water left on Bella's breast, I begin circling in to the puckered bud that seems to have its own unique flavor. If Bella tastes like sugar cookies, her nipples taste like butter cream frosting. It's a good thing I have a healthy sweet tooth because I plan on making a glutton of myself with her body.

Bella's fingers are tugging on my hair, unwittingly guiding me as I savor the perfection of her breast. I feel one finger tracing the shell of my ear and her left leg keeps lifting off of the floor as if she wants to climb me.

After switching my attention to her other breast (I believe in equal opportunities and all that shit) I stand, burying my hands the hair at Bella's nape. I tilt her head so that I can get the angle I want in order to explore the depths of her mouth with my tongue.

One of the best parts about being with Bella again is that I know all of my favorite places. I know exactly how to touch her to make her respond the way I want. It works both ways, too. Bella knows that my knees get weak when she hitches her leg up on my hip. She knows that my intensity increases in direct response to the frequency of her moans. She uses her tongue to pull my earlobe into her mouth, knowing that the wet feel combined with the warm breath in my ear causes my dick to twitch with each lick.

"Bed," I say as I lift her in my arms, "we need the bed. Now." I stumble out of the bathroom trying not to run into any walls or doors on my way to the bedroom. In my haste, I sorta toss Bella on the bed. She bounces with a giggle and I can't help but smile at her as I force myself to slow down and just look and appreciate her lying in my bed.

I ease one knee onto the bed and leisurely crawl up the bed until I am staring down into the depths of her brown eyes. I see my future right there in front of me and I can't hold back the moan as my eyelids slide shut. I lament all of the time that was wasted while I as busy being as asshole. Apparently my mood shift has made itself evident.

"Hey, Edward stay with me. Leave the past in the past. I'm here. You're here. Please…" She doesn't need to finish. I know what she is asking.

I lower my lips to hers and relish the way her breasts gently graze against my chest, while I am trying to hold my body off of hers. I need this connection with her before I can lose myself in the exquisite feeling of sex with Bella.

Her lips and tongue nip and play with mine for what could be days or maybe only seconds. Soon we are both pulling away to catch our breath. As Bella lays her head back panting, I make my way down the smooth column of the throat. I can feel the vibrations from the small purrs she makes in response to my body moving down hers. I find the sweet spot just behind her ear and the purr becomes a whimper.

I slide my hand down her body between us. I can picture each of the soft curves in my mind as I run my fingertips over them lightly. Bella's breath catches and her stomach muscles quiver while my hand circles lower and lower. I dip the pad of my finger into her belly button and give it a little swirl before I continue further south.

Bella shaves most of the hair from her mound, but my fingers find what hair is left. I allow it to tickle my palms as my fingers reach into the slick wetness of her folds.

"Oh my god, Baby. You have no idea what you do to me. Just hearing you, feeling you like this… I have no words." I allow one finger to dip inside her pussy as I pull her breast into my mouth. Someone moans. Bella? Me? Maybe both of us. Who knows? All I know is that this is right. This right here is abso-fucking-lutely so right.

A second finger joins the first while my thumb circles Bella's clit. I stare at her belly, absolutely mesmerized by the rapid rise and fall. I consider adding a third finger when I feel her inner walls begin to tighten. I twist my fingers around and push up and in toward her belly button.

"Yes!" Bella shouts, "Oh my fucking GOD. YES!"

"C'mon, Baby. I know your close. Feel it. Ride it out. Oh fuck, yes. Please, Bella."

Her walls begin to spasm and my hand grows wetter as Bella's release takes over her body. It is absolutely the most breathtaking sight I have ever witnessed. Bella's eyes are closed, but her mouth is open. Her back is arched, forcing her breasts high into the air. Her nipples have tightened to the point that they appear to be able to cut glass. A flush of pleasure reddens Bella's neck and chest all the way down to just below her breasts. Her knees, that had been drawn up tight are beginning to relax in the aftermath of her orgasm. Her breaths are beginning to even out again and she finally opens her eyes.

"Holy shit. Remember when I was listing things that I missed about you? Yeah, this definitely should've been at the top of the list."

"Oh Bella, I'm not finished with you yet."

Bella's eyes shoot down to my dick that is straining into her thigh. She reaches her hands down and wraps one around my cock while the other moves to guide my hip. She positions me at her entrance and says, "Yes, I can see that." Then she tilts her hips up a little, pushing me into her ever so slightly.

"Uuunnnghggh," I murmur incoherently as I feel Bella tighten around my rigid cock. I feel her pulse as I push forward. Someone has been practicing some exercises.

Bella whines as I pull out, but that whine turns into, "Ooooooohhhhh fuck," when I slide back through her warmth, spreading her juices over my entire length. She squeaks when the head of my dick brushes against her clit.

Once I've coated myself, I run my hands up Bella's thighs and lightly push them open further. I use my left thumb to stroke her still sensitive bud while my left hand grasps my dick to line up with her entrance again.

"Here we go, Bella. This is it. This is real."

"Yes, Edward. Please."

Bella hooks her ankle around the back of my thigh and slides it up to my ass, pulling me to her as she goes. Her tongue is thrusting into my mouth as if showing me what she wants me to do. I need no more encouragement and push into her depths.

The air gets sucked from the room along with all sound. Then the room itself disappears leaving only Bella and I in this moment. I'm so overwhelmed from the feeling of having her under me, around me, inside of me as I am inside of her. I pause momentarily to savor this feeling.

Bella becomes impatient and pushes her hips up against me creating the most delicious feeling against the head of my cock. I come undone. Suddenly, we are both all thrusts and pushes. Moans and whimpers. Slippin and slidin. Grunting and grinding.

I set a forceful pace, but cannot slow down. Bella flies along with me calling out, "More, Edward," and "Right there, Edward," and even once, "Don't you fucking move, Edward."

Spiraling higher and higher, my hips piston faster and faster. Seconds after I feel the thread of my control stretch beyond what I can hold onto, Bella arcs up into me and her pussy walls begin to pulse rhythmically around my length. Her cry pushes me over the edge myself and we both collapse in a quivering panting tangle.

I just called Marcus to let him know that I would be working from home again today. I told him about the new puppy keeping me awake all night and he just chuckled and said he'd see me tomorrow.

Bella is lying on her stomach beside me and I trace unidentifiable patterns on her skin in the midday sunlight that is streaming through the window.

"I love you," I whisper to her sleeping form. "I'm an idiot. I'm undeserving. I'm fucking floored that you are here with me now. With everything I am, with everything I will ever be… I love you."

I hear a sniffle seconds before Bella turns her body to me. Tears are flowing down her cheeks. Her shoulders are shaking from the tears I have caused.

"Oh Bella," I pull her to me, "this is not how I wanted to do this. Please don't cry. Please tell me I didn't just ruin this."

I feel her head shake back and forth against my neck where her tears are soaking my skin.

Bella sniffles again and then turns her head to wipe her face on my pillow.

She turns back to me and says, "No Edward. I'd say that was just about perfect."

She places her hands on my cheeks and pulls me in for a searing kiss. "For the record, I love you, too. I never stopped. Even when I hated you the most, I couldn't escape the fact that I loved you more."

**A/N - So... lemme know. Was it good for you?**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N - Muchas Gracias to the readers who have taken the time to share your thoughts with me. When I began my fanfiction journey over 2 years ago, I never imagined that I would be posting a story of my own. You have been so supportive and kind. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Jody, Amber, Amanda, and Jo have been amazing pre-reader/cheerleaders.**

**Disclaimer: Steph owns them. I borrow them. I may return them. But probably not.**

Chapter 25

"Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life,

love gives us a fairy tale." ~ Unknown Author

_She places her hands on my cheeks and pulls me in for a searing kiss. "For the record, I love you, too. I never stopped. Even when I hated you the most, I couldn't escape the fact that I loved you more."_

Bella hitches her leg over my hips so that she is straddling me. Placing her hands on my chest, Bella leans in and nuzzles my neck. She runs her tongue up along the veins there until she reaches my jaw.

While her mouth is working magic on my neck and face, her hands are busy rubbing themselves over my puckering nipples. I feel her slick wet heat grinding onto my hardening shaft.

I can think of no better way to celebrate the words that we've just shared with each other than for Bella to be slipping my dick into her heated center. With her lips applying pressure around my Adam's apple, she starts to move up and down while digging her toes into the sides of my calves.

"I love you," she chants in time with her movements. "Edward, I love you." Up and down. Up and down. Out and in. Out and in. "I love you, Edward. I love you."

My hands stroke Bella's face and neck. "You have no idea…" I pant, "no idea how much… how long I've waited… how much I've hoped… I love you, too, Bella. So much. So God Damned much. So fucking much."

With Bella's hands pushing against my chest and her rhythmic rocking, it doesn't take long for my control to begin to shatter. I move my hand between our bodies and stroke her clit to drag her down with me. I feel her begin to tighten, but it's too late for me. I can't hold off the orgasm that overtakes me. I continue moving though as my body pulses and I hear Bella join me as she shouts when her orgasm works its way through her.

Bella collapses and I hold her there against my chest as our bodies try to return to normal.

I hear Bear barking at the neighbor at the same time I hear Bella's stomach growl. In the midst of all of our… excitement… neither one of us had eaten anything today.

"Let's get cleaned up and take Bear for a walk. We can stop at that one restaurant that has outdoor tables and get something to soothe the savage beast," I joke, pointing at her noisy tummy.

We get many strange looks as we walk down the sidewalk. Bear is not a pretty animal, but I can't help but smile at him. He may not be beautiful, but he's ours and that makes him perfect. He runs back and forth across the sidewalk searching for something to chew or sniff as we make our way to the restaurant.

After enjoying a filling lunch, we allow Bear to drag us back to my place. At Bella's suggestion, I put Bear in the backyard once again. She says she plans to keep me busy for the next few hours and it wouldn't be fair to keep him locked up in the house.

Yes and please.

"I really do need to go home," Bella says after we've eaten dinner. "You need to sleep and I know I won't allow you to if I stay here. Besides, I have an appointment tomorrow that I need to prepare for."

I follow Bella to the door. Instead of letting her turn around for a goodnight kiss, I push her forward into the door. I place one hand on either side of her head and use the entire length of my body to hold her in place as I nibble on her shoulder.

Bella uses this position to her advantage and pushes her ass back into my crotch. "Oh fuck me, Edward. I'm not going to leave if you keep doing this."

I thrust forward into her a time or two as I say, "That's the plan. To keep you here forever."

"Eedddd-waaarrddd. I've already explained to you…"

"That doesn't mean I have to like it." I palm her ass and give her a squeeze before capturing her lips with mine for a short semi-chaste kiss. "I love you." I smile. "It feels so good to say that. Out loud."

"I love you, too, Edward. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Can you meet for lunch?"

"Absolutely."

I turn her around for one more kiss before I open the door and usher her out onto the porch.

"Be safe," I call out as she opens her door.

"Always am," she returns using one of her dad's favorite retorts.

"We missed you yesterday," Jasper smirks as he plops down in the empty chair in my office. "I hear you had puppy trouble? Or at least that is the official story."

"Umm… yeah. Alice told you about Bear? Well, he whined and cried all night long. I guess he just needs to get used to living in a new place and all."

"Mm hmmm," he replies, "I'm sure that's it. So… do you want to tell me how you suddenly have an animal living at your house? I know for a fact that you were not in the market for a puppy. Alice has been trying to give you one of Bree and Riley's puppies for months now."

"Well, he was at Alice's shop. Some guy just drove up in the alley, dumped him out, and drove off. I, uh, I couldn't just leave him there to fend for himself."

"And Bella batted her pretty little eyelashes at you and you caved," Jasper chuckles at his revelation.

"Well, yes. Bella's eyelashes did have a lot to do with my decision to keep him. He's really good though. Alice and Bella chose a lot of toys and things for him to chew and so far he has only chewed them. My shoes and furniture have been completely teeth mark free. And he only cried that first night. Last night he jumped up on the bed and snuggled into the back of my legs. I did hear him get up and get something to drink, but he didn't whine or wake me up. I think he's going to be a great addition to…"

"The family," Jasper interrupts.

"Family?" I ask.

"You and Bella? Alice noticed that Bella was at your house very early yesterday morning. Did she stay the night?"

My face reddens and my inner teenage boy fist pumps at the thought of everyone knowing what we were up to yesterday.

"No. She didn't stay the night. But…" I've never been one to kiss and tell, but Jasper is one of my closest friends. I want to share the good news with him. "Well, we did finally…"

"No shit, dude, really? You sealed the deal?"

"Yeah. We also threw out the "L" word. It was an absolutely amazing day."

"Love. Wow Edward, are you sure you're not moving too fast?"

"Not really, Jas. I've loved her for years. I know I tried to forget her. I looked to replace her, but Jasper, it's always been her. She's always been it for me, I was just too blind to see it."

"Well, that's great, Edward. I'm really happy for you both. So, when is the big day?"

"Um… what? What big day?" I can imagine the look on my face as I stare at my friend. He surely can't mean what I think he means.

"Ya know, the wedding. When are you going to marry this girl?"

"Fucking Christ, Jasper, we've really just started dating again. I can't even contemplate asking her to marry me. What the hell are you thinking?"

Jasper rolls his eyes and looks a little sheepish as he answers, "I was just thinking, ya know, Em and Rosie are married. Alice and I are getting married. I just think it would be great for us all to be married since we're so close and have so much fun together."

"Holy hell, man. We can still have fun together without me rushing Bella to the alter before we even have a chance to establish our relationship. Yes, I've known Bella for years, but we have changed, too. Both of us have. We have to get to know each other again before jumping into something like that. Why is it that you engaged people seem to think that EVERYONE needs to get engaged? Is this a 'misery loves company' type of thing or what?"

Jasper stands and comes over to me. He slaps his hand against my shoulder and says, "No matter. I'm happy for you. Don't fuck it up this time, okay?"

"I don't plan to man. I'm far from perfect, but I'm not going to make a mess of this. I'm doing it right this time."

Bella's car is at my house when I get home from work. I know she doesn't have a key and the front door is still locked. I look around the yard for any sign of her. It doesn't take long before I hear the yipping and scuffling coming from the backyard. I open the door and go through the house to the back door. I stand at the back window for a few minutes watching Bella play tug of war with Bear and the toy rope she bought for him.

I unlock the door and knock to get Bella's attention. I wave to her before heading back into the kitchen. I pull out the leftovers from last night's dinner to heat up. I set plates on the bar and pour Bella and I each a glass of wine. Between the conversation that I had earlier with Jasper and the completely domesticated feeling I have from setting out dinner for two, my mind is drawn to the thought of marrying Bella.

I remember conversations from years ago when Bella was adamantly against marriage. Her parents had divorced when Bella was very young. Her mother, Renee, blew through man after man from the time Bella was two until she was 16. Renee finally settled down with a man that was 12 years younger than herself. Meaning he is only 6 years older than Bella. This whole situation left a bad taste in Bella's mouth.

I would really love to marry Bella. Someday. Not any time this month or even this year. Sometime in the future. I can't help but wonder, after all we've been through, if Bella is even more against marriage now than before. I know that my actions have screwed with her self-esteem and that she now has insecurity issues.

"He was lonely," Bella says coming in the door. "I had to come over a little early and spend some time with him. Is it okay that I let myself in the backyard?"

"Of course. Actually, with him living here with me, I was kinda hoping I could ask you to keep a key to my house. I promise I'm not trying to jump ahead in the relationship or anything, no matter what Jasper says. I just think it would be a good idea for days like this. Like this summer when it gets hot and I leave him inside, you can come by and let him out."

"Yeah, that would be great. What do you mean, 'no matter what Jasper says'?"

"Well, I guess Alice drove by yesterday and saw that you were here very early. This lead to numerous interesting questions from Jasper. Anyway, I ended up telling him that we exchanged "I Love You's". He, um, he then asked... well he said 'When is the big day?"

At this point I turn to pull the food out of the microwave so that I don't have to see the look on her face.

"Well damn, Jasper. Jumping the gun much?" Bella giggles. This is such a different reaction from the one I was expecting.

"Yeah, that's what I told him. I mean, we've just started dating again. I don't think we're quite ready for marriage. Yet."

"Not yet, no," Bella says while sliding onto the barstool. I'm a little stunned because she still hasn't completely rejected the idea of marriage.

"So, by 'not yet', do you mean that you would be willing to consider marriage? To me? Someday?"

I join Bella sitting at the bar and dig in to my dinner in order to avoid eye contact during this sensitive conversation.

"Well, I'm not completely against the idea. I'm not really ready to start thinking about it really, but yeah, someday, I think I would like to get married and have a family."

"With me?"

"Yes, Edward. With you. I cannot imagine a future with anyone else."

**A/N - The next chapter will be the last one. Tell me what you think.**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N - Ok Kiddies. This is it. The very last chapter and now I get to push the COMPLETE button. Woo hooo. Thanks to Jo, Amber, Amanda and Jody for holding my hand through this whole thing. You girls are fabulous.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. I just like to dress them up and make them act OOC.**

Chapter 26

"There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than

knowing you are right next to the one you love."

I tug the sleeves of my white shirt so they hang one quarter inch beyond the sleeves of my tux jacket. I'm so nervous and uncomfortable that I cannot quit fidgeting. I slide my finger under the collar of my shirt that suddenly feels too tight as I stand in front of this crowd.

I look over at Jasper for comfort, but he is in his own little world. Emmett, who is standing beside me, suddenly jabs me in the ribs with his elbow. I shoot him a dirty look and see him nod toward the back of the church. Amazingly, the crowd, and Emmett disappear. There striding confidently down the aisle of the church, is my whole world. Bella looks directly into my eyes as she makes time down the white fabric runner. I'm distracted by the thought and thankful that she doesn't follow the traditional step-together-step-together wedding walk. She approaches the front like she wants to get this whole thing under way. Believe me, Baby, I am right there with you.

Her eyes never leave mine as she passes friends as family members. The left side of her mouth curls up a little as she gets closer to those of us waiting at the altar.

Her strapless dress is a work of art. It molds and dips and flairs in all the right places. The sweetheart neckline frames her breasts, causing my mouth to water. She wears a simple gold chain with a small teardrop shaped diamond resting between her collarbones. Her glorious chestnut hair is swept up into some complicated hairdo that I cannot wait to destroy.

I smile as I see my future getting closer and closer.

Abruptly, the music swells and the crowd stands to their feet as everyone turns to look at Alice making her way down the aisle to her waiting groom.

What? You didn't think this was mine and Bella's wedding, did you?

While everyone in the church is ooh-ing and aww-ing as they watch the bride walking beside her father, my eyes focus on Jasper and the look of wonder he has on his face. I'm gonna have that someday. One day, I will be the one waiting for my bride to get to me, so that we can make those vows in front of our family and friends. For now, though, I am content in the knowledge that Bella is the one for me and we have time to get to know things about each other again.

The past three months have been very busy, yet spending every spare second together. More often than not, I come home to find her playing catch with Bear in the backyard, or curled up on the couch watching a movie with Bear, or slipping Bear scraps as she prepares us some dinner.

I still often feel guilty for wasting so much time that I could have spent with Bella. She still has feelings of insecurity and has to fight to be herself, not who she thinks people want her to be. We are getting better though, and we have learned to talk to each other when these feelings come on.

Most nights end in Bella staying the night at my place. This has led us to our plans for tomorrow. After returning my rented tux, Bella and I will be moving all of her items from her rental house to my home. She is moving in with me. Well, she really has mostly lived here for the past month anyway, but after tomorrow it will be official. I won't have to wonder if I will have to sleep without her at night.

I know there will be some adjustment time, but I really am looking forward to knowing that when I get home from work she will be there. Doing whatever it is she does. Filling my house and my heart with all things Bella.

I listen as the minister talks of love and forever. He mentions honoring and cherishing and I cannot keep my eyes off of my Bella. Her fingers are stroking the leaves of Alice's bouquet that she is holding at the moment. Her smile brightens and her eyes flare up at me when the minister says, "in sickness and in health".

We have billions of wedding party photos to sit through after the ceremony. This IS Alice we are talking about. She is not about to let one grouping get bypassed. Bella and I do sneak a few secret touches and smiles.

Alice has assigned the wedding party special seats at the head table, but Bella and I both risk the pixie's wrath by sitting together. I feed her a bite of my chicken and she lets me have a sip of her soup.

The time for the Best Man Speech has arrived. I nervously tug my collar again as Bella slips her fingers around my free hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Ladies & Gentlemen. My name is Edward, and on behalf of Jasper and Alice, I would like to thank you for attending this blessed event today! I promise to keep my words brief, as I know we're all here to witness the spectacle that is Jasper's dancing.

Alice and Jasper have each journeyed many miles to be here together today, and this wedding is a joy to behold. I can speak for everyone in this room, when I say to you both that we wish you all the happiness that you deserve. We are so glad that you have found one another, and this day will serve as a reminder that the best years for you both are yet to come. It's been said that if marriage is to be a success, one should begin by marrying the right person. It's obvious that each of you is indeed marrying the right person today. I have known Jasper for years, and cannot image anyone who would complement him better than Alice. Alice is a dear friend who is always on a spiritual journey to better herself and I would say she has had a remarkable quest. Jasper is an intelligent, soft-spoken, organized and witty man. He is also one of the best friends a person could ever ask for. I enjoy watching Jasper and Alice challenge each other to continuously be better.

They are very supportive of each other, and while they are fiercely competitive people, they are never competitors. They are two people with a wonderful amount of synergy and they are both a joy to know. They say that there is no surprise as magical as finding your life's mate. You two must feel the magic, because it seems as if your happiness emanates from you on this very magical day! I really feel that I would be remiss if I did not just give you some advice.

I asked a few of your family and friends what advice you can give Alice & Jasper to ensure a long happy marriage. I had some great responses for you both. Primarily, though, Jasper, they thought it best to direct the advice at you. Never go to bed angry… always stay up and fight. Always remember the three words to end all arguments… "You're right dear". Keep the lid down, and the best way to remember her birthday or your anniversary is to forget it once.

Let's raise our glasses as we toast this couple: May you both live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live."

I collapse into my seat as the cheers and clinking of glasses fills the room. The band starts up their first song, drawing Jasper and Alice out for their first dance as a married couple. After a few minutes, Bella grasps my hand and leads me out onto the dance floor.

I pull her a little bit closer thinking that I could definitely get used to this, especially as Bella's sweetheart neckline allows me an eyeful of her fabulous cleavage. I rest one hand on her waist, while the other travels up her back to splay out between her shoulder blades. I feel the vibrations there as she moans with pleasure.

As the music dies, Bella starts to wander off of the dance floor, knowing that dancing is not my favorite activity. I wrap my fingers around her wrist and draw her back to my chest.

"Please stay," I whisper. "I want to hold you just a little while longer."

Bella beams up at me and nods her consent.

The music begins and we sway gently in time to the beat. The singer's voice echoes out over the speakers and my eyes meet Bella's as his words begin to register in my brain.

"You are all that I need

For you, I give my soul to keep

You see me, love meJust the way I am

For you I am a better man

I said you are the reasonFor everything that I do

I'd be lost, so lost, without you"

Bella and I maintain eye contact throughout the rest of the song. I've proven that I'm not perfect. I've shown that I am completely lost without Bella. But the song is right. She sees me and she loves me, and because of that I've become comfortable with who I am. Because of Bella, I am a better man.

**A/N - Thank you so much for all of the love and support you have shown me and my characters. I appreciate every kind review, story/author alert, favorite, pm, etc. **

**I was notified this week that Comfortable has been nominated for fic of the week over at The Lemonade Stand. The top four stories of the week will be featured in The Award Winning Fic collection and "Recommended Reading List" on the side bar. If you've never visited The Lemonade Stand, you are missing out. Great rec's are mentioned here. Go check them out. www . tehlemonadestand . blogspot . com/?zx = 5578713e0b79b4e7  
**

**I am beginning another story soon. I haven't figured out the format yet, so I cannot give you a teaser, but I can give you a summary.**

**Edward and Bella have known each other since they were five years old. They have been best friends, musical partners, and have even dated a time or two. Edward writes the lyrics for Bella's music. Bella gives life to Edward's words. On the night that Bella's life changes and her musical career takes off, Edward removes himself from her life. Put me on alert if you want to find out why.**

**Again, Thank you so much.**

**Lots of love,**

**Lori - APM**


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